Posts Tagged ‘gratuitous caganer reference’

The first annual Disneyland Jingle Cruise is coming!

Friday, October 25th, 2013

This year, for the first time ever, Disneyland will be doing a holiday overlay of the world-famous Jungle Cruise. The “Jingle Cruise” will have many Christmas-themed show elements, including:

  • Christmas songs playing in the queue (“I Sank Three Ships,” “The Little Skipper Boy,” “Winter Jungleland,” “Tarzan Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” “I Saw Monkeys Kissing Santa Claus”)
  • Seasonally renamed boats (Figgy Pudding, Secret Santa, Jingle Belle, The Caganer)
  • Skippers dressed in itchy hand-made sweaters.
  • Peppermint-scented jungle water.
  • Jungle mist replaced by Christmist.
  • Temple ruins covered in twinkly lights.
  • Giant nutcracker Ganesha.
  • Elephant squirts trunkfulls of eggnog at boat.
  • Gorilla with gun collecting for the Salvation Army.
  • All giraffes draped in tinsel.
  • Over in a corner somewhere there’s a toucan with a dreidel.
  • Bamboo forest painted with red and white stripes.
  • Charging hippo chased away with traditional British Christmas cracker.
  • Beautiful bows on all human skulls.
  • Hungry piranha replaced by flailing, drowning elves.

The attraction’s script has also been rewritten for the holidays. Some highlights:

  • “There are usually three king cobras here: one with gold, one with frankincense, and — you’d better look in the water for the third, he likes to hang out with the myrrh-maids.”
  • “This waterfall was named Summer because it’s fed by a mountain spring named for winter, giving us what we call Winter Spring Summer Falls.”
  • “Here’s a unique sight — an enormous African elephant dressed for the season in a Santa Claus outfit. And on the right, another unique sight — an enormous African elephant dressed for the season in a Santa Claus outfit.”
  • “And that, dear friends, is why a zebra should never bring a lion fruitcake.”
  • “On the first day of Christmas my rhino gave to me, explorers in a dead tree.”
  • “Look out! The natives I gave spears to are regifting!”
  • “And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for — the back side of Winter!”
  • “The python has hung out mistletoe, but don’t be fooled — he wants a hug, not a kiss.”
  • “I see that poor Trader Sam’s Christmas budget is still shrinking.”
  • “There’s the dock up ahead, so make like a Christmas gift and prepare to be returned.”