3D at Disneyland!

August 18th, 2014

Disneyland is always trying out new technology to enhance the guest experience. Today, as part of the ramp up to next year’s 60th anniversary celebration, Disneyland placed a few of their new “3Disneytm” objects in the park.

Select guests were given pairs of 3D glasses (the old-fashioned ones with different colored lenses) that they could use to view certain “3Disnifiedtm” objects, such as one of the Main Street cannons, seen here:

3D Cannon

It’s impossible to recreate this effect online, but trust us when we say that when you look at the cannon through the glasses it appears to be in real, honest-to-goodness 3D, just like in the movies!

Our favorite test of this new technology was, of course, animatronic Lincoln. Too bad that they don’t allow photographs in there!

Actual serious post: Missing Robin Williams

August 11th, 2014

Aladdin: What would you wish for?

Genie: Me? No one’s ever asked me that before. Well, in my case — oh, forget it.

Aladdin: What?

Genie: No, I can’t. I–

Aladdin: Come on, tell me.

Genie: [sigh] Freedom.

(We miss you, Robin, and hope you’re finally free.)

Tree Talk

August 6th, 2014

Tomorrow, Disney California Adventure’s Turtle Talk with Crush attraction will be closed for a two-week refurbishment. The attraction will reopen August 21 with a completely new show, Tree Talk with Groot. According to a park spokesperson who spoke to us on the condition that we remain anonymous:

Tree Talk with Groot will bring the famous Guardians of the Galaxy character to life through interactive real-time cartoonography. Guests will be able to ask Groot questions about his friends, 1970s dance music, techniques for mass annihilation of enemies, the morality of whittling, or anything else they like!

Very little change is needed to convert the theater from a Crush to a Groot theme. In fact, the bulk of the attraction’s down time is not due to construction, but due to the large amount of time needed for the cast member portraying Groot to memorize the character’s extensive dialogue.

Disney Corporate Update

August 5th, 2014

Disney Head Honcho Bob “Robert” Iger made a number of announcements to investors and the press today. Among the highlights:

  • Disney will be adapting the novel The Wrinkle in Time into a feature film, tentatively titled Wrinkled.
  • Disney Interactive had substantial earnings, thanks in part to the success of Frozen-themed game ap “Flappy Snowbird.”
  • The presence of Start Wars will be increased in the parks. Specifically, “You’ll see some big changes in the ‘it’s a small world holiday’ overlay now that Disney owns the rights to The Star Wars Holiday¬† Special.”
  • When asked how Harrison Ford’s injury will impact the release of the new Star Wars film, Iger revealed that production is on track, after a lengthy parkour-style chase/combat scene (with Ford doing his own stunts) was replaced by a scene of the villain appearing and Han Solo just shooting him. To placate uber-fans, the villain has been recast as a Rodian.
  • It’s official: Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. has been cancelled. Its time slot will be filled by Marvel’s Agents of HYDRA.
  • It is predicted that the MyMagic+ program will finally turn a profit next quarter, when all remaining bands and infrastructure are sold for scrap.
  • Anticipating a resurgence in demand based on the success of Guardians of the Galaxy, Disney has placed orders for hundreds of thousands of its once-massively popular raccoon-skin caps.
  • When asked why there was no Pixar film released this year, Iger explained that “We forgot.”
  • A reporter asked if Disney feels the need to take over cable channels through mergers and acquisitions. It was made clear that Disney “feels the need to take over everything.”

Awesome Mix-up Vol. 1

August 4th, 2014

Earth music from the 1970s plays an important part in Guardians of the Galaxy. Throughout the film, Star-Lord (not his real name) plays music from a cassette tape given to him by his mother, titled “Awesome Mix Vol. 1.” (To be clear, this is the title of the tape, not Star-Lord’s mother.)

As a tie-in with the movie, Disney released a CD version of Awesome Mix Vol. 1, so that fans of the movie could recreate the experience of dancing to classic popular music while their girlfriends look at them like they’ve lost their mind. Unfortunately, the CD includes the Jackson 5 track “I Want You Back,” causing an uproar among fans.

A person with a rash from sitting too long at the computer and too much time on his hands explains:

In the film, which surely must serve as cannon for this issue, the Jackson 5 song “I Want You Back” is clearly seen as being part of Awesome Mix Vol. 2, not Vol. 1. It makes no logical sense for the mother of Peter Quill (his real name) to have put the song on both tapes, even if she really liked it, even though she had cancer. Also, did you notice that Quill’s mother was also in Captain America? That’s part of a whole sub plot that’s really obvious so I’m sure you don’t need me to go into details, but I will if you really need me to.

For the record, the official Awesome Mix Vol. 1 track listing is as follows:

  1. I Don’t Like Mondays (Boomtown Rats)
  2. In the Navy (Village People)
  3. You’re the One That I Want (Travolta/Newton-John)
  4. Kung Fu Fighting (Carl Douglas)
  5. School’s Out (Alice Cooper)
  6. Sugar, Sugar (The Archies)
  7. It’s a Sunshine Day (The Brady Bunch)
  8. Cold as Ice (Foreigner)
  9. I’m Alive (Electric Light Orchestra)
  10. Funky Town (Lipp’s Inc.)
  11. The Night Chicago Died (Paper Lace)
  12. Disco Inferno (The Trammps)
  13. The Hustle (Van McCoy)
  14. The Loco-Motion (Grand Funk Railroad)

Special Guardians screening

August 4th, 2014

Over the weekend, Disney held a special private screening of their new hit film Guardians of the Galaxy in the London Zoo’s raccoon habitat. Said an unlikely representative of the film’s producer Kevin Feige:

We did most of our filming in London, and we thought it only right that we screen the film for the wonderful, intelligent rodents who inspired one of the film’s standout characters, Rocket Raccoon.

For security and anti-piracy reasons, no humans were invited to either this screening or to a second private screening held in California for a stand of ancient redwoods.

A third screening was held for one of Rocket’s creator, Bill Mantlo, who is currently hospitalized.

Said a representative of the production company:

We thought that would be nice, too.

Happy Birthday, Disneyland!

July 17th, 2014

In honor of its 59th birthday today, Disneyland got itself a “Happy Birthday Disneyland” button at City Hall and wore it proudly. One entertaining side effect of this was that for the whole day cast members who noticed the button referred to Disneyland by name.

Rocketext

June 28th, 2014

The folks over at Texts From Superheroes use some kind of secret proprietary technology to intercept text message conversations between super-powered, supernatural, legendary, or otherwise notably heroic or villainic individuals. We were pleased to learn that they had stumbled across a conversation between Disney-fan favorites the Rocketeer and Captain America. They were fabulous enough to allow us to reproduce it here:

Texts from Superheroes

 

Fascinating! Now if they can just catch the Falcon chatting with Condorman (or maybe Darkwing Duck and Howard the Duck), we’d really have something!

Progress City

June 27th, 2014

We are fully in book publicity mode at the moment, but are taking some time off from busily not writing anything for the blog to let you know about a Kickstarter project for a new Disney-related book from some person whose blog we read but otherwise know nothing about, including secret details that only a committed stalker would know, because we don’t and perhaps wouldn’t want to.

The proposed book is called The Progress City Primer (see it on Kickstarter), and will contain none of the following:

  • An explanation of how Walt Disney could get people to lose weight with just one weird old trick.
  • Details of Disneyland’s never-build Monsanto Hall of Colonoscopies.
  • A biographical exploration of little-known Disney employees who somewhat aspired to be Imagineers but weren’t.
  • The secret history of Walt Disney World that they didn’t want you to hear! (Including juicy details of the never-built Condorman vs. Rocketeer Battle Coaster, the truth behind what happened to Animal Kingdom’s dragons, and why Avatar is way cooler than some dumb old wizard kid.)
  • A central 3D pop-up-book-style full-size recreation of Walt Disney’s original Epcot Center concept model.
  • An envelope full of cash (mostly twenties).

The author promises that the book will be hundreds of information-packed pages deep, contain photographs that will look wrong if viewed through a stereoscope, and be crammed with essays that have been added to, updated, or rewritten, often to the point that they have actually been replaced by completely new essays. He will also sign books if requested, or leave them blank so you can sign them yourself.

We don’t make any money off of the sales of this book, but we’re happily promoting it as part of the Disney fan community and in the hope that it will make the author feel guilty enough that he will post a link to That’s NOT At Disneyland! (currently 30% off) on his blog. Or something.

That’s NOT At Disneyland!

June 23rd, 2014

That's NOT At Disneyland!

It’s actual-announcement time at DisneyLies! Our new book, That’s NOT At Disneyland!, is now available to order. TNAD is sort of a photographic puzzle book, in which you can look at photos and descriptions of Disneyland locations that have been “modified” by DisneyLies’ own Horatio Liar. Can you figure out what’s real and what isn’t? Whether or not you can, it’s fun!

The book will be available at Amazon in the near future. For now, you can find it at Lulu for 30% off. Which is better than 10% more than 20% off!

Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.

Please run out and buy a copy to help us pay for our sainted mother’s eye operation*!

*Example used for promotional purposes only. Mother’s eye operation and/or sainthood do not necessarily exist.