Archive for the ‘Top 10’ Category

What will the Marvel acquisition change?

Monday, August 31st, 2009

There has been much speculation about how the acquisition of Marvel will impact Disney’s existing properties. “Disney fans won’t see any huge changes right away,” said Otto Octavius, who thinks he’s manager of Disney’s corporate branding integration department. “There might be comic books for sale in hotel lobbies, maybe a couple new characters subtly introduced into ‘it’s a small world’ in direct response to guest demands — that kind of thing.”

Based on these statements and various self-substantiated Internet rumors, we present our list of 10 things that will change once the Marvel acquisition is complete:

  1. More Disney features involving accidental gamma-ray exposure.
  2. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, et al officially welcome Power Princess into their group; Wasp posthumously honored by Tinker Bell.
  3. Zac Efron’s secret identity revealed!
  4. Incredible Hulk required to wear a shirt and shoes.
  5. G-Force and X-Men merge, and their leadership is assumed by Walt Disney himself (who it turns out did not die but rather, through a freak Imagineering accident, was transported to a permanent position in space-time and has been phasing in and out of the space-time continuum, appearing at random to inspire creative events throughout history until brought to the present by they psychic wave of relief released when Disneyland fans learned the California Adventure was finally going to be fixed).
  6. Secret tunnels beneath Disneyland to be managed by Mole Man.
  7. New TV series: House of Mouse Ultimate, featuring reworked, more modern, cutting-edge reimagingings of Mickey and his friends in a real-world setting.
  8. All new Disney live-action films will have a humorous Stan Lee cameo.
  9. New comic book series: Disney Zombies.
  10. Massive increase in rent in properties on a certain “island of adventure”.

10 Best at Disney’s California Adventure

Friday, July 18th, 2008

As an adjunct to yesterday’s list of the best things at Disneyland (and to maintain editorial balance), we now list the 10 Best Things at Disney’s California Adventure (also mercilessly stolen from the Web site we mentioned yesterday and then rewritten beyond recognizability).

  1. Being the first to run to “a bug’s land” and see if Francis’ Ladybug Boogie is actually working.
  2. Riding The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror with an open bucket of popcorn.
  3. Running wind sprints through the Redwood Creek Challenge Trail and then visiting Brother Bear’s cave and telling everyone that your totem animal is “a sweat hog.”
  4. Activating Toy Story Midway Mania’s devistating “atomic bomb” secret target for a million points.
  5. Eating a gigantic lunch and then endlessly riding one of the moving cars on the Sun Wheel.
  6. Sitting in Playhouse Disney — Live on Stage! and pretending that you have the mind of a four-year-old.
  7. Visiting the Mission Tortilla Factory and asking why the tortillas have to be so flat and lifeless when the bread across the street at the Boudin Bakery is so nice and fluffy.
  8. Seasons of the Vine — possibly the most entertaining and instructional interactive edutainment on any Disney property; a true classic that will surely stand the test of time and be heralded as a delight to young and old alike (now closed).
  9. Using the computer in Disney Animation’s Sorcerer’s Workshop to see what Disney character is most like Hitler.
  10. $1.2 billion in upcoming improvements.

10 Best at Disneyland

Thursday, July 17th, 2008 recently posted a list of what it considers to be the 10 best attractions at Disneyland. In the interest of saving you from all the extra clicking that would be involved in you checking out the list on their Web site, we are reproducing it here (with occasional editorial adjustments for space or to completely change the meaning).

So, without further ado, we present the 10 Best Attractions at Disneyland!

  1. Singing along with “Welcome to the Jungle” on the Jungle Cruise.
  2. Standing near the entrance to Critter Country and watching the Splash Mountain flume to see if anyone lifts their shirt for the camera.
  3. Trying to catch people disposing of loved ones on the Haunted Mansion.
  4. Riding Pirates of the Caribbean and noting all the things that were better they way they used to be.
  5. Mercilessly heckling tourists who call the Matterhorn “Magic Mountain.”
  6. Buying chicken at the Stage Door Cafe, eating it in the Enchanted Tiki Room, and hoping the birds don’t notice.
  7. The free emotional counseling after you get stuck on “it’s a small world.”
  8. Wandering around Tomorrowland, speculating about what the Peoplemover track might be good for some day.
  9. Swimming out to Tom Sawyer Island and wondering what diseases you may have caught.
  10. Getting Mom to shell out for a churro and then whacking your little sister with it.

P.S. We’ll send a free copy of Liar’s Guide to Disneyland to the first reader who posts a comment listing all of the attractions that the experts at named incorrectly on their site. Just post your comment and drop us a line (through the contact form) with your address so we can send you your book!

10 Ways Visiting Disneyland is Better Than Sex

Monday, February 11th, 2008

By popular demand, we now bring you (in no particular order) ten ways in which visiting Disneyland is better than having sex:

  1. You can do it with your cousin without breaking the law.
  2. If you’re on a ride and something breaks, you won’t end up pregnant.
  3. You can do it on a first date without coming across as “easy.”
  4. You don’t have to worry about shaving your legs beforehand.
  5. No unexpected “souvenirs.”
  6. The person with the “Goofy” face is never you.
  7. Nobody looks at you funny if you have to ask where something is.
  8. You can brag about it the next day without offending anyone.
  9. You can eat ice cream at the same time.
  10. There’s always a happy ending.

10 Ways Visiting Disneyland is Like Having Sex

Wednesday, January 30th, 2008

Everyone knows that going to Disneyland is the most fun you can have with your clothes on. But how does it compare to fun without your clothes on? Pretty well, it turns out. Case in point: here (in no particular order) are ten ways that visiting Disneyland is like having sex.

  1. It’s best with someone you love, but is also fun when you’re part of a group.
  2. If it’s all you ever talk about, people will start to avoid you.
  3. It’s a form of entertainment focused on attractions.
  4. There are some things you just can’t do if you’re not big enough.
  5. It may involve a woman dressed as Alice in Wonderland.
  6. Unless you can convince someone to take you, it can be pretty expensive.
  7. If it’s your first time, you can buy a book about it or visit one of the hundreds of Web sites devoted to the subject.
  8. It’s pretty pathetic if you do it every day by yourself.
  9. The older you are, the more you appreciate it.
  10. When it’s over you’re exhausted, but you wake up the next morning with a big smile on your face.

10 Popular Mixed Drinks

Wednesday, December 19th, 2007

From our secret source (April Westenhoftwein) within Disneyland, here’s a list of the ten most popular mixed drinks requested in Club 33 (in no particular order):

  1. Slippery Princess
  2. Mermaid on the Beach
  3. Sexy Alice
  4. Pirate Cove Ice Tea (was Tom Sawyer Island Ice Tea)
  5. Bloody Mary Poppins
  6. (We Wants) The Redhead
  7. Vodka Martini (“Toontowned, not teacupped”)
  8. Donald Daiquiri
  9. M-I-C K-E-Y Mar-T-I-N-I
  10. Flubber Shots

Note: At one time, #10 would have been Song of the Southern Comfort, but it is no longer available.

Top Ten New Disneyland Resort Christmas Decorations

Thursday, December 6th, 2007

In the spirit of the season, here is a list of Disneyland Resort’s top ten newest Christmas decorations (in no particular order).

  1. Snow-covered toons
  2. Ice skating on the Rivers of America (with daily Zamboni parade)
  3. Extra bitter Scrooge McDuck
  4. Festive back-stage graffiti
  5. At Disney’s California Adventure, a slight dip in temperature
  6. Pocahontas’ festive leg warmers
  7. Frozen swans in castle moat
  8. Pinocchio’s Village Gingerbread Haus restaurant
  9. Seven Dwarfs replaced by Eight Reindeer
  10. Santa’s Workshop on Tom Sawyer Island

Film References in “Enchanted”

Tuesday, November 27th, 2007

Disney fans who have seen Enchanted may have noticed that the film is filled with sly references to previous Disney features. Here are ten of the most interesting (in no particular order):

  1. Giselle’s name is completely made from letters used in the names of other Disney princesses.
  2. The lips referenced in the song “True Love’s Kiss” are the same tulips seen in the animated short, “Flowers and Trees.”
  3. Morgan is the same height as Alice was in Walt Disney’s original Alice films (which were, in turn named for the title character in the film Alice in Wonderland).
  4. Prince Edward’s horse has the same name as the prince’s horse in Snow White (“Pestilence”).
  5. The scene in which Giselle invites rats to help her clean Robert’s apartment parallels a similar scene in Disney’s animated version of Willard.
  6. When Giselle cleans the floor amid floating soap bubbles, the floor is as clean as the floor in the Beauty and the Beast ballroom.
  7. During the singing of “That’s How You Know,” a child in the chorus has a “buzz” (as in Buzz Lightyear) haircut.
  8. When Queen Narissa turns into a dragon, she is simply a recolored version of Pete’s Dragon.
  9. The film’s narrator is Julie Andrews, one of the Andrews sisters, who once worked with Candice Bergen, daughter of Edgar Bergen, who appears briefly in Enchanted.
  10. When Giselle is sucked into our universe, the animation is similar to that used at the end of The Black Hole.

10 Thanksgiving Thanks

Thursday, November 22nd, 2007

In the spirit of the season, 10 things Disneyland fans can be thankful for this year (in no particular order):

1. Bigger crowds mean more chances to mingle.

2. The submarines returned (but this time it’s little Nemo who gets attacked by the giant squid).

3. “it’s a small world” is going to be made safe for the big world.

4. Wayward cast members are showing up on YouTube faster than ever.

5. They finally brought pirates back to Tom Sawyer Island.

6. That kid who was lost in the secret underground tunnel complex was found safe and sound, if a little thin and hungry.

7. Churro fights are now illegal in Anaheim.

8. They solved that whole problem with cast members wanting to be able to buy a house near where they work.

9. Disney’s California Adventure finally got the rest of the budget it was supposed to have back when it was under construction.

10. That thing on Donald’s beak turned out to just be a cold sore.