Disneyland -- Pirates: Script Highlights (Disney Lies)

We had originally intended to include the entire attraction script for the Pirates of the Caribbean here, but ran into some legal trouble. It appears that Disney is very serious about protecting their copyrights, and frankly we're afraid that if we just reprinted the thing straight we'd wake up some morning with a severed toon head in our bed.

So to both please our readers and avoid legal difficulties, we would like to present first the Pirates theme song (for comparison) and then the little speech spoken by the skull before the first drop in the ride, both translated into standard English by a team of professional English people for better comprehension.

The Pirates Theme Song in Standard English

We steal, steal, go through things, and steal,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.
We relocate people and hold them against their will, molest, and pollute
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.

We demand protection money and steal, we steal and steal,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.
Create wanton destruction, steal from our employers, and will even go so far as to take vehicles which do not belong to us,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.

We prepare to set things on fire, burn them a little, burn them completely, and set them on fire,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.
We completely burn down cities and look scary,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.

We're friends of Alfalfa and untrustworthy, we are bad guys and jacks
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.
We're mythological creatures from the underworld and have dark wool, we're a spoiled picnic food,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.

We ask for money for nothing and are generally held in low esteem and are irresponsible people without honor,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.
And yet our parents still love us for some inexplicable reason
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.

Speech from the Skull and Crossbones in Standard English

Pardon me, hold on a minute. You have no time left to change your direction, dear companions, and there are pirates intent on theft moving stealthily in each cavern who would like to join you on your ship. Snuggle close to one another and do not put your red hands over the edge of the boat. This is the best advice for people who want to push back those who might want to pay you rent in exchange for a place to stay and food. Also, you should note what I say, dear companions, when I tell you that those males who are no longer alive are no good at telling stories. Ho, ho, ho.

You have arrived looking for excitement and aging, saline-tainted pirates, yes? Well, you've sure come to the right place! However, I recommend that you refrain from closing your eyes and stare into the wind, dear companions, and use both hands to steady yourself, if you like. There are squirrels a short distance from here in the direction we are traveling, as well as a small locking storage cabinet belonging to the Monkees tambourine player who is waiting in anticipation of those who do not heed my advice. Ho, ho, ho.

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