Archive for the ‘WDW’ Category

Old Moves

Thursday, March 27th, 2008

Complaints continue to come in regarding the quality of performance of Walt Disney World costumed characters. It seems that many of their jokes are ancient to the point of being essentially humorless. The Official Disney Lies Photographer happened to catch Chip performing an outdated Lord of the Dance routine, much to the confusion of all concerned.

Chip’s Lord of the Dance

If you happen to see a Disney character giving an out-of-date performance, please snap a photo and send it in!

Sweater Day

Thursday, March 20th, 2008

In honor of what would have been the 80th birthday of Fred “Mr.” Rogers, cast members at all U.S. Disney parks and facilities will be wearing sweaters. Cast members will also be required to sing a happy little song in the morning when they get their sweaters out of their lockers.

Guests are invited to join in the fun by wearing sweaters and sneakers, avoiding the use of big words, and not discussing their violent past as a Navy Seal.

Another Restaurant Idea Shot Down

Wednesday, March 12th, 2008

Fans of Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom may be disappointed to hear that the plan to replace Tony’s Town Square restaurant with Ratatouille’s Rodent-Infested Rotisserie have been canceled. Apparently, both focus groups and the department of health were put off by the concept of a French rotisserie.

Remember to Forget Daylight Saving Time!

Sunday, March 9th, 2008

Remember that, although today marks the start of daylight saving time, you don’t need to worry about it if you are visiting Walt Disney World. WDW is its own county and does not recognize daylight saving time (because it’s “decidedly unmagical”). So if you set your watch ahead, remember that all parks and attractions will be open an hour earlier than posted times, but if you don’t reset your watch, remember that the rest of the state closes an hour earlier than posted times. (Or the other way around — we have trouble keeping it straight.)

And if you’re one of those people who has to call WDW dining as soon as they open this morning to make princess dining reservations, just call a couple of hours early and keep speed-dialing the number. That way, no matter how the whole daylight saving time thing works for you, you’re bound to be calling at the right time at some point.

Revised Hall of Presidents

Friday, March 7th, 2008

According to an article on the Mike Molehill Web site, WDW’s Hall of Presidents is in for a few changes. First, the animatronic figure of the current President will no longer speak. Apparently, management is afraid that Hillary Clinton might win the Presidency, and they are afraid that a robotic Clinton might be too much for younger visitors to take.

More importantly, the show is going to be shortened and updated to make it more “hip” while retaining its educational nature. The Hall of Presidents: Under New Government will show what happens when Presidents of America’s past are confronted by Disney cartoon royalty such as King Louie and Prince John. It’ll be a singing, dancing, comparison of monarchy and democracy! (And be sure to stay until the crowd leaves so you can hear Zachary Taylor, just as the curtain closes, complain that the Tiki Room is “for the birds”!)

Disney’s Night Kingdom

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008

Rumors abound about Walt Disney World’s fifth park, Disney’s Night Kingdom. At this point, we don’t have a whole lot of information. All that we know for sure is that it will only be open after dark, it won’t have any lights, and it will share the same space as WDW’s Magic Kingdom.

According to one fan on a highly respected Disney fan message board, “It’s just going to be the Magic Kingdom with all the lights out, except that the lights will be on inside Space Mountain. Expect lots of cool surprises, like accidentally getting run into by other guests and not knowing when it’s okay to board the teacups because you can’t see them.”

More details will be made available as soon as they are made available — we promise!

Fastpass Fakes

Tuesday, March 4th, 2008

Apparently, Disneyland and Walt Disney World are having quite a bit of trouble with counterfeit FASTPASSes. A number of new procedures are now in effect to stem the use of these harmful fakes (such as testing individual FASTPASSes with ultraviolet light to make sure that they are authentic and violently ejecting counterfeiters from the park onto a nearby highway), but just to be safe you should know how to tell a real FASTPASS from a fake one.For example, your FASTPASS may be a fake if:

  • You bought it from a sleazy looking guy in a trench coat instead of obtaining it from a FASTPASS machine.
  • The bar code spells “gotcha” in binary
  • The attraction it’s for closed in the ’90s
  • It’s printed on recycled Go Network promotional material
  • The type looks hand drawn
  • It says Knotts Berry Farm at the top

Montana Makeover Mania

Monday, March 3rd, 2008

Beginning February 24, Hannah Montana-inspired makeovers became available at WDW’s Downtown Disney Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. Reservations for the makeovers quickly sold out, with many parents complaining that scalpers snapped them up before real customers ever had a chance to purchase them.

One mother was almost hysterical that she had to pay $200 for daughter’s “The Full Montana” makeover, complaining that scalpers had driven the price so high that she could barely afford it, until she realized that $200 was, in fact, the makeover’s normal list price.

Prius Lawsuit Dismissed

Thursday, February 28th, 2008

Last week, a judge dismissed a lawsuit against the Walt Disney Company regarding the use of Toyota Prius hybrid vehicles at Walt Disney World. Said Disney law aficionado Eubanks Q. Ambchaser, “The suit claimed that Disney discriminates against those with environmental sensibilities by requiring them to leave their fuel-efficient hybrid vehicles behind when they enter Walt Disney World theme parks. The plaintiffs asserted that these vehicles were far more efficient than many of the vehicles in use within the parks — such as steam engines, horses, and churro carts — and therefore could not be reasonably excluded. Disney countered that most walkways and attraction queues were not Prius compatible. District court judge Bob C. Payola laughed so hard at the charges that he had to change his robe, but dismissed the case before doing so.”

New Indy!

Monday, February 25th, 2008

In anticipation of the new Indiana Jones film, Disney Hollywood Studios will be updating its Indiana Jones stunt show. “We have to keep up with the times,” said supposed stunt coordinator Roof Fallsalat. “Indy’s a little longer in the tooth, and that means he’s more experienced, but it also means that he has new problems to deal with.” Rumor has it that the new script pits Indy against a number of new challenges, including a failing memory, a rising belt line, lack of appeal to young women, an increased danger of breaking a hip, impotence, and forced retirement.