Fun Stuff

The first thing Disneyland visitors noticed in 2004 was:
That the tradition of ticket price raises outpacing inflation continues.
The lack of a line at Disney California Adventure.
That somebody on the maintenance staff finally remembered how to paint.

The first thing Disneyland visitors noticed when the park opened in 1955 was:
The feeling of magic in the air.
The amazing attention to detail.
A little boy named Michael standing just inside the entrance saying, "Some day, all this will be mine. And when that day arrives, I'll never come here again."

Disneyland's plans for its 50th anniversary:
Include rebuilding Space Mountain exactly like it was, only better.
Include obtaining the copyright to thousands of guests' personal photographs.
Were largely canceled when it was discovered that they would cost money.

Disneyland's submarine lagoon:
Has more rotting plastic fish per square foot than any other body of water on the planet.
Makes die-hard Disneyland fans want to cry.
Will be the home to a new attraction as soon as corporate management loses its fear of budgets with more than two zeros in them.

The biggest disappointment so far at Disney California Adventure was:
Superstar Limo.
The scaling back of street entertainment.
Disney California Adventure.

Disney's new Hong Kong Disneyland will be:
Small.
Cheap.
Underwhelming from day one.

If all of the Disney Dollars printed in 2004 were laid end to end, they would:
Have to conform to the curvature of the earth to avoid extending into the upper atmosphere.
Probably get really dirty.
Still not be enough to pay Michael Eisner's salary.

The Seven Dwarfs are:
Dopy, Doc, Sneezy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Happy, Bashful.
Impotent because they spend all day working in a mine that is full of radium.
Short.

After the success of Mary Poppins:
Disney went on to make a number of family-friendly musicals that nobody remembers.
Disney didn't make Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Mary quit nannying and went on to star in Victor, Victoria.

Disney's first completely computer animated feature film, Chicken Little, will be a big hit because:
The company's computer animation department is still riding the wave of success from Dinosaur and Tron.
The Disney marketing department says so.
Cars has been delayed until 2006.

Disney takes credit for some of the success of The Incredibles because:
The company's agreement with Pixar makes the film a Disney production.
The creative folks at Pixar take some of their inspiration from the Disney classics.
It can.

In 2004, Disney made traditional animation history by:
Demonstrating that executives don't know the difference between "theatrical feature" and "direct to video."
Pointing out that animation outsourced to a low-bidder sweatshop in a third-world country costs less than "that stuff Walt did."
Ending it.

Walt Disney:
Continues to be an inspiration.
Changed the face of entertainment.
Spent most of 2004 spinning in his cryonic chamber.

Michael Eisner is:
The greatest CEO ever to dilute the legacy of a globe-spanning corporation.
His own biggest fan.
On the way out.