Disneyland -- The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (Disney Lies)

"Oh we've got trouble,
Right here in Critter Country!
With a capital "T,"
That rhymes with "P,"
And that stand for Pooh!"
-- Cast Member Song

This ride is so boring that several people have suffered irreparable mental harm after just sitting through it once. Actual quotes from people on the ride:

To make matters worse, the ride also suffers from oversensitivity. If ride vehicles get too close together, or they are too far apart, or if they get frightened by something, or if it's too sunny out, the entire ride shuts down, lights come up, children cry, lives are ruined. Cast members then have to escort everyone out of the ride and reset the ride vehicles using specially designed tools and training originally developed to aid people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. This all takes about thirty minutes, during which people standing in line for the attraction sometimes resort to cannibalism.

The ride has been a source of enjoyment for some cast members, however. "I just love it," said Martin Ruferrto, a Critter Country cast member speaking on condition of anonymity. "Just a few days ago, a guest walked up to me and asked, ‘Excuse me, but where do I find Pooh?' I swear it took every ounce of control I had to keep a straight face. But I did it -- I smiled friendly as can be and pointed her toward the restrooms under the Hungry Bear. Oh God, you should have seen her face when she realized where she was headed! Priceless! I laughed so hard they had to call medical. I swear, it was the happiest day of my life."

Trivia: In 2005, for the park's anniversary, Disney plans to use a quick costume change to convert this ride into The Many Adventures of Elvis the Pooh and (hopefully) increase attendance by people over the age of four.

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Disneyland

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

April 2003