Juju Secrets: Juju #4 — Treehouse Secret

August 23rd, 2014

The Treehouse Secret juju is another exceptionally easy one to earn. After paying the Adventure Trading Company, go to Tarzan’s Treehouse and look for the elephant. Once you find it, you will be given an Elephant juju.

Elephant juju

If you are having trouble finding the elephant, look in Tarzan’s refrigerator. The elephant is the thing with the red-painted toenails that is trying to look like a strawberry.

Juju Secrets: Juju #3 — Skipper Training

August 22nd, 2014

Asking the Adventure Trading Company to sign you up for Skipper Training gets you a small handbook that will help you study to take the official Jungle Cruise Skipper Exam.

Adventureland skipper handbook

Most of the information in the book is stuff you probably already know. For example, the main parts of a ship (crow’s deck, gangwayplank, bilgesprit, poopsail, etc.), the most numerous type of animal in the jungle (animatronic), and the minimum allowable humor score of a Jungle Cruise joke (zero).

When you are done studying, present yourself at the Jungle Cruise exit and take your final exam. The exam has three parts: taking a legally binding oath that includes references to undisclosed small print, paying a substantial “tuition fee,” and telling a Jungle Cruise-style joke.

For most guests, the third part is the most difficult. So that you don’t have to go through the stress of trying to come up with something, we have prepared a list of suitable jokes you can choose from:

  • What’s black and white and red all over? A “sleeping” zebra.
  • Why does a lion wear red suspenders? It ate a firefighter.
  • What has four wheels and flies? That jeep and whoever was trapped under it.
  • How do you stop a hippopotamus from charging? Shoot it.

Bonus joke (for experts only):

  • Why does Africa have a veldt? To keep its vandts up.

Passing the test earns you a Tooth juju. The tooth is similar to that encountered in the last moments of many an adventurer who thought a tiger couldn’t harm them because it was only 10 feet away.

Juju Secrets: Juju #2 — Fish Drink

August 21st, 2014

This is one of the two easiest jujus to earn. All you need to do is perform two simple tasks.

First, visit Bengal Barbecue and order the “fish drink special” (it only costs 50% more than the other Adventure Trading Company tasks). You will receive a glass with a strange green liquid in which is floating red spheres. The liquid is a fish-flavored soda (imported from Japan), and the red spheres are salmon roe.

Second, find the “Intestinal Fortitude” testing cast member near the barbecue’s exit and drink the entire beverage in their presence. Half an hour later, if you have managed to keep it down, you earn your Fish juju.

Fish juju

Juju Secrets: Juju #1 — Bird Photos

August 20th, 2014

The Bird Call is a magazine which, if purchased at the Adventure Trading Company, gives you instructions for earning a “bird talent scouting” juju. In order to receive your prize, you must take photographs of five types of bird and then bring those photos to the Tiki Room.

The Bird Call Adventureland juju magazine

Driving all around Southern California looking for birds can be time consuming. Since you’d rather be standing in a queue tweeting and ignoring the people you’re traveling with than searching for birds, we have prepared links to appropriate photos that you can use. Just present these to the Tiki Room bird judge and your will receive your juju.

The five categories of birds you must collect are:

When you complete your task, you receive a Tree juju because birds live in trees.

Juju Secrets: Adventure Trading Company

August 19th, 2014

For the month of August, Disneyland has a series of special adventures available in (coincidentally) Adventureland. Guests wishing to participate in these adventures make their way to the Adventure Trading Company, identified by these signs:

Adventure Trading Company signs

There, guests are able to learn more about available adventures and purchase equipment and information necessary for their completion (limited availability, while supplies last, no discounts, no returns, proceed at your own risk).

The month is almost over, so for the next few days we will be sharing details of each of the adventures as well as the secrets needed to complete it without having to go to all the trouble to actually do the activities you paid to do.

See you tomorrow!

3D at Disneyland!

August 18th, 2014

Disneyland is always trying out new technology to enhance the guest experience. Today, as part of the ramp up to next year’s 60th anniversary celebration, Disneyland placed a few of their new “3Disneytm” objects in the park.

Select guests were given pairs of 3D glasses (the old-fashioned ones with different colored lenses) that they could use to view certain “3Disnifiedtm” objects, such as one of the Main Street cannons, seen here:

3D Cannon

It’s impossible to recreate this effect online, but trust us when we say that when you look at the cannon through the glasses it appears to be in real, honest-to-goodness 3D, just like in the movies!

Our favorite test of this new technology was, of course, animatronic Lincoln. Too bad that they don’t allow photographs in there!

Actual serious post: Missing Robin Williams

August 11th, 2014

Aladdin: What would you wish for?

Genie: Me? No one’s ever asked me that before. Well, in my case — oh, forget it.

Aladdin: What?

Genie: No, I can’t. I–

Aladdin: Come on, tell me.

Genie: [sigh] Freedom.

(We miss you, Robin, and hope you’re finally free.)

Tree Talk

August 6th, 2014

Tomorrow, Disney California Adventure’s Turtle Talk with Crush attraction will be closed for a two-week refurbishment. The attraction will reopen August 21 with a completely new show, Tree Talk with Groot. According to a park spokesperson who spoke to us on the condition that we remain anonymous:

Tree Talk with Groot will bring the famous Guardians of the Galaxy character to life through interactive real-time cartoonography. Guests will be able to ask Groot questions about his friends, 1970s dance music, techniques for mass annihilation of enemies, the morality of whittling, or anything else they like!

Very little change is needed to convert the theater from a Crush to a Groot theme. In fact, the bulk of the attraction’s down time is not due to construction, but due to the large amount of time needed for the cast member portraying Groot to memorize the character’s extensive dialogue.

Disney Corporate Update

August 5th, 2014

Disney Head Honcho Bob “Robert” Iger made a number of announcements to investors and the press today. Among the highlights:

  • Disney will be adapting the novel The Wrinkle in Time into a feature film, tentatively titled Wrinkled.
  • Disney Interactive had substantial earnings, thanks in part to the success of Frozen-themed game ap “Flappy Snowbird.”
  • The presence of Start Wars will be increased in the parks. Specifically, “You’ll see some big changes in the ‘it’s a small world holiday’ overlay now that Disney owns the rights to The Star Wars Holiday¬† Special.”
  • When asked how Harrison Ford’s injury will impact the release of the new Star Wars film, Iger revealed that production is on track, after a lengthy parkour-style chase/combat scene (with Ford doing his own stunts) was replaced by a scene of the villain appearing and Han Solo just shooting him. To placate uber-fans, the villain has been recast as a Rodian.
  • It’s official: Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. has been cancelled. Its time slot will be filled by Marvel’s Agents of HYDRA.
  • It is predicted that the MyMagic+ program will finally turn a profit next quarter, when all remaining bands and infrastructure are sold for scrap.
  • Anticipating a resurgence in demand based on the success of Guardians of the Galaxy, Disney has placed orders for hundreds of thousands of its once-massively popular raccoon-skin caps.
  • When asked why there was no Pixar film released this year, Iger explained that “We forgot.”
  • A reporter asked if Disney feels the need to take over cable channels through mergers and acquisitions. It was made clear that Disney “feels the need to take over everything.”

Awesome Mix-up Vol. 1

August 4th, 2014

Earth music from the 1970s plays an important part in Guardians of the Galaxy. Throughout the film, Star-Lord (not his real name) plays music from a cassette tape given to him by his mother, titled “Awesome Mix Vol. 1.” (To be clear, this is the title of the tape, not Star-Lord’s mother.)

As a tie-in with the movie, Disney released a CD version of Awesome Mix Vol. 1, so that fans of the movie could recreate the experience of dancing to classic popular music while their girlfriends look at them like they’ve lost their mind. Unfortunately, the CD includes the Jackson 5 track “I Want You Back,” causing an uproar among fans.

A person with a rash from sitting too long at the computer and too much time on his hands explains:

In the film, which surely must serve as cannon for this issue, the Jackson 5 song “I Want You Back” is clearly seen as being part of Awesome Mix Vol. 2, not Vol. 1. It makes no logical sense for the mother of Peter Quill (his real name) to have put the song on both tapes, even if she really liked it, even though she had cancer. Also, did you notice that Quill’s mother was also in Captain America? That’s part of a whole sub plot that’s really obvious so I’m sure you don’t need me to go into details, but I will if you really need me to.

For the record, the official Awesome Mix Vol. 1 track listing is as follows:

  1. I Don’t Like Mondays (Boomtown Rats)
  2. In the Navy (Village People)
  3. You’re the One That I Want (Travolta/Newton-John)
  4. Kung Fu Fighting (Carl Douglas)
  5. School’s Out (Alice Cooper)
  6. Sugar, Sugar (The Archies)
  7. It’s a Sunshine Day (The Brady Bunch)
  8. Cold as Ice (Foreigner)
  9. I’m Alive (Electric Light Orchestra)
  10. Funky Town (Lipp’s Inc.)
  11. The Night Chicago Died (Paper Lace)
  12. Disco Inferno (The Trammps)
  13. The Hustle (Van McCoy)
  14. The Loco-Motion (Grand Funk Railroad)