Disney Lies

After sneaking into Disneyland more than an hour before opening (it’s amazing what you can do when you’re disguised as a planter), our Official DisneyLies Photographer managed to snap a picture of an Imagineering test of the new Antimatterhorn.

This Matterhorn overlay — accomplished in minutes thanks to billions of carefully installed, computer-controlled black-light LEDs — is intended for use during this year’s Halloween festivities. Rumor has it that, when the Matterhorn is in “evil” mode, the mountain will not only look evil, but the cars will also be fitted with super-bumpy wheels and the Yeti will have a really, really bad haircut (sort of an “abominable mullet,” according to an Imagineer).

In celebration of the immensely profitable new Pixar film WALL*E, Disney is moving forward with its “Hiring the Body Electric” initiative, which will see robots used much more extensively throughout the theme parks.

In this photo, you can just make out a trio of electronic cast members performing regular maintenance in the Haunted Mansion’s garden.

In the future, expect to see robotic humanoids picking up trash, cooking food, repairing attractions, handling disruptions, enforcing line etiquette, punishing the rebellious, and generally keeping puny humans in their rightful place — the happiest place on earth!

Here’s a “hidden Mickey” that even many Disney fans overlook…

If you think you know where in the park it is, leave your answer in this entry’s “comments” section.

And while we’re at it, those who say that Disneyland doesn’t have a rodent problem can be quickly quieted by with this photo. The vermin seem pretty well settled in here!

Disney pin traders will be pleased with the latest addition to Disneyland Resort’s Downtown Disney — the Disney Pin Vault (captured just before opening by our Official DisneyLies Photo Correspondent).

This gigantic store has the largest collection of rare, vintage, hard-to-find, one-of-a-kind, signed, dangled, pin-on-pin, flocked, lenticular, light-up, animated, jumbo, micro, 3D, audio, holographic, precious-metal, scented, hallucinogenic, holy grail, POH, and self-aware collectible Disney pins on the planet. Says store manager Cloisinné Baubél, “Pin aficionados have been known to become excited to the point that they need medical attention when they see our collection. Our hand-selected pins cost from as little as $25 for a simple retired cast-member lanyard pin to as much as $12,000 for a pin encasing a relic such as a fragment of Walt Disney’s true desk. Many people ask if we trade pins and we answer that we do happily trade — for cold, hard cash.”

The store’s gigantic vault-like front door is in fact the real thing. It operates on a time lock, so guests must enter the store promptly when it opens at 10 a.m., and cannot leave until the door again opens at 5 p.m. Serious pin collectors only. No food, drinks, scrappers, or strollers.

As part of its “living character” initiative, Disney is exploring the possibility of replacing certain castmembers with animatronic figures. A few days ago, our Official DisneyLies Photo Correspondent managed to be on site during a test of the new Buzz Lightyear Guest Services Castbot.

The robot speaks and understands more than 50 languages and can direct guests to any facility on the property, pass out maps, listen attentively to even the most bizarre complaint with a sincerely concerned expression, and blast particularly troublesome guests into oblivion.

The point of Toy Story Midway Mania is to score as many points as possible. Targets are marked with point values — from 100 (simple targets and balloons) to 1,000 (moving targets and other guests) to 1,000,000 (the Eisner-reminiscent “Executive Salarybot” boss character). Some combinations of shots make special bonuses available. For example, shooting all of the balloons on a raincloud might release the “torrential downpour” bonus that provides big points even as it washes the rest of the targets away.

At the end of the game, players receive their official score as well as a “prize.” The prize is simply an icon depicting the player’s skill level. During one ride, we set a record with one player’s gun and let the other player’s gun sit unused so that the best and worst prizes would be awarded.

The Toy Story Midway Mania attraction itself was very entertaining — simultaneously playful, enchanting, and horribly violent. At one time or another you throw darts at mutant sheep, knock over barnyard animals, participate in military maneuvers, and try to hurriedly score points before a bundle of dynamite goes off, ending the game (presumably because everyone was killed). Ride vehicles are robotically controlled omnifacing military battle transports, armed with a quartet of manually operated ballistic cannons and seemingly endless ammunition, delightfully themed with characters from the Toy Story films.

Gameplay involves speeding from one target-rich environment to another, earning points every time you whack a chicken with its own egg, trap a harmless alien in an escape-proof ring of power, hit a bar to release the alcohol, or break some of your mother’s good china.

Although the attraction was worth riding a second time, there were a few areas in which Imagineering frankly could have done a much better job. For example, all of the characters depicted in the attraction seemed to be from Toy Story — I didn’t spot a single character from the other movie mentioned in the attraction’s name, Midway. That may have just been a marketing decision, so it might be overlooked.

Not so easy to overlook is the fact that the computer-generated content for this attraction is neither crisp not clear. In fact, the images are so bad that riders are supplied with corrective glasses so that they can have a satisfactory ride experience. Wouldn’t it have been better to spend a little extra money getting everything in focus and doing away with the glasses entirely?

The Toy Story Midway Mania queue was really quite enjoyable. The walkway was smooth and free of any significant potholes, as if it had been built only months ago. Interior areas sported fans mounted to the ceiling to move air about and keep everyone cool — a neat innovation that we hope Imagineers export to other locations, and perhaps even private homes.

At one point, as the queue is approaching the ride’s loading area, guests pass immediately behind the attraction’s control panel. Glancing at the panel, guests who have detailed knowledge of Disney’s ultra-secret covert corporate intellectual capital protectorate guidelines (volume 2, chapter 6, subsection 3, paragraph 2, second bullet, sentence beginning with the phrase, “Devastating breach of security or confidentiality”) will notice something interesting — this attraction’s self-destruct button does not have a double-action safeguard, meaning that only a single button push is required to wipe the computer core and set off charges in unique or proprietary equipment.

Why might this be? Apparently, the competitive heat between Disneyland and other entertainment destinations in Southern California has increased significantly in recent months. Disney has seen Legoland sign an exclusive contract with a company that makes robotic arms that can be used either as ride vehicles or valet parking attendants, Universal Studios Hollywood just opened its new Simpsons-Themed Disney Parodizer (and closed its short-lived but highly publicized Giant Flaming Kong attraction), and Knotts Berry Farm and Six Flags Magic Mountain are both still not bankrupt for one reason or another. This means that the potential for corporate espionage and spying is currently quite high, and explains why those of us attending the attraction preview were photographed, fingerprinted, and asked to verify that we were not associated with anyone on the “Mickey’s Enemies” list.

Yesterday, the DisneyLies.com staff was invited to a special pre-opening view of the new Toy Story Midway Mania attraction, open only to members of the press who were Disneyland Resort annual passholders who were chosen in an online drawing. We took advantage of the opportunity to ride the attraction repeatedly, making note of its subtleties and setting high scores that will be forever etched in the annals of history.

Security was high at the preview. Guests were given special tickets that allowed them to visit the attraction…

…and the tickets contained language that made it very clear that they were nontransferable…

Because we were members of the select elite, we received a number of additional perks, such as preferential seating (in only forward-facing cars) and a complimentary fruit basket for each score in excess of 100,000.

We found the Midway Mania queue to be nicely themed and largely linear, aside from a few turns designed to optimize space usage. Guests were generally either children or former children, and all who did not have a morbid fear of talking toys or implied shrinking seemed to have a great time.

Over the next few days, we will describe more of our visit to this excellent attraction. Please keep your Web browser tuned to this site so that you do not miss anything.

In honor of all the new Indiana Jones entertainment at Disneyland, we though it might be nice to show off a little something from the Indy queue that many guests might have missed.

While waiting for your turn to be thrown about by this attraction’s vehicles (which operate quite smoothly when they are in good repair, by the way), make sure to peek into every little nook and cranny in the queue. You may be rewarded with the sight of one of many 3D hidden Mickeys!

(Thanks to our Official DisneyLies Photo Correspondent for the picture!)