Archive for the ‘Epcot’ Category

It’s official

Friday, January 20th, 2017

It’s official: Disney World Imagineers must steel themselves for the emotionally difficult task of creating an animatronic Donald Trump and installing it in the Hall of Presidents.

“We have asked if we can put the Trump animatronic in the back, maybe facing a wall,” said one Imagineer on condition of our making clear that this is a fake news site and everyone at Disney is actually really, really excited about the new administration. “If that doesn’t work out, we’d like to make his Presidential speech 140 characters or less. You know, to match his style.”

In related news, it appears that Disney will face a 35% penalty tax if all of Epcot’s international employees aren’t replaced with (quoting dubious government sources) “Real Americans.” Construction on the wall around the Mexico pavilion starts Monday.

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A Jones for Music

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010

This week’s performer at the Epcot “Flower Power” concert series is Davy Jones. As in previous years, Guest Services has brought on extra staff to handle the inrush of misinformed and disappointed Pirates of the Caribbean fans.

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Cantina de San Angel squared

Sunday, March 14th, 2010

Construction walls are up and Disney World’s Epcot’s Mexico Pavilion’s Cantina de San Angel restaurant is expanding. According to a blog that purports to be from Disney but is filled with spelling errors and hosted in Russia: “Cantina de San Angel is just too popular for its current size. Over the course of the next few months, the restaurant will double in capacity and be renamed ‘Cantina de San Angel^2’ — pronounced ‘Cantina de San Angel to the power of dos’. In keeping with the new theme, flavor, portions, prices, and wait times will also be doubled.”

To accommodate the new, larger restaurant, the Mexico Pavilion’s pyramid will also be expanded, receiving a second peak. Said someone near the construction site who was holding a hammer, “This is exactly how the Mexican natives would have done it, if they had thought of it, which they didn’t.”

The Gran Fiesta Tour Starring the Three Caballeros attraction will also be doubled in length, becoming the Gran Fiesta Tour^2 Starring the Six Caballeros (of which four of the caballeros will be Donald, because there was so much excitement the last time he was added to the attraction). The decision to rename the attraction is already a bit controversial, particularly amongst mathematicians who point out that three caballeros squared is nine caballeros, not six, and the caballeros should also be squared if you want to keep your units consistent.

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Congestion in China

Friday, August 8th, 2008

Epcot’s China pavilion was overrun on Friday night by tourists hoping to catch the Olympic opening ceremonies. “Sometimes we forget just how like the real China our pavilion is,” said supposed Walt Disney World cultural ambassador Princess Fuzzbucket. “It’s only natural that some people would think that the Olympics are being hosted here, but we weren’t prepared for more than 15,000 guests showing up.”

“I’d just rather go here than off to some country with all different time zones and bathrooms and weird food and some gibberish for language and an alphabet,” said Ed Xenophobe, a Disney World guest from Isolation, Kansas. “Each Epcot pavilion is technically part of the host country — or is that embassies? — but anyway it’s as real as the real place and Disney should have done a better job of having the Olympics here, that’s all I’m saying.”

This isn’t the first time that guests have had trouble distinguishing Epcot pavilions from actual countries. For example:

  • It is common to find guests in the U.K. pavilion wandering about looking for the entrance to the “chunnel” to the France pavilion.
  • In 1989 a group of protesters smuggled sledgehammers into the park and attempted to bring down a wall in Germany.
  • Guests occasionally comment that Norway is “a bigger country than they imagined it would be.”
  • Cast members in the American Adventure occasionally have to be disciplined when they forget themselves and attempt to hire day laborers from the Mexico pavilion.

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Rumor roundup

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

As usual, there are many WDW-related rumors flying about the Internet. Here’s a roundup of some of the most interesting (sic.):

  • Are rising gas prices making WDW cut back on its fleet of busses? Recent guests have complained that busses are more scarce that usual, and that there is a marked increase in the use of “bicycles built for 64”.
  • Epcot is rumored to have a new attraction ready to premier in 2010, but there is no agreement on what that attraction might be. It might be as large as a replacement for the Wonders of Life pavilion (most likely a Wonders of Capitalism area) or as small as a new flavor of soda in Club Cool.
  • Does the upcoming Country Bears rehab herald there return of the Country Bears Christmas Hoedown? Disney isn’t saying, but did hint that the rehabed show might “have a segment with a song about a shopping maul”.
  • In a unanimous show of unity, all of Disney management came together to distance itself from the horrible pun at the end of the previous item in this list.
  • Because of Disney’s overwhelming need for expansion, the Pocahontas show at Animal Kingdom will reportedly be closed and its cast moved to a reservation of some kind.

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Hurricane to “Hit” Epcot

Tuesday, May 20th, 2008

Later this year, a new attraction in Epcot’s Innoventions will show guests exactly how it would feel to survive a devastating hurricane. When “Hurricane Goofy” strikes, guests will be subjected chest-crushing winds, rain that feels like bullets, and debris screaming through the air fast enough to be driven through the trunk of a tree. At one point, the hurricane will strike a junk yard and guests will see a Boeing 747 spontaneously assembled by the unpredictable winds.

Young children (and any guests weighing less than 250 pounds) will be lashed in place to avoid being uncomfortably thrown about the room (which, during play testing, was found to be unnervingly disorienting).

It is expected that this attraction will be most popular with guests who are not from coastal Florida. Should a real hurricane hit Walt Disney World during operating hours, performances of this attraction will be held outdoors.

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Disneyland strikes back!

Thursday, July 12th, 2007

Disneyland management continues to be ireful at the recent theft of Tom Sawyer Island’s Fort Wilderness by a group of dissatisfied annual passholders who were angry with the island’s pirate overlay. Management has decided that the incident cannot be allowed to go unpunished, but the problem of retribution remains in that they have to date been unable to positively identify the cuplrits.

So the decision was made to punish all annual passholders for the deeds of those few.

“As of August 1,” said Head of Corporate Affairs Maria Thornly, “the Disney Gallery will be permanently closed. This will surely come as a blow to Disneyland’s annual passholders, many of whom enjoyed wandering its halls and viewing important artwork and memorabilia from Disneyland’s past, and concept art hinting at its future. Those few who knew how to actually get a balcony seat for Fantasmic! viewing will surely be doubly disappointed. Perhaps this will cause them to think twice before again attempting to blackmail the Walt Disney Company with threats of petty thievery.”

Rumors are that the Disney Gallery will be returned to its former apartment format and made part of Disney’s timeshare program.

In related news, Walt Disney World management is currently engaged in battle with passholders over the “magic wand” above Epcot’s Spaceship Earth. “They’re stealing parts of it as fast as we can repair it,” said one maintenance lead, hopped up on too much coffee after days without sleep. Rumor has it that cast members sympathetic to the protestor’s dislike for Epcot’s current character-heavy trend may be aiding the rebels. How will management retalliate? We’ll let you know as soon as we do!

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What’s new in Italy?

Monday, March 5th, 2007

We announced earlier that Epcot's L'Originale Alfredo di Roma Ristorante is getting the axe. Disney originally would only say that its replacement would be "a new Italian restaurant concept." Insiders are now saying that the "new concept" will be a large-scale Dominos Pizza, offering pizza delivery to any location in the park (including attractions!) in 30 minutes or less.

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Rose and Crown is Down

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

Epcot's Rose and Crown restaurant is closed temporarily so that employees can receive some much-needed dental work.

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Adios Alfredo!

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

Walt Disney World just announced that the Alfredo di Roma Ristorante, a fixture in the Italy pavilion in the sense that it never moved, will be closing permanently later this year. Although park spokespeople are short on details, rumor has it that the China pavilion has been complaining that Italy is getting all the big pasta business, when everyone knows that spaghetti was invented thousands of years ago in China.

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