Just to help sidetrack rumors that I’ve died, exploded, or become a convert to Universal Studios, I’ve posted a new bit of entertainment on DisneyLies.com. Mouse Words are little stories that you add to by suggesting words to fill in the blanks.
This is a totally original concept, and nothing like MadLibs (or so our lawyers tell me).
Thank you to everyone who has written to say that they miss this blog.
I am currently unable to maintain my writing schedule because an old injury was significantly aggrivated by — you’re going to love the irony here — an attraction at DCA. There was no indication that the attraction could aggrivate my condition so the injury was unexpected, and at the moment I can’t type for long periods of time so I have to save my typing capacity for my day job. I’ve been concentrating my online time on ComicsRemixed.com, as that lets me exercise my sense of humor (such as it is) without doing any typing.
I apologize for not posting about this sooner. Because my injury occurred at DCA, I kind of wanted to keep it quiet and give Disney a chance to change their signage so that others will not be injured as I was. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. After sending a note to Disney, I received an e-mail asking me to contact them so we could discuss the situation further. Since then, they have not replied to my e-mails or returned my phone messages. To say the least, I am disappointed. I am a massive Disney fan and really hoped that they would care about my situation more than this. I haven’t even visited the parks since this occurred (my annual pass is getting all dusty), since I just don’t feel right going there while this is hanging over my head.
But enough whining. My condition is improving, and I hope to be back in some capacity near the end of this month. In the meantime, if any of you are visiting a Disney property and have the chance to take some pictures (of Halloween decorations, characters, buildings, inside attractions — anything, really) I’d appreciate your e-mailing them to me at liar (at) disneylies.com so that I might try to have some fun with them in coming months.
Thank you all for understanding and for all the nice e-mails!
~Liar~
Here’s a bit of Olympic/Disney trivia for you: Did you know that the Olympic opening ceremony in Beijing actually cost more to produce than it originally cost to build Disney’s California Adventure? It’s true!
Epcot’s China pavilion was overrun on Friday night by tourists hoping to catch the Olympic opening ceremonies. “Sometimes we forget just how like the real China our pavilion is,” said supposed Walt Disney World cultural ambassador Princess Fuzzbucket. “It’s only natural that some people would think that the Olympics are being hosted here, but we weren’t prepared for more than 15,000 guests showing up.”
“I’d just rather go here than off to some country with all different time zones and bathrooms and weird food and some gibberish for language and an alphabet,” said Ed Xenophobe, a Disney World guest from Isolation, Kansas. “Each Epcot pavilion is technically part of the host country — or is that embassies? — but anyway it’s as real as the real place and Disney should have done a better job of having the Olympics here, that’s all I’m saying.”
This isn’t the first time that guests have had trouble distinguishing Epcot pavilions from actual countries. For example:
After sneaking into Disneyland more than an hour before opening (it’s amazing what you can do when you’re disguised as a planter), our Official DisneyLies Photographer managed to snap a picture of an Imagineering test of the new Antimatterhorn.
This Matterhorn overlay — accomplished in minutes thanks to billions of carefully installed, computer-controlled black-light LEDs — is intended for use during this year’s Halloween festivities. Rumor has it that, when the Matterhorn is in “evil” mode, the mountain will not only look evil, but the cars will also be fitted with super-bumpy wheels and the Yeti will have a really, really bad haircut (sort of an “abominable mullet,” according to an Imagineer).
As a massive storm prepares to do extensive damage to Texas and Mexico, Disney marketing is rethinking their decision to promote WALL*E’s love of “Hello, Dolly!” by having a hurricane named after the film’s title character. “We probably should have thought it through a little more,” said recently fired director of Disney weather marketing Stormy Klutz. “But the weather bureau called at the last minute and we had to make a snap decision. It was just one of those things.”
Only time will tell if this will become a fiasco on the scale of Bambi’s pro-NRA ads or premiering High School Musical 3 at Columbine High School.
Our good friends at Edison Square are now performing a new song about everyone’s favorite environmentally conscious robot, WALL*E, and they were good enough to provide us with a copy of the lyrics even before they appear on the Edison Square Web site.
The song, sung to the tune of “Hello, Dolly!” (what else?) goes a little something like this:
WALL*E
Hello, Slinky
Well, Hello Twinkie
You’re so nice when I go home you’ll come along.
This is a swell, tea cup
These are a D cup
This one’s glowin’, this fan’s blowin’
They’ll all come along.
I am a bit lonely
And I wish only
That I had a friend who wasn’t just a roach.
So, crush that trash, WALL*E
Cannibalize some parts, WALL*E
WALL*E’ll never have a friend again.
EVE
Hello WALL*E!
Well, hello WALL*E!
I enjoyed when you put on that ancient song.
Hey what is that, WALL*E?
It’s a plant, WALL*E,
It’s still growin’, so I’m goin’
I must move along.
No more time for playin’
‘Cause I’m not stayin’
My directive says I must go home again, so
WALL*E
None of that, EVE
I’m gonna come along, EVE
Eve
I promise you’ll never be alone again
WALL*E
I flew away clinging on to a space ship
And through the atmosphere’s haze
I followed EVE through the maze of the space ship
Together we’ll show Captain the good old days
Humans
Those good old days
Hello, Well Hello WALL*E
Well hello, like my chair, WALL*E?
WALL*E
It’s sure nice but do you like my girlfriend’s gun?
Humans
Girlfriend’s gun
WALL*E
Please understand, Captiain
Can you stand, Captain?
AUTO’s gone insane, is over wrought, and glares like HAL
Humans
We can’t get thinner
If we drink dinner
So we must turn this ship Earthward once again
So…
WALL*E
This is grand, people
EVE finally held my hand, people
Humans
WALL*E’ll never be alone again
Those WDW guests who have suffered through having to set their alarm and get on the phone promptly at 7 a.m., 180 days before their vacation to try and snag a hard-to-come-by Tomorrowland Terrace Noodle Station reservation will be pleased to know that Disney is moving away from the call-in-only system. Beginning in October, guests will be able to log onto the Disney World Web site promptly at 7 a.m., 180 days before their vacation and make dining priority seating requests from the comfort of their own computer without having to deal with a friendly, helpful Disney cast member.
Not only will guests be able to decide what restaurant they will want to eat at in six months, they will also be encouraged to pre-order specific meals, schedule drink refills, and fill out surveys indicating how pleased they expect to be with service and how much of a tip they will leave. Guests who expect that they will encounter difficulty with a server may arrange to meet with a lead cast member at a specified time after their meal.
In January, Disney’s Hollywood Studios will cut performances from five night a week to only two. We asked supposed DHS representative Francis “Fran” Tasia for an explanation of the cutback and she said, “There are a number of important safety, performance, and cost vectors at work here. First and most importantly is that Mr. Mickey Mouse is growing fatigued after so many years of performance. It is quite difficult, as you might imagine, to spend so many hours with your face frozen into the same happy smile day in and day out, and the ’shooting delightful magical sparks from his hands’ meme has left him with what can only be described as something akin to the early stages of shell shock. An additional factor is the desire to close DHS — that’s Disney’s Hollywood Studios, not Disney Homekingdom Security, which is an entirely disjoint matter, bless their hearts — early on multiple evenings. This left many possibilities, and it was judged that it was not practicable to continue performing Fantasmic! on evenings after the park had closed early and there were no guests to view it. Additionally, having Fantasmic! dark five nights a week was a potential cost/energy savings but it was decided that safety concerns precluded performances without lights on. Not performing but leaving lights on was the only remaining viable option that was legal in the state of Florida.”
As an adjunct to yesterday’s list of the best things at Disneyland (and to maintain editorial balance), we now list the 10 Best Things at Disney’s California Adventure (also mercilessly stolen from the Web site we mentioned yesterday and then rewritten beyond recognizability).
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