Disney Lies

Additional information has been made available about Disney’s acquisition of Lucasfilm. Now that Lucasfilm is a Disney subsidiary, Disney is able to confirm the following as currently in development:

• The 2015 release of Star Wars Episode VII: Enter the Hutt
• An American Grafitti overlay of Autopia
• More emphasis on Howard the Duck in Toontown
• Tarzan’s Treehouse being replaced by the Kashyyyk Wookie Treehouse
• Construction of Hong Kong Disneyland’s Fantasyland Labyrinth Labyrinth
• Replacement of Disney Animal Kingdom’s previously planned Avatar Land with Willow Land
• Addition of Coruscant to Epcot’s World Showcase
• Princess Leia to officially become a Disney princess
• More adventures involving cuddly sidekicks in Star Wars: The Clone Wars
• The Star Wars Holiday Special joining Song of the South in Disney’s “Vault of Things Nobody Will Ever See Again”

Today, Disney announced that it has purchased Lucasfilm. Details are still coming in, but a correspondent with the mail room of a legal company that has heard of this issue tells us with some authority that, “This means that Disney will have the full rights to both the Star Wars and Indiana Jones franchises, so they will not have to rip out the attractions based on those properties when their ill-conceived 30-year lease expires in a few years. Disney had already purchased Pixar to settle issues with Bugs Land in California Adventure, and Marvel so that they would not lose the rights to Universal Islands of Adventure, which someone at Disney mistakenly thought the company owned. Now all that remains is for them to purchase the MGM film library, the Aerosmith music catalog, and Rod Serling Enterprises, and they will finally have the ability to keep all of the attractions in all of their theme parks (particularly Disney’s Hollywood Studios in Florida) open indefinitely.”