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Disney Haiku

Disneyland
I walk in the gate
Ready for a day of fun
Mouse head in flowers
Main Street, USA,
A true slice of better days
Buy a t-shirt there
Rode "it's a small world"
The song took over my head
I may kill someone
  Snow White now hates me
Last time I went on her ride
I stole the apple
Spin in a teacup
Makes the world a colored swirl
Shouldn't smoke pot first
  Go to Disneyland
Stand in a two-hour line
Fly in elephant
Ride the Monorail
Our future transportation
Named for a disease
  Thirst to feel free
I ride the Autopia
Don't ram my damned car!
I once saw a film
Hon, I Shrunk the Audience
Really long title
  Big Thunder Mountain
It always makes me dizzy
Don't look at the goat!
The Peoplemover
Relaxing, great for necking
Please, please bring it back!
  Splash Mountain is cool
They take photos at the end
I took off my shirt
Went to Mickey's house
Saw him in the movie barn
Oh Mickey -- kiss me!
  Restore the Starcade
Open the upper level
Bring back air hockey
In the Tiki Room
Birds sing words, the flowers croon
I just fall asleep
  Indiana Jones
The best queue in the whole park
Always broken down
Jungle Cruise -- Thrills! Chills!
But what was it that I saw?
Back side of water
  Sing: Yo ho, you ho
It's a pirate's life for me
But not the "rape" part
"Pirates" makes me sad
It taunts with unfulfilled dreams
I want the redhead!
  The Haunted Mansion
999 smiles
Room for a thousand
He loved the mansion
Thought more of it than of me
Left his ashes there
  Maynard is the best
Tall, kind, goofy, funny, nuts
Want to have his child
Dear Winnie the Pooh
Your cartoons make me giddy
Your ride really blows
  Whence the country bears?
They left because of scandal
Somebody got mauled
Disney California Adventure
I love DCA
It's always nice and peaceful
Nobody goes there
  Heimlich's Chew Chew Train
Good film, big build up, nice queue
Twenty-second ride
Tough to Be a Bug
Giant spiders, stinging seats
Traumatized my child
  The Sun Wheel's huge
Takes forever and car swings
I feel sick all day
It's not paradise
A "pier" with cheesy old games
Wish it would burn down
  Grizzly river run
Cools me off, leaves me ugly
Makes my makeup run
Tower of Terror
Could have been a better ride
But there's no budget
  Went to Flik's Fun Fair
Laughed at big plastic insects
Got stung by a bee
Soarin' makes me feel
Like a pigeon who will land
On Eisner's statue
  Tower of terror
Entered the fifth dimention
Saw my house from there
Girl in skirt on trail
Above me on a rope bridge
With no panties on
  Superstar Limo
It gave me awful nightmares
Gone, not forgotten
Disney Films and TV
The circle of life
It can bring us nothing new
Another sequel
  Nemo video
My kid watches it daily
Now I hate that fish
Saw Home on the Range
Disney's last real cartoon
Sucked sucked sucked sucked sucked
  DuckTales was awesome,
But no DVD set?
What's the big hold-up?
Walt Disney
Beloved Uncle Walt
Created a land of dreams
Now an icicle
  My hero's name is
Walter Elias Disney
Did I spell that right?
Disney Company
Dear Michael Eisner
You once made my heart delight
Now you give me gas
  In Disney's future
No Miramax or Pixar
Now will your films suck?

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396 Pure, Unadulterated, Dyed-In-The-Wool, 100% Made-Up, Completely Fake Disneyland "Facts"
Get another book!