Disney Lies

Those WDW guests who have suffered through having to set their alarm and get on the phone promptly at 7 a.m., 180 days before their vacation to try and snag a hard-to-come-by Tomorrowland Terrace Noodle Station reservation will be pleased to know that Disney is moving away from the call-in-only system. Beginning in October, guests will be able to log onto the Disney World Web site promptly at 7 a.m., 180 days before their vacation and make dining priority seating requests from the comfort of their own computer without having to deal with a friendly, helpful Disney cast member.

Not only will guests be able to decide what restaurant they will want to eat at in six months, they will also be encouraged to pre-order specific meals, schedule drink refills, and fill out surveys indicating how pleased they expect to be with service and how much of a tip they will leave. Guests who expect that they will encounter difficulty with a server may arrange to meet with a lead cast member at a specified time after their meal.

As usual, there are many WDW-related rumors flying about the Internet. Here’s a roundup of some of the most interesting (sic.):

• Are rising gas prices making WDW cut back on its fleet of busses? Recent guests have complained that busses are more scarce that usual, and that there is a marked increase in the use of “bicycles built for 64″.
• Epcot is rumored to have a new attraction ready to premier in 2010, but there is no agreement on what that attraction might be. It might be as large as a replacement for the Wonders of Life pavilion (most likely a Wonders of Capitalism area) or as small as a new flavor of soda in Club Cool.
• Does the upcoming Country Bears rehab herald there return of the Country Bears Christmas Hoedown? Disney isn’t saying, but did hint that the rehabed show might “have a segment with a song about a shopping maul”.
• In a unanimous show of unity, all of Disney management came together to distance itself from the horrible pun at the end of the previous item in this list.
• Because of Disney’s overwhelming need for expansion, the Pocahontas show at Animal Kingdom will reportedly be closed and its cast moved to a reservation of some kind.

There was a major goofup last night involving the closing of Disney’s Virtual Magic Kingdom online guest simulation. Apparently, the memo saying that the online park would be going offline permanently last night at 10 p.m. was worded in a less than rigorous manner, causing some cast members to believe that it was Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom that was to be closed permanently.

Signs were placed outside the Magic Kingdom after closing explaining that the park was being shuttered, and ever-efficient Disney maintenance crews spent the night dismantling the park and preparing it for storage. By the time the mistake was discovered (at around 6:30 a.m. this morning), Adventureland, Liberty Square, and about half of Frontierland had been boxed, labeled, and prepared for shipping. Tom Sawyer Island had already been returned to its natural swampy condition, and the Country Bears were running wild in the absence of county animal-control officers.

“We were pretty embarrassed about the whole situation,” said Magic Kingdom spokesperson Beaufort “Clueless” Hamhead. “We think we can get the whole thing back together in a couple of weeks, and we’re already sending nice notes of apology to all the people we sacked, especially the ones we inadvertently put in crates instead of sending home.”

At Walt Disney World, stroller prices just took a gigantic upswing — A single-child stroller is now $15 a day (up from $1.50) and two-child strollers are $31 a day (up from $2, or $1.75 if you have a coupon or it’s your birthday).

Although the price increase is understandable (stroller rental rates are, after all, traditionally inversely proportional to housing costs), they still have many parents up in arms — or babe in arms, as the case may be if they can’t afford to rent a stroller.

On more than one occasion in recent days parents have been heard to tell their tikes, “I’ll give you $10 if you’ll just walk today.” It’s bribery, sure, but it makes financial sense.

Complaints continue to come in regarding the quality of performance of Walt Disney World costumed characters. It seems that many of their jokes are ancient to the point of being essentially humorless. The Official Disney Lies Photographer happened to catch Chip performing an outdated Lord of the Dance routine, much to the confusion of all concerned.

If you happen to see a Disney character giving an out-of-date performance, please snap a photo and send it in!

In honor of what would have been the 80th birthday of Fred “Mr.” Rogers, cast members at all U.S. Disney parks and facilities will be wearing sweaters. Cast members will also be required to sing a happy little song in the morning when they get their sweaters out of their lockers.

Guests are invited to join in the fun by wearing sweaters and sneakers, avoiding the use of big words, and not discussing their violent past as a Navy Seal.

Fans of Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom may be disappointed to hear that the plan to replace Tony’s Town Square restaurant with Ratatouille’s Rodent-Infested Rotisserie have been canceled. Apparently, both focus groups and the department of health were put off by the concept of a French rotisserie.

Remember that, although today marks the start of daylight saving time, you don’t need to worry about it if you are visiting Walt Disney World. WDW is its own county and does not recognize daylight saving time (because it’s “decidedly unmagical”). So if you set your watch ahead, remember that all parks and attractions will be open an hour earlier than posted times, but if you don’t reset your watch, remember that the rest of the state closes an hour earlier than posted times. (Or the other way around — we have trouble keeping it straight.)

And if you’re one of those people who has to call WDW dining as soon as they open this morning to make princess dining reservations, just call a couple of hours early and keep speed-dialing the number. That way, no matter how the whole daylight saving time thing works for you, you’re bound to be calling at the right time at some point.

According to an article on the Mike Molehill Web site, WDW’s Hall of Presidents is in for a few changes. First, the animatronic figure of the current President will no longer speak. Apparently, management is afraid that Hillary Clinton might win the Presidency, and they are afraid that a robotic Clinton might be too much for younger visitors to take.

More importantly, the show is going to be shortened and updated to make it more “hip” while retaining its educational nature. The Hall of Presidents: Under New Government will show what happens when Presidents of America’s past are confronted by Disney cartoon royalty such as King Louie and Prince John. It’ll be a singing, dancing, comparison of monarchy and democracy! (And be sure to stay until the crowd leaves so you can hear Zachary Taylor, just as the curtain closes, complain that the Tiki Room is “for the birds”!)

Rumors abound about Walt Disney World’s fifth park, Disney’s Night Kingdom. At this point, we don’t have a whole lot of information. All that we know for sure is that it will only be open after dark, it won’t have any lights, and it will share the same space as WDW’s Magic Kingdom.

According to one fan on a highly respected Disney fan message board, “It’s just going to be the Magic Kingdom with all the lights out, except that the lights will be on inside Space Mountain. Expect lots of cool surprises, like accidentally getting run into by other guests and not knowing when it’s okay to board the teacups because you can’t see them.”

More details will be made available as soon as they are made available — we promise!