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Disneyland Railroad -- '60s Spiel

The below spiel is an excerpt from the tiresome 20-minute-long speech that could be heard by Disneyland Railroad guests during the train's first decades of operation.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard the Santa Fe and Disneyland Railroad. This is the engineer speaking to you from the engine compartment. During our journey, we ask that you keep your head and arms inside the train at all times, and no smoking please.

You're riding aboard the Fred G. Gurley, an old, antique, first-generation locomotive of the kind that today sits rusting in museums and junk yards all over the western hemisphere, introduced right here in Disneyland in 1955. We're travelling over the "highway on the berm," on a 2.5-mile round trip to the far end of Disneyland and back. Part of our route parallels Orange County's Harbor Boulevard, a major access route that you probably used to enter the Magic Kingdom.

We're chugging along at a height of twelve feet above the ground, and we're maintaining constant communication with our dispatching station via smoke signals and semaphore.

I'll be increasing our ground speed as we pass Disneyland's 115-acre parking area, our "tribute to asphalt" as many of you have called it. Across the parking area is Disneyland's main entrance. In the opposite direction, you can see Disneyland's main exit. Directly ahead is the spacious New Orleans Square, offering complete, year-round pirate and haunted mansion facilities for your enjoyment.

We'll be making a brief stop at the New Orleans Square station. For those of you who boarded the railroad in Tomorrowland, this is the halfway point. You may disembark if you wish, and, by having your souvenir ticket punched, you may reboard the railroad here by the Mint Julep Bar any time prior to Disneyland's closing time today. This is the New Orleans Square station. Those of you disembarking, please exit to the rear of the train.

(After a lengthy wait, the conductor yells "All aboard" and the train starts up again.)

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your engineer speaking from the front of the train. To those of you who have just joined us, welcome aboard the Santa Fe and Disneyland Railroad, Disneyland's first daily operating railroad system. We ask that you keep your hands and feet inside the train at all times, and no smoking please.

We're now on a semi-circle course to the back of the Magic Kingdom -- destination, Tomorrowland, world of the future. We'll soon be forgetting to stop at the Fantasyland station, the gateway to Fantasyland, where scenes from storybooks are relived. Our 1890's steam trains depart from here and stations in Main Street, Frontierland, and Tomorrowland for a grand circle tour of the Magic Kingdom, climaxed by a journey through the Grand Canyon and Primeval World -- realm of the dinosaurs. But you probably already knew that.

Now we are leaving the world of fantasy to begin our approach to the Tomorrowland station. As we round the Matterhorn, please keep your knees and elbows inside the train.

Disneyland's Tomorrowland is a world on the move, a showcase for the wonderful worlds of science and industry, where some of Disneyland's most affluent sponsors welcome you into adventures in transportation, communication, and high-end commerce.

Below next to the railroad is the Autopia freeway, where youngsters of all ages drive real gasoline powered cars into each other, and the colorful submarine lagoon, home of the world's largest collection of plastic fish. Towering high above is Matterhorn mountain, with its two thrilling bobsled runs and hidden basketball court.

Please remain seated until the train comes to a complete stop. There are no doors, so don't wait for them to open. As you step from the train, lower your head, watch your step, and please exit as directed. And if you've got a mountain lion sitting next to you, don't feed him -- just tell him to hop out and hightail it back to his own stomping ground. Thank you for joining us aboard the Santa Fe and Disneyland Railroad, and have a happy day in Walt Disney's Magic Kingdom.

Disneyland Railroad
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396 Pure, Unadulterated, Dyed-In-The-Wool, 100% Made-Up, Completely Fake Disneyland "Facts"
Get another book!