Disney Lies

Per tradition, President George “W.” Bush will pardon a pair of turkey this week, exempting them from execution for another year. (Readers outside the U.S. may not be aware that turkeys are killed and eaten only when they have been accused and convicted of crimes against humanity — that’s why only a Presidential pardon is necessary to spare one of the birds).

A couple of years ago, folks at Disneyland realized that it would be neat to invite the pardoned fowl to stay at the park, living out the balance of their lives in the same comfort extended to all cast members. The promotion was so successful that executives at Walt Disney World said that they would like the turkeys sent there in future years, but Disneyland put its foot down — the idea came from California, it would stay in California, and nobody was going to tell them otherwise, no matter how much bigger their resort was.

The turkeys will arrive in Walt Disney World later this week.

Fans of the small town of Hannah, Montana filed suit today, angry that membership in the Official Hannah, Montana, Fan Club has not helped them get bus tickets to the town of which they are so fond. Apparently, fans of chipmunk-cheeked singer/actress Miley Cyrus have been scooping up bus tickets as fast as they can be produced, and those that are not purchased by fans are being grabbed by scalpers who demand hundreds of times face value for the chance to take a greasy bus to a town few people even know exists. Nobody knows why this is happening.

“It’s one-a them thar Innernet fee-nomenas,” said whoever it was that answered the phone when we called. “Gol darned if I canna ‘splain it.”

The entire membership of the fan club (some 18 individuals, outnumbering the population of the town they love by some 25%) is part of this class-action suit. “We just want to be there for the canning festival,” said one. “Is that so much to ask?”