Disney Lies » Other Resorts

Fourth of July Failure

Liar — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 19:44:29 +0000

Main Street was decorated in red, white, and blue, flags flew from every lamppost, all the characters had special patriotic outfits, a parade was planned, and the orchestra was playing John Philip Sousa to beat the band (so to speak). But nobody came. The park was nearly empty. Less than a dozen people saw that evening’s quadruple-strength fireworks spectacular. It was a horrible, dismal failure.

“I guess Hong Kong just isn’t ready for the Fourth of July,” said Disney spokesperson Betty “Betsy” Ross. “Personally, it’s my favorite holiday, but they just don’t seem to get it here. It’s like they’re from some other planet.”

“it’s a small world” open — with complaints

Liar — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 17:13:06 +0000

Two days ago, the new “it’s a small world” attraction opened at Hong Kong Disneyland, amidst much publicity and, it turns out, controversy. The ride was meant to boost park attendance, but if initial complaints are any indication, guests may be staying away form the shiny new attraction in droves.

Said one guest supposedly chosen at random, “There are just too many children, those little singing dolls. They get in the way so that it is hard to see all the wonderful Disney character figures that are the heart of this attraction.”

Some guests thought that the attraction was not unique enough. “This is just a copy of the ride at Disneyland,” said one guest. “Even the clock is set to California time, which can be confusing.”

A visitor from mainland China writes, “I am completely loyal to the party! Please do not arrest me or shut down my blog! Long live China! Please!!!!”

Disney representatives were unavailable for comment, but kind of rolled their eyes when they caught us looking at them.

More Hong Kong, Please!

Liar — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 20:05:52 +0000

Disney is considering purchasing an additional stake in Hong Kong Disneyland. The company hasn’t officially stated its reason for doing this, but according to one insider, “It’s just a gesture to show Disney’s confidence that everything is going to turn out fine — like when you’re playing Russian roulette and add a couple more bullets to the cylinder because you’re sure you’re not going to lose.”

Hong Kong Disneyland Milestone!

Liar — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 17:33:15 +0000

As attendance figures for its second year of operation are finalized, Hong Kong Disneyland welcomed its 10,000th visitor yesterday, with great fanfare and ceremony. “It took us a little longer to reach this milestone than anticipated,” said Disney spokesperson Hector “Optimist” Prime, “but we are pleased to have reached this milestone only some 730 days later than originally anticipated.”

The Lak Hung family was selected as the lucky 10,000th visitors. They were presented with certificates at a ceremony attended by both of the park’s other guests. The family was also offered lifetime passes to Hong Kong Disneyland, which they declined.

No Disneyland Shanghai!

Liar — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 17:13:37 +0000

There has been much speculation about Disneyland Shanghai, but today Disney spokespuppet Luke Funni announced that there are no plans to build another Disneyland clone in China. “The market’s just not there,” said Funni. “This has been demonstrated by Hong Kong Disneyland’s inability to attract visitors despite hundreds of acres of attractive landscaping largely uninterrupted by rides and attractions.”

Instead, Disney is going forward with plans for Disney’s California Adventure Shanghai, an exciting project that will bring the golden state to the land of the rising sun. As Funni describes it, “China loves everything about California. They wear our clothes, they pirate our movies — it’s like a phenomenon.”

We’ll keep you posted as details of attractions and building schedules are made available. Be sure to subscribe to our RSS feed so you won’t miss out!

New Disney Ticket Special

Liar — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 16:05:14 +0000

As a bit of a holiday surprise, Disney announced today that it would be offering — for a limited time — special discounted prices on Disneyland 3-day “Gateway Park Hopper” tickets. The tickets are good for three days of fun with unlimited park hopping between Disneyland and Hong Kong Disneyland.

Enjoy!

France’s Tower of Terror

Liar — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 17:14:26 +0000

Walt Disney Studios Paris welcomed a new addition over the weekend — the thrilling Eiffel Tower of Terror. Guests visiting the new attraction are taken by elevator to the top of the imposing, skeletal structure where the ghost of a worker who died during its construction curses the conveyance and the elevator car plunges 986 feet to the ground!

A retail store is cleverly positioned at the attraction’s exit so that guests can purchase souvenirs of their ride. There is also a photo spot where guests can have themselves digitally inserted into famous photos of the original landmark.

Disneyland Shanghai

Liar — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 22:52:25 +0000

Hot on the success of Hong Kong Disneyland, rumors are strengthening about a new park, this time in Shanghai. Although at the moment there is nothing in concrete, a company insider tells us, “Disney is thinking of giving Shanghai Disneyland a strong pirate focus. The Pirates of the Caribbean films continue to be popular in Asia — they’re practically sold on every street corner — and let’s face it, nothing says ‘pirates’ like ‘Shanghai’!”

Disneyland Paris Update

Liar — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 23:40:45 +0000

New financial information is available regarding the troubled Disneyland Paris resort, and unfortunately reports are mixed. The good news is that attendance is up and there are high hopes that the resort will turn a steady profit in the near future (around the same time we get this whole “global warming” thing sorted out and fixed). The bad news is that, so far as analysts have been able to determine, the resort is still in France.