Actual True Post: Disheard

November 12th, 2014

DisneyLies.com has a new sister website — Disheard, your source for other people’s conversations and correspondence about all things Disney!

Disheard collects conversations overheard at Disney parks, as well as conversations related to anything Disney (movies, books, toys, etc.), no matter where they took place. It also collects actual postcards from people who visited the parks or had something to say about them.

If you have heard an entertaining conversation on Disney property or about something Disney related, now’s your chance to share it with the world! Use the Disheard submission form to send it in, and you may see it published online for the entertainment of Disney fans everywhere! (Real conversations only, please. It’s okay if you don’t remember the exact words, but no fair embellishing or making things up.)

Review: Main Street Windows

November 5th, 2014

We have been laid up in bed for the last few days, sick from too much Halloween candy and an overload of adorable children in Disney costumes (although the little boy dressed as Buzz Lightyear with an Alien chest burster bothered us quite a bit, largely for reasons of intellectual property rights). The only thing that has kept us going is a fabulous new book — Main Street Windows
by Jeff “Not George; The Other One” Heimbuch.

So far as you know, Main Street Windows (MSR) is a survey of every ground-level window that has ever existed at any point in time in any Disney theme park in any part of the world (including France). As Heimbuch may have told us in an exclusive interview held entirely telepathically:

This book was a great deal of effort. Not only did I have to visit Disney parks a great many times to photograph all the windows, but I also had to make a great many difficult choices. For example, is a hole cut in a wall that doesn’t have glass in it a window? And what about windows that are within attractions, or paintings of windows? Or pieces of glass that are there solely to protect dinosaurs? Should vehicle glass be included? I ultimately had to meet with philosophy professors from seven different universities to find definitive answers to these questions.

My original intention was to document every window in the parks, but I quickly realized that I’m not tall enough to photograph many of them. If this book is as successful as by all rights it should be, I will be taking a small portion of the massive profits and purchasing a pair of stilts so I can get right to work on Main Street Windows II: The Second Story (working title), to be followed by even larger stilts and Main Street Windows III: A Pane in the Glass.

Due to burdensome copyright laws, we can’t reproduce MSR in its entirety here so that you can read it at no charge and force Heimbuch to die an early death, starving and bitter that he made no money from his efforts (which, we vehemently insist, would be bad). Instead, we offer the following photograph which isn’t from the book but will give you an idea of what the book would be like if we have described it with all due accuracy:

2014-1105-Emporium-window

In this photo, you see one of Disneyland’s Emporium windows with its display of straight jackets, Houdini memorabilia, and other period-appropriate items. Each photo like this in the book is accompanied by copious salient facts, such as:

  • Who was the glazier?
  • What kind of glass is used and what is its refraction index?
  • How does the window’s design fit in with the area’s theming?
  • What is the complete and detailed history of every display that has appeared behind the window (if any)?
  • How often is the glass cleaned?
  • Has the glass ever had to be replaced (and, if so, why and are photographs of replacement cost receipts available for inclusion in Appendix L)?
  • Has anyone ever tried to shoot a hole in the window?
  • If the window could talk, what would it say?
  • Et cetera?

We at DisneyLies recommend that you purchase copious quantities of this valuable tome (only $25 for more than 17,000 pages of information in 32 volumes, plus pictures — what a deal!) It makes an excellent holiday gift that educates more than a Shrek DVD and tastes better than fruitcake.

Best cast member costume

October 31st, 2014

We saved our favorite for last. This year at Mickey’s Halloween Party, we saw many Disney characters in costume, but this was by far our favorite — Donald Duck dressed up as Daisy Duck!

Donald as Daisy

Best guest costume

October 30th, 2014

At Mickey’s Halloween Party, we spotted what we think was the best guest costume of the night:

Best Halloween Costume

If we are correct, it’s the bride from Mike Myers’ film So I Married an Axe Murderer.

Loki at Disneyland?

October 29th, 2014

Even the Avengers are getting in on the fun this Halloween! We visited Innoventions during Mickey’s Halloween Party and what did we find? Thor dressed as his brother Loki! (Albeit minimally with just a cardboard helmet — but for Halloween it’s the thought that counts!)

Thor as Loki

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October 28th, 2014

It’s nice to see that Disney made a few subtle changes to some of their attractions for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

Breast Cancer Awareness Month mermaid

Three things we learned this year at Mickey’s Halloween Party

October 27th, 2014

As has become a tradition, the entire DisneyLies crew visited Mickey’s Halloween Party this year for some much-needed after-hours candy wrangling. We took copious notes this year, and there are three things we learned that we thought were worth passing along to our loyal readers:

  1. The lines for the treat trails are enormous, so make sure to get FASTPASSes for them.
  2. Some cast members consider a “Crazed Nintety-Nine-Percenter Carrying the Severed Head of Scrooge McDuck” costume “inappropriate.”
  3. Candy is dandy, but liquor is not sold on Disneyland property.

Giant hat to be removed from Disney Hollywood Studios

October 24th, 2014

According to second-hand information that we happened across on some random web site, Disney will officially be removing the gigantic Sorcerer Mickey Hat from Disney’s Hollywood Studios. Presumably, they will also be removing the gigantic Sorcerer Mickey figure that has been buried beneath the hat for more than a decade with only one hand showing (the other hand is not part of the buried figure; it previously adorned Epcot’s Spaceship Earth and is being warehoused off site in anticipation of a reunion with the bulk of Giant Sorcerer Mickey’s body).

It has not been decided what will be built in the hat’s place to disrupt the gorgeous view of the Great Movie Ride. “We were thinking maybe just a big billboard at first,” said a person we talked to who sounded like he knew what he was talking about. “After that, maybe a gigantic Darth Vader head. It hasn’t been decided.”

Universal in Beijing

October 15th, 2014

This week, Universal Studios announced that they will be opening a theme park in Beijing (Chinese for “Benji”), China. Here is everything you need to know about the announcement:

  • Disney owns Marvel and Universal Studios has the license to build Marvel-related theme park attractions, but not in China.
  • Disney doesn’t own Universal Studios.
  • Disney currently has no plans to purchase Universal Studios.
  • Disney will have a theme park in Shanghai, China in 2015.
  • Disney already has a theme  park in Hong Kong, which — according to China — is in China.
  • Therefore, logically, there is no need to mention this announcement ever, ever again.

 

Your Disneyland Bucket List

October 10th, 2014

It’s a sad but true fact that there are some people who will only have the opportunity to visit Disneyland once in their lives. For these poor, blighted individuals, it can be very difficult to decide what to do and what to see since time may be limited and it would be very disappointing to learn that you had missed something when you will have no opportunity to return.

To assist these individuals, we have put together a suggested “bucket list” of attractions, sights, and entertainment at Disneyland that should not be missed under any conditions. If you are taking a once-and-only trip to the park, bring this list with you as a handy way to make sure you haven’t missed anything important. (And remember, this isn’t an exhaustive list, just a “best of the best.” If your favorite isn’t listed, let us know!)

Not To Be Missed Items at Disneyland

  • 20th Century Music Company
  • Adventureland Bazaar
  • Adventureland Entrance Restrooms
  • Aladdin’s Oasis Restrooms
  • Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
  • Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland Restrooms
  • Astro Orbiter
  • Atmosphere Characters (various)
  • Autopia
  • Autopia FASTPASS machines
  • Autopia Restrooms
  • Baby Care Center
  • Bengal Barbecue
  • Benches (various)
  • Bibbidi Bobbidi Botique
  • Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
  • Big Thunder Mountain Railroad FASTPASS machines
  • Big Thunder Ranch
  • Big Thunder Ranch Barbecue
  • Big Thunder Ranch Barbecue Restrooms
  • Blue Bayou Restaurant
  • Blue Bayou Restaurant Restrooms
  • Bonanza Outfitters
  • The Briar Patch
  • Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters
  • Cafe Orleans
  • Candy Kitchen
  • Candy Palace
  • Captain America: The Living Legend and Symbol of Courage
  • Captain EO Tribute (or whatever is currently displacing it)
  • Captain’s Treasure at Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island
  • Carnation Café
  • Carnation Café Restrooms
  • Casey Jr. Circus Train
  • The Castle Heraldry Shop
  • Castmembers asking you for your email address
  • Cemetery at Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island
  • China Closet
  • Chip ‘n Dale’s Treehouse
  • Churro cart
  • City Hall
  • City Hall Restrooms
  • Clarabelle’s Frozen Yogurt
  • Club 33
  • Club 33 Restrooms
  • Cristal d’Orleans
  • Crystal Palace
  • Cultivating the Magic Tour
  • Daisy’s Diner
  • The Dapper Dans
  • Davy Crockett’s Explorer Canoes
  • Dead Man’s Grotto at Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island
  • Disney California Adventure
  • Discover the Magic Tour
  • Disney Clothiers, Ltd.
  • The Disney Gallery
  • The Disney Gallery Restrooms
  • Disney Showcase
  • Disneyana
  • Disneyland Monorail
  • Disneyland Railroad – Main Street, U.S.A.
  • Disneyland Railroad – Mickey’s Toontown
  • Disneyland Railroad – New Orleans Square
  • Disneyland Railroad – Tomorrowland
  • The Disneyland Story presenting Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln
  • Disney’s Happiest Haunts Tour
  • Donald’s Boat
  • Downtown Disney
  • Dream Suite
  • Ducks
  • Dumbo the Flying Elephant
  • Edelweiss Snacks
  • Emporium
  • Esmeralda
  • Evil Queen window
  • Fairy Tale Treasures
  • Fantasmic!
  • Fantasy Faire
  • Fantasyland Theatre Restrooms
  • Feral cats
  • Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage
  • Fireworks
  • First Aid
  • Flag Retreat Ceremony
  • Floral Mickey
  • Former Mine Train Through Nature’s Wonderland tunnel
  • Fort Wilderness
  • Fort Wilderness Restrooms
  • Fowler’s Harbor
  • Fortune Red
  • French Market Restaurant
  • Frontierland “Cigar Store Indian”
  • Frontierland Shootin’ Exposition
  • Frozen treat cart
  • Gadget’s Go Coaster
  • Gag Factory
  • Gibson Girl Ice Cream Parlor
  • Goat trick
  • Goofy’s Gas Station Restrooms
  • Goofy’s Playhouse
  • Golden Horseshoe
  • Grand Canyon Diorama
  • Guided Tour Pavilion Restrooms
  • Harbour Galley
  • Haunted Mansion
  • Hidden Mickeys (various)
  • The Hub
  • Hungry Bear Restaurant
  • Hungry Bear Restaurant Restrooms
  • Indiana Jones Adventure Outpost
  • Indiana Jones Adventure: Temple of the Forbidden Eye
  • Indiana Jones Adventure: Temple of the Forbidden Eye FASTPASS machines
  • Indiana Jones Adventure: Temple of the Forbidden Eye queue
  • Innoventions
  • “it’s a small world”
  • “it’s a small world” Toy Shop
  • Jambalaya Jazz
  • Jedi Training Academy
  • Jolly Holiday Bakery Café
  • Jungle Cruise
  • King Arthur Carrousel
  • La Mascarade D’Orleans
  • Lafitte’s Anchor
  • Landscaping (various)
  • Le Bat en Rouge
  • Le Petit Chalet
  • Lily Belle Train Car
  • Little Green Men Store Command
  • The Mad Hatter
  • Mad Tea Party
  • Main Gate Restrooms
  • Main Street Cannons
  • Main Street “Cigar Store Indian”
  • Main Street Cinema
  • Main Street Fire Station
  • Main Street Lockers
  • Main Street Magic Shop
  • Main Street mezuzah
  • Main Street Piano Player
  • Main Street Pin Shop
  • Main Street Vehicles — Fire Engine
  • Main Street Vehicles — Horse-Drawn Streetcar
  • Main Street Vehicles — Jitney
  • Main Street Vehicles — Omnibus
  • The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
  • Mark Twain Riverboat
  • Market House
  • Matterhorn Bobsleds
  • Matterhorn Mountain basketball court
  • Maurice’s Treats Snack Cart
  • Meet Anna and Elsa from Frozen
  • Meet Tinker Bell & a Fairy Friend at Pixie Hollow
  • Merchant of Venus
  • Mickey and the Magical Map
  • Mickey’s House and Meet Mickey
  • Mickey’s Soundsational Parade
  • Mickey’s Star Trader
  • Minnie’s House
  • Mint Julep Bar
  • Mlle. Antoinette’s Parfumerie
  • Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride
  • New Century Jewelry
  • New Orleans Square Restrooms
  • New Orleans Square Station Telegraph
  • Newsstand
  • Observatron
  • Parking
  • Parking lot tram
  • Penny Arcade
  • People watching
  • Peter Pan’s Flight
  • Petrified Tree
  • Photopass photographers (various)
  • Pieces of Eight
  • Pin trading opportunities (various)
  • Pinocchio’s Daring Journey
  • Pioneer Mercantile
  • Pirate’s Den at Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island
  • Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island
  • Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island Mill Dock Restrooms
  • Pirate’s League
  • Pirates of the Caribbean
  • Plaza Inn
  • Pluto’s Dog House
  • Pontoon Bridge at Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island
  • Pooh Corner
  • Popcorn cart
  • Port Royal
  • Pressed Penny Machines (various)
  • Primeval World Diorama
  • Professor Barnaby Owl’s Photographic Art Studio
  • Rafts to Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island
  • Rancho del Zocalo Restaurante
  • Rancho del Zocalo Restaurante Restrooms
  • Real human skull in Pirates of the Caribbean
  • Recorded conversations (Main Street)
  • Recorded conversation (New Orleans Square)
  • Redd Rockett’s Pizza Port
  • Refreshment Corner
  • River Belle Terrace
  • Rivers of America
  • Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin
  • Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin FASTPASS machines
  • Royal Street Bachelors
  • Royal Street Sweets
  • Royal Street Veranda
  • Sailing Ship Columbia
  • Secret Cave at Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island
  • Shipwreck at Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island
  • Silver Spur
  • Skyway to Tomorrowland building (abandonded)
  • Sleeping Beauty Castle
  • Sleeping Beauty Castle Exact Center of Disneyland Before Toontown Was Built Mark
  • Sleeping Beauty Castle Walkthrough
  • Smuggler’s Cove at Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island
  • Snow White Grotto
  • Snow White’s Scary Adventures
  • South Seas Traders
  • Space Mountain
  • Space Mountain FASTPASS machines
  • Space Mountain Restrooms
  • Splash Mountain
  • Splash Mountain FASTPASS machines
  • Stage Door Café
  • Star Tours — The Adventures Continue
  • Star Tours — The Adventures Continue FASTPASS machines
  • Starcade
  • Storybook Land Canal Boats
  • The Straw Hatters
  • Stroller Rentals
  • Suspension Bridge at Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island
  • Sword in the Stone
  • Tarzan’s Treehouse
  • The Golden Horseshoe
  • Thor: Treasures of Asgard
  • Tiki Juice Bar
  • Tomorrowland Entrance Restrooms
  • Tomorrowland Terrace
  • Tomorrowlanding
  • Toontown Five and Dime
  • Trash cans in Main Street, U.S.A.
  • Trash cans in Adventureland
  • Trash cans in Adventureland (Indiana Jones queue)
  • Trash cans in New Orleans Sqaure (near Pirates of the Caribbean)
  • Trash cans in New Orleans Square (near the Haunted Mansion)
  • Trash cans in Frontierland
  • Trash cans in Frontierland (Fowlers Harbor)
  • Trash cans in Frontierland (Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island)
  • Trash cans in Frontierland (dock area)
  • Trash cans in Frontierland (on the Mark Twain
  • Trash cans in Fantasyland
  • Trash cans in Fantasyland (“it’s a small world” area)
  • Trash cans in Toontown
  • Trash cans in Tomorrowland
  • Tropical Imports
  • Troubadour Tavern
  • Turkey leg cart
  • Village Haus Restaurant
  • Village Haus Restaurant Restrooms
  • W. Turner Blacksmith Shop at Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island
  • “Walk in Walt’s Footsteps” Tour
  • Walt Disney’s Apartment
  • Walt Disney’s Apartment’s Restroom
  • Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room
  • Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room Restrooms
  • Wandering Balloon Sales
  • Watching over-stimulated children melt down (various)
  • Water fountains (various)
  • Welcome to Disneyland Tour
  • Westward Ho Trading Company

That’s it — enjoy your trip!