Archive for the ‘Magic Kingdom’ Category

Hall of Presidents update

Friday, January 20th, 2017

In the light of growing unrest among Imagineers over the prospect of having to construct a Donald Trump animatronic for the Hall of Presidents, an unpresidented (pun intended) decision has been made. According to a woman high up in Imagineering who appeared to us in a dream and will be referred to as Bob, “Due to various Imagineers’ discomfort with creating an animatronic figure of our new President, the Walt Disney Company has decided to completely revamp Walt Disney World’s Hall of Presidents. The Hall of Presidents will have its final operating day on January 20, 2017, and will reopen on January 21, 2017, as an entirely new attraction, the Hall of Former Presidents.”

This is seen as a win for both staff and management, as the change will require only new signage. “This is not necessarily a permanent retheming,” added Bob. “The issue of the attraction’s ongoing identity will be revisited after the inevitable impeachment.”

It’s official

Friday, January 20th, 2017

It’s official: Disney World Imagineers must steel themselves for the emotionally difficult task of creating an animatronic Donald Trump and installing it in the Hall of Presidents.

“We have asked if we can put the Trump animatronic in the back, maybe facing a wall,” said one Imagineer on condition of our making clear that this is a fake news site and everyone at Disney is actually really, really excited about the new administration. “If that doesn’t work out, we’d like to make his Presidential speech 140 characters or less. You know, to match his style.”

In related news, it appears that Disney will face a 35% penalty tax if all of Epcot’s international employees aren’t replaced with (quoting dubious government sources) “Real Americans.” Construction on the wall around the Mexico pavilion starts Monday.

Drunk and out at the Magic Kingdom

Thursday, September 13th, 2012

Today, Walt Disney World management announced that the Be Our Guest restaurant in the Magic Kingdom’s new Fantasyland would serve wine and beer at dinner. Although serving alcohol in the Magic Kingdom was explicitly against Walt Disney’s wishes, management thinks that this is the best decision from a customer-service perspective.

Said someone with a Hotmail e-mail account that looked official, “We know that this will not be a popular decision in the eyes of some Disney fans, but copious research conducted over the years has shown conclusively that the vast majority of vacationing adults accompanied by young children handle crowded Fantasyland attractions better when mildly drunk.”

There has been no confirmation of the rumor that the restaurant will also be selling chewing gum in the lobby.

Tiki Room, Under Old Management

Monday, August 22nd, 2011

Some months ago, a fire in the massive subterranean Walt Disney World computer complex destroyed the circa-1998 laptop computer that ran Magic Kingdom’s Tiki Room attraction. Because of the extent of the damage, quite a lot of the “Under New Management” overlay would have to be repaired or replaced, and executives — citing recent guest complaints — decided they could both save money and increase attendance by returning to the old “classic” Tiki Room show instead.

Although it was originally estimated that repairing the attraction would take a year or more, the new, retro-improved Tiki Room opened last week after less than a month of construction. “It was like a miracle,” said a person with shifty eyes whose badge had the word “lead” hastily written on it in pencil. “The Tiki Room reopened in record time and guests couldn’t be more thrilled. And it was all done so quickly because, uh, you know, because we’re awesome! That’s right — it’s because we’re awesome! That’s all there is to it!”

Ironically, across the country Disneyland’s Enchanted Tiki Room has been closed for almost a month and has no projected date for reopening. Said a tearful person in a Hawaiian shirt, “I just can’t explain it. It was all so sudden!  One day the Tiki Room is there and the next, gone! I distinctly remember it being here, right here, behind the pineapple juice stand. I know we didn’t bring it anywhere and I don’t see how we could have misplaced it. And the timing was horrible! The whole thing disappeared during the night right before we were going to show it to the nice folks who came all the way from Disney World to take notes so they could rebuild <em>their</em> Tiki Room. They were so disappointed they didn’t even wait for morning — they just left in their convoy of big-rig trucks and headed back to Florida without even saying goodbye.”

If Disneyland’s Tiki Room is not found in short order, it will have to be rebuilt. Park management says that this will be treated not as a problem, but as an opportunity, and hinted that the recreated Tiki Room show may be “plussed” with avian characters from some popular Disney films. What an awesome idea! We can’t wait to see how it turns out!

Carrousel renaming

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

It has just been announced that WDW’s Magic Kingdom’s Cinderella’s Golden Carrousel is, effective June 1, being renamed Prince Charming Regal Carrousel. There was no indication of the status of other property distributed as part of the divorce settlement.

Towel Day!

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

Happy Towel Day, everyone! As per park tradition, anyone who jumps into Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom’s or Disneyland’s Rivers of America and goes in over their head at any time during normal park daylight operating hours today will receive a free commemorative towel to wear as they are escorted from the park. (Those who jump in after dark may receive their towel posthumously.)


Main Street: Legacy

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

In honor of the upcoming Tron sequel Tron: Legacy, Walt Disney World will be celebrating by converting the Magic Kingdom’s Main Street, U.S.A., into Main Street, MCP! The transformation will take place just before the highly anticipated film is released this December, and will remain in place until 3-5 weeks after it has worn out its welcome.

According to virtual Disney cyberfan and FPS LAN party aficionado BuZZedLiteYear, the transformation will include the following:

  • A new paint job and neon lights for all Main Street vehicles (including horses).
  • A transformation of the Main Street Cinema from a turn-of-the-20th-century movie house that sells Disney art into a turn-of-the-22nd-century hyper-5D “sensua-immersion” theater that sells Disney art.
  • Occasional impromptu performances by a group of cast members who will hop off the “Tron Trolly” and sing “The Light Cycle Song.”
  • Hula-hoop playtime for children will be replaced with “flying disk battles” in which young guests can try to “de-rez” each other with special glowing Frisbees.
  • The Dapper Dans will be replaced by The Space Paranoids.
  • Because Tron: Legacy is a holiday release, Main Street, MCP’s holiday decorations will have a futuristic tone, with a gigantic procedurally rendered fractal tree as it centerpiece. There will also be visits from Tron Santa (as portrayed by Jay Maynard).

Stilt workers arrive

Sunday, May 10th, 2009

During our recent trip to Walt Disney World, we were lucky enough to make the acquaintance of “Bugsy” — a Magic Kingdom cast member who assured us that he was a lead with special privileges (but, unfortunately, had forgotten his ID and name badge that day). After hearing that we were researching material for our Web site, he let us into the Magic Kingdom via the pre-opening employee entrance (a fence near the rail yard that must be scaled when the guard dogs are between rounds).

We learned quite a bit about how the Magic Kingdom prepares before opening. We photographically captured one highlight —

Stilt workers arrive

— the daily “arrival of the stilt workers.” It was truly spectacular!

Real Magic Closure

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

There was a major goofup last night involving the closing of Disney’s Virtual Magic Kingdom online guest simulation. Apparently, the memo saying that the online park would be going offline permanently last night at 10 p.m. was worded in a less than rigorous manner, causing some cast members to believe that it was Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom that was to be closed permanently.

Signs were placed outside the Magic Kingdom after closing explaining that the park was being shuttered, and ever-efficient Disney maintenance crews spent the night dismantling the park and preparing it for storage. By the time the mistake was discovered (at around 6:30 a.m. this morning), Adventureland, Liberty Square, and about half of Frontierland had been boxed, labeled, and prepared for shipping. Tom Sawyer Island had already been returned to its natural swampy condition, and the Country Bears were running wild in the absence of county animal-control officers.

“We were pretty embarrassed about the whole situation,” said Magic Kingdom spokesperson Beaufort “Clueless” Hamhead. “We think we can get the whole thing back together in a couple of weeks, and we’re already sending nice notes of apology to all the people we sacked, especially the ones we inadvertently put in crates instead of sending home.”

Presidents upgrade protested

Friday, April 11th, 2008

There has been much furor in recent days over the announcement that Walt Disney World’s Hall of Presidents will be closed for extensive maintenance and plussing. At first, it was rumored that the long refurbishment time for the attraction was due to the fact that all of the seats were being replaced (apparently guests are, on average, much larger to day than they were back when this attraction was first opened). However, rumors quickly began to spread that significant changes were being made to the attraction itself.

What changes? To make sure that we are not accidentally spreading substantiated rumors, we’ll let Managio Blunder — supposed Disney Director of Imagination Marketing — speak for himself: “The changes to the Hall of Presidents really aren’t anything to get excited about. We have been planning to plus the attraction for years, and when we noticed that a lot of materials were being created for Hong Kong Disneyland, we just decided to make an extra set that could be used to plus our attraction. So all we’re doing is adding Disney characters in a few key areas — Mickey advising George Washington, Stitch rooting around in Lincoln’s pants, that kind of thing — which our surveys show is what guests want. They want more characters. We’ll also be removing some of the less popular presidents and replacing them with leaders of other countries — such as France, Japan, and China — in the name of diversity. Oh, and we’re replacing that sappy opening speech with Disney Channel ads. Really, there’s no reason to get all worked up.”

Recently, the family of Disney Legend Blaine Gibson wrote to the Walt Disney Company, threatening mass suicide if the changes went through. Disney responded that they believed the changes were in keeping with the attraction’s original intent, “to delight guests with the great leaders of history.”

Because Warren G. Harding is one of the presidential figures scheduled for replacement, a group protesting the changes has gathered under the banner, “Stop the War on Harding.” They have set up a Web site, are gathering e-signatures, and promise to “keep bugging Disney until they get a clue.”

We’ll keep you posted as events develop!