September 2nd, 2014
Too many Disney news stories today to keep track of! Some highlights for those of you who don’t have time for actual news sources:
- There’s a new Frozen short film coming! In “Frozen Fever,” Anna catches a cold from building a snowman with her sister and, in a state of fevered delirium, leaves Kristoff for Olaf.
- A few days ago, Disney fan Brent Dodge set a record by visiting every attraction at every park in Walt Disney World every day for 365 days. Said Dodge, “I’m tired.” Several groups are protesting his record, contending that he cheated by not seeing all shows and parades and deliberately not counting attractions that were closed for refurbishment.
- Disney has officially announced a trademark lawsuit against mouse-themed music creator Deadmau5 over his use of a logo that looks suspiciously like the famous Disney Mickey Mouse silhouette a fraction of a second after a stick of dynamite exploded in Mickey’s mouth. Deadmau5 responded to Disney’s lengthy legal complaint by cutting it into bits and mixing it with a complaint of his own creation so that it was easier to dance to.
August 29th, 2014
The most difficult to obtain Juju is the Sacred Scull juju.
During the first weeks of the Adventure Trading Company activity, guests could get a Sacred Skull by simply trading “one of theirs for one of yours.” All you needed to do was find something in the park that could be fashioned into the shape of a skull (antenna balls, wadded napkins, and the remains of things executed by feral cats were popular) and trade it at the Company for a Sacred Skull juju (after paying the usual “exchange fee,” of course).
This stopped when significant complaints started. It turns out that even though Disney was using only the highest quality, organic, free-range, locally sourced, hand-painted, artisanally shrunken skulls, certain people have an aversion to using human skulls for any purpose they see as “frivolous” or “blasphemous.”
That is why today the Sacred Skull juju is no longer available in the park, is illegal to bring across state lines, and can be found on eBay selling for upwards of $1,000.
August 28th, 2014
This is, by far, the most difficult of all the juju to earn. Before you can receive your juju, you have to gather the ingredients for Trader Sam’s famous punch. There are clues to the ingredients hidden around Adventureland, but after you discover what the ingredients are, you still have to collect them and then follow the instructions in a secret telegram* to know what to do with them.
To save you some time, the ingredients and where you can find them are:
- 16-year-old scotch (from Merida in Fantasyland, obviously)
- Hair of the Dug that bit you (found in Redwood Creek Challenge Trail, in DCA)
- Bathtub jinn (obtained by putting quarters into Aladdin’s Other Lamp until you happen to interrupt the genie while he’s in the bath)
Once you have all of the ingredients, take them to Trader Sam’s Enchanted Tiki Bar at the Disneyland hotel, show what you have collected along with a Disneyland hotel room key, and order the punch!
A word of warning, the Tiki juju has a face expressing obvious disgust. You should take this as a clue before attempting to drink Sam’s punch.
*This is the only juju that requires a visit to a bar to redeem, and therefore is the only one whose activity is specifically geared to an adult audience. With that in mind, we have carefully censored certain adult-oriented portions of the telegrams for the benefit of our more sensitive readers.
August 27th, 2014
The Pineapple juju is not the most difficult to obtain, but it can prove to be a bit tricky for guests who do not have either a degree in cryptology or a handy enigma machine.
After paying your fee at the usual place, you receive an envelope on which are instructions we didn’t bother to read and in which is a map.
The map has a message in the top left written in what Disney fans refer to as “AT&T Code.” To obtain a key to the code, you must either visit the Indiana Jones Adventure attraction in 1995 or go to a secret, unmarked place within the queue, put your map against the wall, and rub the map with a colored pencil until the key emerges or you are ejected from the park, whichever comes first.
Once decoded, the message reads:
We aren’t sure what that means either. It’s supposed to lead you to another secret message, but we couldn’t find it. However, we did discover that if you go back to the Adventure Trading Post and say, “I tried to decode the second message and it didn’t make any sense,” they’ll give you your juju, so that must be what the second message says.
August 26th, 2014
An important shipment has been lost, and you need to find it! To begin this adventure. purchase a newspaper from the Adventure Trading Company. Within the paper is an advertisement for a 900 telephone number ($5/minute plus international fees since it’s calling Africa) that will give you instructions for tracking down the important crate.
Normally, you will need to go to Frontierland and play some silly land-trading game for half the day in order to earn enough pretend money to purchase the key to the secret box that holds the map that shows where the crate that holds the lost shipment is located.
We’ll save you the trouble: It’s in the middle of Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, just sitting on the rock next to the goat eating explosives.
Find the crate and receive your Snake juju. Why a snake? It turns out that venom from a certain species of deadly snake is a certain cure for Sydenham’s chorea (otherwise known as Saint Vitus dance) — a disease that has infected many Adventureland jungle natives and causes an infected person to constantly dance, sometimes for as long as 60 years.
August 25th, 2014
It’s time for a break — try an eyeball cake!
As part of the Adventure Trading Company experience, Tropical Imports has for sale delicious sponge cake covered in pineapple with cherry drizzle and a blackberry in the center that looks uncannily like a human eye! When you purchase one, you will also receive the Eyeball juju (as well as the right the purchase an “I ate an eyeball at Disneyland” t-shirt).
August 24th, 2014
This is another simple juju to earn.
It is a well-known fact that a parrot’s beak has enough raw strength to snap your finger right off. A real, live parrot sits atop a perch in the Adventure Trading Company, ready to test guests who want to earn the Courage juju. To pass the test, you pick up one of five objects from a table and offer it to the parrot. If the parrot likes what you offer, it will take it. If the parrot doesn’t like the gift, it will viciously attack.
The five objects you have to choose from are:
- A bad-tempered cobra
- A live electrical wire
- A poisonous spiny sea urchin
- A bottle of “Just Right for Fingers” barbecue sauce
- An Apple
The correct answer is the apple. Give that to the bird and, nine times out of ten, you’ll be fine.
August 23rd, 2014
The Treehouse Secret juju is another exceptionally easy one to earn. After paying the Adventure Trading Company, go to Tarzan’s Treehouse and look for the elephant. Once you find it, you will be given an Elephant juju.
If you are having trouble finding the elephant, look in Tarzan’s refrigerator. The elephant is the thing with the red-painted toenails that is trying to look like a strawberry.
August 22nd, 2014
Asking the Adventure Trading Company to sign you up for Skipper Training gets you a small handbook that will help you study to take the official Jungle Cruise Skipper Exam.
Most of the information in the book is stuff you probably already know. For example, the main parts of a ship (crow’s deck, gangwayplank, bilgesprit, poopsail, etc.), the most numerous type of animal in the jungle (animatronic), and the minimum allowable humor score of a Jungle Cruise joke (zero).
When you are done studying, present yourself at the Jungle Cruise exit and take your final exam. The exam has three parts: taking a legally binding oath that includes references to undisclosed small print, paying a substantial “tuition fee,” and telling a Jungle Cruise-style joke.
For most guests, the third part is the most difficult. So that you don’t have to go through the stress of trying to come up with something, we have prepared a list of suitable jokes you can choose from:
- What’s black and white and red all over? A “sleeping” zebra.
- Why does a lion wear red suspenders? It ate a firefighter.
- What has four wheels and flies? That jeep and whoever was trapped under it.
- How do you stop a hippopotamus from charging? Shoot it.
Bonus joke (for experts only):
- Why does Africa have a veldt? To keep its vandts up.
Passing the test earns you a Tooth juju. The tooth is similar to that encountered in the last moments of many an adventurer who thought a tiger couldn’t harm them because it was only 10 feet away.
August 21st, 2014
This is one of the two easiest jujus to earn. All you need to do is perform two simple tasks.
First, visit Bengal Barbecue and order the “fish drink special” (it only costs 50% more than the other Adventure Trading Company tasks). You will receive a glass with a strange green liquid in which is floating red spheres. The liquid is a fish-flavored soda (imported from Japan), and the red spheres are salmon roe.
Second, find the “Intestinal Fortitude” testing cast member near the barbecue’s exit and drink the entire beverage in their presence. Half an hour later, if you have managed to keep it down, you earn your Fish juju.