Disney Lies

After four months of refurbishment — during which the canoe’s tracks were straightened and the riverbed was sifted for stray wallets — Disneyland’s Rivers of America is once again being filled. According to one random person nearby who happened to be wearing an official-looking hat, it’s a more difficult process than you might imaging.

“The actual filling with water isn’t that difficult,” said the person, who looked kind of like an engineer, “it’s just a matter of organizing a couple of bucket brigades to bring water from Pirates and Splash and dump it in the river. What is difficult to manage is the ducks. Every single duck — and there are hundreds of them — has to be individually raised on jacks as the river’s level rises or the poor things would drown. But the ducks are an important part of the river. If it weren’t for them, the river wouldn’t have the thick, green color that gives it its realistic appearance and helps hide the tracks, Fantasmic! gear, and cast-member beer stashes.”