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Quick Answers to Short Questions

The items below are actual, for real questions sent in by DisneyLies.com readers who sound like they need help with their homework. Questions are followed by what passes for answers around here.

Does anyone have a recording of the little ghost in the exit crypt of the Haunted Mansion?

No, there is no recording -- the vocal work for "Dinky Leota" is performed live. In fact, it has been performed by the same cast member since the ride first opened, and she has never missed a day of work. Occasional "ride refurbishments" are no more than excuses to give the hard-working woman (who prefers to remain anonymous) an annual vacation, and she now also gets a break during the Haunted Mansion Holiday overlay (necessary because she is in her 80s).

In the movie Bambi, didn't Friend Owl use the word "fornicate" in reference to the "twitter-patter" of spring love?

No, he says "flatulate." The only Disney cartoon in which the word "fornicate" appears is The Lion King.

At the beginning of Dumbo the camera zeroes in on the state where the circus winters. What state is it????

Alaska. What could be more wintery than Alaska?

I heard that there were special rules for the kids on the original Mickey Mouse Club. What were they?

The rules, set out by Roy himself, are public knowlege now but were secret for quite a long time. They were:

1st rule: You always smile in the Mickey Mouse Club.

2nd rule: You ALWAYS smile in the Mickey Mouse Club.

3rd rule: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, you just go right on singing and dancing.

4th rule: Five shows a week.

5th rule: One theme per weekday.

6th rule: No ears, no pay.

7th rule: Don't touch Annette.

8th rule: If this is your first time on the Mickey Mouse Club, you HAVE to sing.

Why do the top stories of the buildings on Main Street look like they were built for midgets?

Many Disneyland structures (including the shops on Main Street, U.S.A., Sleeping Beauty's Castle, the Matterhorn, and some foliage) were built with the first story full scale (for the convenience of full-scale guest) and subsequent stories built on sequentially smaller scales so that the weak minded would mistake the increasing reduction in scale for additional height. This optical illusion is known as "forced perspective." It is the same effect that makes prices in yen look significantly larger than prices in U.S. dollars.

What is not so well known is that Walt Disney had his clothing specially tailored to take advantage of this phenomenon. While he appeared to the average Disneyland guest to be some six feet tall, Disney was, in fact, only 3' 7".

Did Walt Disney have false teeth? Were they made of wood?

Not only did Walt Disney have false teeth, he had more false teeth than any other man over age 30 in the United States west of the Mississippi (not including Hawaii). Disney's collection of false teeth -- both contemporary and historic -- was, in fact, so large that it was often the subject of study by students of dental history. Some of the oldest sets were, indeed, made of wood, and Disney also had samples of steel, gold, plastic, ceramic, and (ironically) ivory dentures, dentures with jeweled inlays, and one glow-in-the-dark pair impregnated with uranium.

Disney had been fascinated with teeth in both their natural and artificial state since he was a young boy. Evidence of this interest can be seen in even his earliest work -- for example, the scene in Steamboat Willie in which Mickey Mouse plays a cow's teeth like a xylophone.

There were rumors at one time that Disney had considered building a dentistry-themed park, both to promote good oral hygiene and to educate the public on one of his favorite subjects. Attractions would have included Great Moments with Mr. Toothbrush, Dentists of the Caribbean, The Oral Hygienist's Wild Ride, The Grand Cavity Diorama, Face Mountain, etc. These rumors are completely true.

An interesting bit of trivia: A researcher investigating the report that Disney had been frozen just before death tried to identify Disney's interred corpse through dental records. Positive identification was impossible, however, in part because Disney was cremated.

How did Walt Disney die?

Walt Disney loved airplanes and was the first animation studio head to fly solo over the Atlantic Ocean. In 1966, he set out to fly around the world with Ub Iwerks as his navigator in a twin-engine Lockheed Electra (an airplane). About two-thirds of the way into the trip, the airplane vanished somewhere in the Pacific near the International Date Line. The details of Disney's disappearance remain a mystery even to this day.

Where is Walt Disney buried?

Walt Disney was not buried. He is, in fact, on display in the Walt Disney Studios animation building commissary in southern California.

Did Walt Disney smoke and how did it impact his life?

Walt Disney smoked like a chimney, causing the International American Tobacco Growers Association Cartel to take an immediate liking to him. When Disney built Disneyland, the IATGAC saw the park as a distraction to children (who they wanted to keep focused on smoking) and plotted its downfall. Their first act was to send a bunch of thugs to rough up Disney, and although he was not permanently injured, the incident left him with a lifelong hatred of thugs. Disney's private security forces called in federal agents to bring those responsible for the beating to justice. The cartel was quickly disbanded, the tobacco companies were nationalized (which is how soldiers in Vietnam got free cigarettes with their rations, by the way), and dirty, cancer-causing cigarettes were replaced with the clean, smooth, wholesome smokes enjoyed in schoolyards across the country today.

How much does it cost to go to Disneyland for a day?

How much have you got?

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