Disney Lies

In celebration of the immensely profitable new Pixar film WALL*E, Disney is moving forward with its “Hiring the Body Electric” initiative, which will see robots used much more extensively throughout the theme parks.

In this photo, you can just make out a trio of electronic cast members performing regular maintenance in the Haunted Mansion’s garden.

In the future, expect to see robotic humanoids picking up trash, cooking food, repairing attractions, handling disruptions, enforcing line etiquette, punishing the rebellious, and generally keeping puny humans in their rightful place — the happiest place on earth!

There has been quite a bit of controversy recently regarding rumored plans to insert Disney characters into Disneyland’s classic “it’s a small world” attraction (Condorman in Canada, Nemo in the vehicle waterway, etc.)

To address complaints that classic Mary “Mary” Blair characters are going to be displaced by cartoon characters, Imagineers have announced that any displaced characters will find new homes in other Disneyland attractions. Look for tiny foreign children to make ghostly appearances in the Haunted Mansion, float weightless in Space Mountain, and participate in the newly rescripted, “tiki room school room.”