Last night there was another amazing concert by Disney-fan band Edison Square, this time at the Rainbow Arsenal in Orange County. The place was pretty packed, but we managed to get a table near the stage, which is a good thing because they introduced a new song!
This was a weird one — possibly the most complex song The Square has ever done, and also possibly the most obscure. Thank goodness it’s danceable, because anyone who isn’t intimately familiar with Main Street’s Market House party line telephone isn’t going to have any idea what the lyrics are about.
This was a hard one to transcribe because it’s a conversation with three people. I put the main woman in regular type, the man in italics, and the third woman in bold. Play the Lady Gaga original and try to sing along — you’ll hurt yourself!
Party Line Telephone
(Apologies to Lady Gaga)
Hello, hello, I’m calling you? Is anybody there?
I have got the telephonic call Eugenia.
Hello, yes, thank g-goodness I want to report a fire.
I see my barn burning and the situation’s dire.
The situation’s dire
The situation’s dire
Flames are coming through the door
My barn is on fire.
Just a second, something is on fire did you say?
Then you’ll be wanting to talk to the fire chief, eh?
I’m sure he’s the man you want, but that just isn’t me.
I’m Quentin Spoon the city’s only postmaster, see?
Stop talkin’, stop talkin’, can’t you hear my barn is on fire?
I called for help ‘cross this new-fangled phone wire.
Stop talkin’, stop talkin’, can’t you hear my farm is on fire?
I called for help ‘cross this new-fangled phone wire.
d-d-d-d-d
Stop ignorin’ me
d-d-d-d-d
I’m frantic
d-d-d-d-d
Stop ignorin’ me
I thought I rang up the fire station.
And you did we all share this telephone
‘Cause it’s all that and more, it’s the general store,
And it’s also the post box telephone.
Hurry and get me the fire chief now,
Gotta reach him before my barn burns down.
It’s me, Quentin Spoon, I’m the fire chief, too.
Man’s gotta wear a whole lotta hats in this town.
If you’re the chief why not tell me so?
I’ve got to put my hat on.
Have to have the hat on.
An official hat on.
Could we please get back to my barn?
Just let me get my ink pen.
Alrighty let’s go, Miss.
Tell me, what is your name then?
I’m Mrs. Thelma Bird, 23 Elm Tree Lane
Now did you say that that was Mrs. Bird, did you say?
B-I-R-D Bird You said you spell it with a Y?
Not Y it’s I it’s Bird, okay? Okay, I’m listenin’.
No call for screamin’
No call for screamin’
No reason to get mad Miss Ird
No call for screamin’.
Stop talkin’, stop talkin’, can’t you hear my barn is on fire?
I called for help ‘cross this new-fangled phone wire.
Stop talkin’, stop talkin’, can’t you hear my farm is on fire?
I called for help ‘cross this new-fangled phone wire.
Stop talkin’, stop talkin’, can’t you hear my barn is on fire?
I called for help ‘cross this new-fangled phone wire.
Stop talkin’, stop talkin’, can’t you hear my farm is on fire?
I called for help ‘cross this new-fangled phone wire.
d-d-d-d-d
Is that you Thelma Bird?
d-d-d-d-d
Is that you?
d-d-d-d-d
Show a bit more respect.
d-d-d-d-d
To Quentin.
Gertrude you get off this line right now
Say Gertrude just how can I help you out?
I just want to know can you tell me for sho’
If my peacock feathers have arrived at the store?
Sounds like this calls for my postman hat.
Wait, can’t we all just forget about that?
Gertrude just let me be, it’s an emergency.
And my package is not? We’ll see ’bout that!
My barn’s on fire, m-m-my barn’s on fire.
Well all righty then miss,
What was that address?
23 Elm Tree lane with the barn on fire.
My barn’s on fire, m-m-my barn’s on fire.
Well I guess that’ll kind
Make it easy to find.
Well now it’s collapsed so there’s no more fire.
This has been an authentic 1890 party line conversation.
Please never take your cell phone for granted again.
