That’s NOT At Disneyland!

June 23rd, 2014

That's NOT At Disneyland!

It’s actual-announcement time at DisneyLies! Our new book, That’s NOT At Disneyland!, is now available to order. TNAD is sort of a photographic puzzle book, in which you can look at photos and descriptions of Disneyland locations that have been “modified” by DisneyLies’ own Horatio Liar. Can you figure out what’s real and what isn’t? Whether or not you can, it’s fun!

The book will be available at Amazon in the near future. For now, you can find it at Lulu for 30% off. Which is better than 10% more than 20% off!

Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.

Please run out and buy a copy to help us pay for our sainted mother’s eye operation*!

*Example used for promotional purposes only. Mother’s eye operation and/or sainthood do not necessarily exist.

Disney Trivia Quiz

June 20th, 2014

What significant change was made to the Jungle Cruise attraction when the Indiana Jones attraction was being built?

a) The river was lengthened so that the attraction’s duration in seconds was identical to the Indiana Jones trilogy’s run time in minutes.

b) At the point where an anaconda in a tree is seen, a very forced “why did it have to be snakes” joke was shoehorned into the spiel.

c) Added scene where hippo attacks the boat with jaws full of gigantic teeth and the skipper just shoots it.

d) The shrunken head held by Trader Sam got a tiny hat and whip.


Answer coming tomorrow! (approximately)

(Answer to yesterday’s question: a) The American Psychiatric Association)

Disney Trivia Quiz

June 19th, 2014

Who was the original sponsor of the “it’s a small world” attraction?

a) The American Communist Party

b) Joseph Stalin

c) Charles Manson

d) Pepsi


Answer coming tomorrow!

(Answer to yesterday’s question: b: Truth, justice, and the American way)

Disney Trivia Quiz

June 18th, 2014

EPCOT stands for:

a) Experimental Prototype Cot

b) Everything Probably Can Open Tomorrow

c) Elias’ Plastic Can of Tuna

d) Every Possible Character (Only Topiaries)


Answer coming tomorrow!

(Answer to yesterday’s question: c: Time travel)

Disneyland: Stop Using Dangerous Electron Streams in Space Mountain

June 17th, 2014

We at DisneyLies are very concerned about the following article which we reprint in its entirety without comment from what we’re claiming is the website.

Greetings, this is Vanessa Hotty, owner and writer at

Everyone from President Richard Nixon to leaders of countries that aren’t Russia to anyone who has won a Superbowl have visited Disneyland for its purportedly “family friendly” and “magical” atmosphere.

Unfortunately, not only these people have been duped, but billions of people all over the world have been, too.

I discovered that many attractions at Disneyland, such as Space Mountain, contain a technological element referred to as electron streams. These are used in all the Space Mountains at Disney parks in America and around the world.

The electron streams at Disneyland are the same as those used in atomic weapons, communist dictatorships’ printing presses, and the electric chairs in federal penitentiaries. They are not supposed to be touched by people. And are most certainly not “magical”.

Disneyland is using this technological abomination to power special effects and lighting which allows them to run Space Mountain faster and cheaper than if everything were moved manually and lit with candles, but without caring a whit about these dangers and alarming thingies:

  • Electron streams can be found in lightning, one of nature’s most dangerous phenomena.
  • The U.S. uses electron streams to perform public executions, even though the death penalty has been illegal in Europe for decades.
  • A mad scientist and enemy of awesome genius Nicola Tesla once used streams of electrons to kill a poor, innocent elephant.
  • Electron streams often lead to the formation of magnetic fields which are used in junk yards to pick up cars and take them to be smashed.
  • A big-rig truck that contained enormous numbers of electrons in both its structure and cargo once hit a school bus and killed or injured dozens of innocent children (and possibly nuns and puppies).

I implore you to join me and demand that Disneyland remove electron streams from their attractions. Disneyland doesn’t have to go back to the drawing board. They can use live actors instead of electron-tainted Lincolns and hydraulics, pneumatics, and good-old elbow grease to launch their mountains into space and keep their non-electrocuted elephant rides spinning.

Disneyland is the best theme park company in the world. If Disneyland changes Space Mountain, we are convinced this could push other ride operators across the globe to finally banish this hazardous elemental force once and for all time.

As people who pay nearly $100 just to get in the gate, we deserve real magic — not electric chairs.

Cultivating the Magic tour highlights

June 3rd, 2014

Yesterday, the DisneyLies staff took a completely unearned break and went on the Disneyland “Cultivating the Magic” guided tour (not to be confused with Disneyland’s “Magic Cultivation Internship,” which is a long-term commitment opportunity to visit the park after hours and assist with grounds-keeping without the burden of summer heat or wages).

Cultivating the Magic tour badge

Before the tour, guests are given a customized “Cultivating the Magic” badge. This helps keep the group together, and gives participants a sense of superiority over those who only paid for park admission.

The tour spans some twelve hours and involves in-depth discussion of and interaction with the 8,000+ species and varieties of plants on Disneyland grounds. Guests are reminded to wear long sleeves and to tuck their jeans into their boots. Standard booster shots are recommended but not required.

We will not detail the entire tour here. Instead, we present our 10 favorite bits of information learned during the experience.

1: Disney is a leader in planet-friendly gardening. For example, did you know that every single plant at Disneyland is entirely solar powered?

2: Disney’s water system is completely self contained. Water cycles endlessly through a series of underground pipes to keep it from stagnating, and evaporation is counteracted annually with the tears of guests when ticket prices are increased.

Cultivating the Magic tour: Jungle Cruise

3: The Jungle Cruise has many plants, quite a few of which are cleverly cultivated to mimic jungle plants that are unable to grow in California’s climate. For example, many vines are simulated with the roots of orange trees that have been planted upside down, necessitating extensive digging at each orange harvest.

Cultivating the Magic tour: Jungle Cruise gorilla

4: The bananas set in front of this animatronic gorilla have to be replaced each day to keep them fresh. A stickler for tradition, Disney grows their bananas using trees that, instead of being grown from banana seeds, were created by taking cuttings from the first banana tree ever used.

Cultivating the Magic tour: Dominguez palm

5: This Adventureland palm tree, the tallest in the park, is named the “Dominguez Palm” in honor of the son of the owner of the property on which Disneyland was built, Ron Palm.

Cultivating the Magic tour: Dinosaur Plants

6: The plants in the Primeval World Diorama were grown using genetic material culled from the remains of seeds found in the stomachs of amber-preserved prehistoric vegetarian mosquitoes.

Cultivating the Magic tour: Hanging basket

7: The hanging baskets found throughout the park are created by wrapping a golf ball in layer upon layer of roots until a giant ball is formed, into which flowers are stuck.

Cultivating the Magic tour: Haunted Mansion

8: The Haunted Mansion’s “Little Leota” holds a bloom of hemlock. It’s widely known that all of the plants in Tomorrowland are edible and none of the plants in Toontown contain right angles, but did you know that every plants visible in the Haunted Mansion is either poisonous or venomous?

Cultivating the Magic tour: Storybook Land

9: To keep the plants in Storybook Land small, they are each planted in a small, buried pot. This is why it is often said that this attraction is full of pot plants, much to the delight of junior high school students and those who sympathize with their sense of humor.

Cultivating the Magic tour: Disney Rose

The rose bed behind the Dumbo attraction contains the official Disney rose, copyrightus Disneyanus. The rose was bred to bloom in the precise PMS color of Disney-logo blue. Seeds are available at most gardening centers, but before you plant your garden, be sure to read the small print on the packet. Although Disney is happy to let you grow and enjoy their rose, they technically only grant you a license to use their rose, so you do not really own the flowers outright, and Disney does not guarantee that the plants will be compatible with future soil conditions.

Snow White’s “Naughty” Adventure

May 26th, 2014

Here’s something to try if you’re visiting Disneyland with someone who thinks they’re too grown up for it to be any fun:

  1. Ask them if they’d like to see something naughty in one of the attractions.
  2. Take them on Snow White’s Scary Adventures.
  3. Show them this:

    Knotty picture from Snow White

  4. Say, “See that rope? Pretty knotty, isn’t it?”
  5. Enjoy their ribald laughter.

Miniature dungeon for sale!

May 25th, 2014

During our spare time in the last few months, the staff of DisneyLies has been working hard on a new hobby — creating Disney miniatures! Our first creation, after thousands of work hours, is now complete. It’s a Ken/Barbie-scale version of the dungeon seen in the Disneyland Snow White’s Scary Adventure queue!

The amount of detail we put into this is, we think, unbelievable. Knowing how much guests like to throw money into the scene, we even populated it with hundreds of real electromagnetically shrunken pieces of change!

Snow White's Scary Adventures queue dungeon model

To give you an idea of the level of detail, the spell book is an actual, hand-bound little book that has content on every page, the stone is mold-pressed paper pulp (from our large collection of historic Disneyland guide maps and ticket media), and the skull is lovingly hand-carved from a peanut!

Snow White's Scary Adventures queue dungeon model

Because we really don’t have anywhere in the DisneyLies office to put this thing, we have decided to offer it for sale. It’s on eBay right now if you ‘d like to give it a good home! (Link)

Update: We’ve removed the eBay link, since the model has been sold. In retrospect, the “Buy it now” price of $20 (with free shipping) might have been lowballing. Oh well — just wait until we complete our miniature, fully-functional Matterhorn. Nobody’s getting away with that for less than three figures!

Let’s all go see the goats!

May 24th, 2014

With the line to see the Frozen princesses growing so long (so long, in fact, that they have installed restrooms and a restaurant next to it), Disneyland guests are desperate for relaxation after their moving-slow-as-ice ordeal. This has led many guests to head over to the low-energy Big Thunder Ranch after visiting the princesses, and consequently forced Disney to take measures to handle the new crowds in this animal-positive area.

Disneyland goat loading zone sign

The biggest change is in the goat-petting area. The line to pet goats is now pretty significant, often reaching nearly to Fantasyland, and necessitating the installation of guide rails and signage to stop things from getting out of control.

Fortunately, Disney has really stepped up in this instance. They not only have additional staff (“Goat Guides”) to help manage the goat experience, they have also further themed the goats by assigning each animal a name and personality.

For example, here is “Butty” — supposedly the most evil goat in existence.

Most evil goat in the worldAfter seeing the picture, can you doubt it’s true?

Cow stacking!

May 23rd, 2014

Here’s an interesting Disneyland detail! In the window of one of the Main Street shops — right next to the Carnation restaurant — there is a display of old-fashioned toys. One of these is a traditional Stack of Cows.

Traditional stack of cows in Disneyland shop window

Today, few people remember that a cow-stacking set (a dozen progressively smaller cows sold in a tin container shaped like a milk bottle) was a traditional present for American children around the time Walt Disney was a youth. Back then, these were as common on Christmas morning as Noah’s Arks, rolling hoops, and documents of factory indenture!