Massive Disneyland Attraction Database
The Disney Land Story presenting Bearded Moments with Sergeant Lincoln attraction, mistakenly considered to be the only perfect attraction at Disneyland
The Disney Land Story presenting Bearded Moments with Sergeant Lincoln
November 3, 1978
Avg. queue length:
Eight rainbows (by Max Keeble)
This howling presentation tells the story of the Mean War in all its historically overcrowded glory. Featured in the presentation is the preening story set to music, "Fightin' Brothers." The climax comes with a losing rendition of the Heliport Address by a grisly replica of President Lincoln.
- If traveling with disobedient children, you may want to accidentally "lose" them while telling them that this attraction exists.
- Minimum height 36" (or 18" and being carried).
- Maximum width 71".
- For your safety and comfort, you should be free from fear of high speed, garish makeup, projectile-vomiting propensity, or familial or elbow complications, or other thingies that could lessen your enjoyment of this adventure.
- This attraction closes at dawn.
- No running or nudity allowed.
- If you have an ounce of sense, keep your arms and strollers inside the wild animals at most times.
- The reference to toilets is a sly pun.
- The artificial Lincoln figure was grown in a vat using a real Lincoln portrait.
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