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Edison Square: Everyone’s a Princess

Friday, February 21st, 2014

Saw the most recent show by our friends Edison Square yesterday, and they rolled out a new song that happily Disneyfied the theme song from the decidedly not-Disney film The LEGO Movie. Here are the lyrics so you can sing along at home!

Everyone’s a Princess
(Sung to a tune vaguely reminiscent of “Everything Is Awesome!!!” by Tegan And Sara with The Lonely Island, but not so much so that lawyers have to get involved)

Everyone’s a princess
Gonna be a queen when your stepmother’s gone
Everyone’s a princess, put your tiara on

Everything is better when you’re cute with power
Roam the woods, call a tree, and talk for an hour, take a sunshine shower
Have a ball, you can too, you’re like me, we’re all living like royalty

Everyone’s a princess
Read a hundred books on your gigantic lawn
Everyone’s a princess, put your tiara on

(Whooo)
Wave, wave, wave — GO

Like a magic spell, everyone’s a princess
Princes lined up, hoping I’ll meet them
Jerks at school, now they’re all looking up at me
Got a bow and a mom that’s a grizzly.

Be like a princess and eat princess blintzes
People sing when I go out walkin’
See animals, they hear me talkin’
An’ they help me cleanin’. Everyone’s a princess
At a ball, I wear glass shoes
When I go to sleep, the kingdom’s in mourning

Everything is better when you’re living royal
Get some clothes, bat my eye, say goodbye to toil, watch the haters boil
Have a feast, you can too, you’re like me, we’re all living like royalty

Everyone’s a princess
Hit guys with a pan just to show off your brawn
Everyone’s a princess, put your tiara on

Snow White, Rapunziz’
We just named two princesses
Pocahontas, Mulan as well
Who’s half fish and princess? Ariel!

Aurora, Merida, magic transformed Cinderella
Jasmine’s good, Belle’s the best
And like us they’re princesses!

Tiana, Anna, Elsa
Princesses!
Minnie, Daisy, and Tink
Princesses!
Mickey and Goofy and ducks
Princesses!
Everyone that you see every day
Princesses!

(silverware and jewelry solo)

Everyone’s a princess
Everything is rich when your troubles are gone
Everyone’s a princess, put your tiara on

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Edison Square: “Ice Ice Lady”

Friday, December 6th, 2013

I know it’s a last-minute notice, but at tonight’s show in Anaheim Edison Square is going to premiere their new song — a tribute to Frozen! Lyrics follow so you can sing along:

“Ice Ice Lady”
(Apologies to Vanilla Ice)

Yo, gloves off
Let’s kick it!

Ice ice baby, ice ice baby
Story starts, something you oughta know, man,
Sister Anna wants to build a snow man.
Sister Ella just keeps her door closed,
With their parents being total no-shows.
Is she coming out? Yo — she won’t say,
Not ’till coronation day.
That’s when they finally let the castle gates open,
But the party doesn’t go like Anna’s hopin’.

Dance, with just one guy at the ball,
A model of a modern major general.
Problem, Ella gets in a major snit,
Blows her cool like a fool an’ she starts freezing shit.
Can’t understand it, why she ran away,
The queen may be a monster, that’s what they say.
The fjord’s frozen over, winter caused it,
Ella and Anna should talk and resolve it.

Ice ice lady
The queen’s an ice ice lady
Covered in ice ice baby
That wasn’t nice nice lady
The queen is.

Now that the summer is slumpin’,
All the snow falls down and the icecicles jumpin’.
Out in the wild Ella’s made a castle,
From solid ice, it’s a major hassle.
Hiding there because she needs no man,
Although she made a sun-loving snow man.
By now Ella’s teamed up with an ice man,
Kristoff who talks for his pal reindeer, Sven.
Race on his sled through the snow,
‘Cause the wolves will get them if they’re too slow.
They get to El’s place, she ices their face,
Did they stop? No – they’re on the case.
Anna got an ice pop on her heart,
She needs some major love or the thing just won’t start
And she’ll drop dead.
Yo – so they hoofed it all the way back to Arendelle.
The whole place was still all frozen over,
Ella needed a kiss from her lover.
Hans is the guy who’s running the town,
Says he loves Anna but he just wants the crown.
He is glad just to let her die,
If it weren’t frozen up he’d go to Hell and fry.
Anna had to leave him cold,
And find true love like a story of old.
Kristoff came running flat-out fast,
Worked up like a prince from the past.
Hans has a sword ’cause he’s still not dead,
Messing with Ella so he can cut off her head.
Anna’s on the scene, her fiancé’s mean,
She stopped his sword ’cause that’s what sister love means.
If ice was a problem, Yo, she solved it
Too bad her heart left her body froze solid.

Ice ice lady
Anna’s an ice ice lady
Body of ice ice baby
That isn’t nice nice lady
So frozen.

Chill out, I’m not a gothical poet,
Everything turns out fine just in case you didn’t know it.
Their town, that had turned into an ice tomb,
Got sunnied up and avoided its doom.
‘Cause the spell was broke by Anna’s deed,
Proving that sister love is all that you need.
You don’t need a prince, this is a hell of a concept
They found a cure without a true love’s kiss.
Kristoff turned out fine, he got a new sleigh,
Olaf gets his own cloud so he won’t melt but he looks dumb;
And Hans doesn’t die ’cause there’s nothing to fall from.
Ella’s composed and the townfolk love her,
Because they know their queen is one cool mother.
The end of the story, Yo – that does it.
I wonder if H.C.A.’d even know it.

Ice ice city
Town turned to ice ice baby
By the nice ice ice lady
You now that nice ice snowman
Chill Olaf

Yo, man, let’s skate out of here. Word to Grandma in Narnia.

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Drawn This Way

Sunday, March 6th, 2011

There was an awesome dance party at Disneyland tonight after all the cheerleader competitions, and everyone’s favorite band Edison Square played (to riotous applause, as usual). They introduced a new song — their third in the row parodying a Lady Gaga tune. They’re either obsessed with her or they need to get out more often!

Anyway, we did our best to transcribe the lyrics and, with their kind permission, present them to you for your reading, dancing, and (if you are so inclined) performing pleasure!

Drawn This Way
(With apologies to Lady Gaga)

It doesn’t matter if you’re W.B, or W-A-L-T.

You hold your gloves up,
‘Cause you’ve got character, baby.

I was a siren right from day one,
Sketched out as harsh sexy cruel.
They drew my bust, painted my dress on,
My look was all hot and cool.

A good design can help a toon go far,
So let the director have his say.
But how you look does not show who you are,
When your cells are on eBay.

I’m hard to look at you say,
But that brings me no shame.
I’m not a bad toon, baby,
I was drawn this way.

Put your eyes back in your head,
Look past the tight sequined dress.
I won’t hurt Roger, baby,
I was drawn this way.
(Drawn this way.)

Look at me some other way.
Baby, I was drawn this way,
Baby, I was drawn this way.
(Drawn this way.)

Close your mouth and go away.
Baby, I was drawn this way,
I’m not a bad toon, baby,
I was drawn this way

Don’t be a weasel, be a toon.
Don’t be a weasel, be a toon.
Don’t be a weasel, be a toon.
(Draw me!)

So I don’t age like your other friends,
Whack my head; hit me with pie.
Hurt me on film, you can’t destroy my worth,
Accept who I am; I cannot die.

A caricature is not a sin,
So keep away the D-I-P (hey, hey, hey)
I love my life, I love Toontown, and
I love you ‘cause you make me laugh.

I’m hard to look at you say,
But that brings me no shame.
I’m not a bad toon, baby,
I was drawn this way.

Don’t try to erase the past,
Accept your ink and you’re set.
I’m not a bad toon, baby,
I was drawn this way

Ink and paint and on my way.
Baby, I was drawn this way,
Baby, I was drawn this way.
(Drawn this way.)

Multiplane me all the way.
Baby, I was drawn this way.
Turn on the laugh track, baby,
I was drawn this way.

Don’t be straight man, be a dope,
Whether hand drawn or rotoscoped.
You’re black and white or Kodachrome,
Studio born or made at home.
You may be CAPS or CGI,
Motion captured or caught by eye,
Don’t let your looks run how you play,
‘Cause baby, you were drawn this way.

Animal, human, or freak,
A pantsless dude with a beak,
Saturday morning, baby,
Your career’s at its peek.

Now you may be Betty Boop,
Or South Park Christmastime poop,
You are the ACME, baby,
Not a cell of dry goop.

Ain’t got a line out of place,
My lead made no mistakes.
I’m no booby trap, baby,
I was drawn this way.

And when you feel like the dregs,
Remember Pete grew a leg.
I’m not a catch phrase, baby
I was drawn this way, yeah!

Try and tear your eyes away.
Baby, I was drawn this way,
Baby, I was drawn this way.
(Drawn this way.)

Throw your biases away.
Baby, I was drawn this way.
Go take an art class, baby,
I was drawn this way.

(C’mon Roger, let’s go home. I’ll bake you a carrot cake.)

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Party Line Telephone

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

Last night there was another amazing concert by Disney-fan band Edison Square, this time at the Rainbow Arsenal in Orange County. The place was pretty packed, but we managed to get a table near the stage, which is a good thing because they introduced a new song!

This was a weird one — possibly the most complex song The Square has ever done, and also possibly the most obscure. Thank goodness it’s danceable, because anyone who isn’t intimately familiar with Main Street’s Market House party line telephone isn’t going to have any idea what the lyrics are about.

This was a hard one to transcribe because it’s a conversation with three people. I put the main woman in regular type, the man in italics, and the third woman in bold. Play the Lady Gaga original and try to sing along — you’ll hurt yourself!

Party Line Telephone
(Apologies to Lady Gaga)

Hello, hello, I’m calling you? Is anybody there?
I have got the telephonic call Eugenia.
Hello, yes, thank g-goodness I want to report a fire.
I see my barn burning and the situation’s dire.

The situation’s dire
The situation’s dire
Flames are coming through the door
My barn is on fire.

Just a second, something is on fire did you say?
Then you’ll be wanting to talk to the fire chief, eh?
I’m sure he’s the man you want, but that just isn’t me.
I’m Quentin Spoon the city’s only postmaster, see?

Stop talkin’, stop talkin’, can’t you hear my barn is on fire?
I called for help ‘cross this new-fangled phone wire.
Stop talkin’, stop talkin’, can’t you hear my farm is on fire?
I called for help ‘cross this new-fangled phone wire.

d-d-d-d-d
Stop ignorin’ me
d-d-d-d-d
I’m frantic
d-d-d-d-d
Stop ignorin’ me

I thought I rang up the fire station.
And you did we all share this telephone
‘Cause it’s all that and more, it’s the general store,
And it’s also the post box telephone.

Hurry and get me the fire chief now,
Gotta reach him before my barn burns down.
It’s me, Quentin Spoon, I’m the fire chief, too.
Man’s gotta wear a whole lotta hats in this town.

If you’re the chief why not tell me so?
I’ve got to put my hat on.
Have to have the hat on.
An official hat on.

Could we please get back to my barn?
Just let me get my ink pen.
Alrighty let’s go, Miss.
Tell me, what is your name then?

I’m Mrs. Thelma Bird, 23 Elm Tree Lane
Now did you say that that was Mrs. Bird, did you say?
B-I-R-D Bird You said you spell it with a Y?
Not Y it’s I it’s Bird, okay? Okay, I’m listenin’.

No call for screamin’
No call for screamin’
No reason to get mad Miss Ird
No call for screamin’.

Stop talkin’, stop talkin’, can’t you hear my barn is on fire?
I called for help ‘cross this new-fangled phone wire.
Stop talkin’, stop talkin’, can’t you hear my farm is on fire?
I called for help ‘cross this new-fangled phone wire.

Stop talkin’, stop talkin’, can’t you hear my barn is on fire?
I called for help ‘cross this new-fangled phone wire.
Stop talkin’, stop talkin’, can’t you hear my farm is on fire?
I called for help ‘cross this new-fangled phone wire.

d-d-d-d-d
Is that you Thelma Bird?
d-d-d-d-d
Is that you?
d-d-d-d-d
Show a bit more respect.
d-d-d-d-d
To Quentin.

Gertrude you get off this line right now
Say Gertrude just how can I help you out?
I just want to know can you tell me for sho’
If my peacock feathers have arrived at the store?

Sounds like this calls for my postman hat.
Wait, can’t we all just forget about that?
Gertrude just let me be, it’s an emergency.
And my package is not? We’ll see ’bout that!

My barn’s on fire, m-m-my barn’s on fire.
Well all righty then miss,
What was that address?
23 Elm Tree lane with the barn on fire.

My barn’s on fire, m-m-my barn’s on fire.
Well I guess that’ll kind
Make it easy to find.
Well now it’s collapsed so there’s no more fire.

This has been an authentic 1890 party line conversation.
Please never take your cell phone for granted again.

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Edison Square: Clueless Guest

Thursday, May 27th, 2010

Wow! Due to the great reaction we got from yesterday’s post, Edison Square has said that we can post the lyrics to another one of their new songs. Enjoy!

Clueless Guest
(Apologies to Lady GaGa)

Ooooooh,
Stuck with a clueless guest
Ooooooh,
Stuck with a clueless guest

Oh-uh-ha-ha-ha
Where’s the, oh where’s the
Wait wha? Oh, uh uh
What a clueless guest.

Who huh? Na na na.
How’s the, who’s the wha?
When’s the, fa la la
What a clueless guest.

You might be ugly,
You might be diseased,
You might be badly dressed,
It’s okay with me
Unless you’re dense,
Dense, dense, dense,
Unless you’re dense.

Yes we sell water,
No churros aren’t free.
No I won’t watch your kid, oh don’t make a scene.
Please get a clue,
Clue, clue, clue
Please get a clue.

You ask for the bathroom,
While you stand in a bathroom,
Then you’re a real clueless guest.

You’re on the Mark Twain and look for stairs below deck,
So to me you are a clueless guest.
You ask me where to go for pictures with Shrek,
So to me you are a clueless guest.

Ooooooh,
Stuck with a clueless guest
Ooooooh,
Stuck with a clueless guest

Mouse ma fo fa fa
Ride the, ride the wha?
He ha, no no ma
What a clueless guest

Your kid’s way too short,
You say she’ll be fine.
Has safety ever even crossed your mind?
Please get a clue,
Clue, clue, clue
Please get a clue.

No you can’t climb that,
Please move through the gate.
The trash cans weren’t designed to hold a man’s weight.
You’re being dense,
Dense, dense, dense,
You’re being dense.

You know that I want to
Do what I can to help you
(‘Cause I’m a cast member, baby)
But you’re a real clueless guest.

You ask if Mickey’s house is okay for kids,
So to me you are a clueless guest.
You ask me where the Magic Mountain line is,
So to me you are a clueless guest.

Ooooooh,
Stuck with a clueless guest
Ooooooh,
Stuck with a clueless guest

Oh-uh-ha-ha-ha
Pi-rate, pi-rate huh
Wait wha? Oh, uh uh
What a clueless guest.

Who huh? Na na na.
Prin-cess, prin-cess huh
When’s the, fa la la
What a clueless guest.

Walk, walk, you can’t stand there,
There’s going to be a big parade here,
Walk, walk, you can’t stand there,
Traffic’s really backing up here.

Walk, walk, you can’t stand there,
Cross the rope and you can watch here,
Walk, walk, I can’t stand here,
No, go the other way lady!

Don’t want your love,
I just want you in line.
Don’t want your love,
I want you in your seat.
por favor mantenganse alejado de las puertas
permanecer sentados por favor

Please don’t run in the park.
(You are a clueless guest; you are a clueless guest)
Yes you have to wear shoes.
(You are a clueless guest; you are a clueless guest)
(Stuck with a clueless guest)

Don’t let your kids in the plants.
(You are a clueless guest; you are a clueless guest)
Don’t change your babe on the bench.
(You are a clueless guest; stuck with a clueless guest)
You are a clueless guest

You want to know if the dinos are real,
So to me you are a clueless guest.
You ask where you can get a cheap, healthy meal,
So to me you are a clueless guest.

Ooooooh,
What a clueless guest.
Stuck with a clueless guest
What a clueless guest.
What a clueless guest.
Stuck with a clueless guest

Mouse ma fo fa fa
Ride the, ride the wha?
He ha, no no ma
What a clueless guest

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Edison Square: Without a Churro

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

Last weekend we attended Edison Square’s concert at the Mouse a GoGo and it was awesome (as usual). They unveiled a few new songs, and gave us permission to share with you the lyrics of our favorite, “Without a Churro” (passionately sung to the tune of U2’s “With or Without You”).

By the way, Edison Square has a strict “no recording” policy at their concerts, so we can’t put up a file for you to enjoy. However, in the spirit of Disney-fan camaraderie (and with the band’s permission) we’d like to invite you to send us an MP3 of your band playing this song (or another of Edison Square’s classics, like our favorite, “Welcome to the Jungle (Cruise)”). We’ll post the best entries to the blog with your name and a link to your site and then choose one to receive an autographed copy of Liar’s Guide to Disneyland and $50 American cash!

Without a Churro
(Apologies to U2)

From the moment we arrived,
Every line on every ride,
I went with you.

Stayed together while we ate,
Now it’s getting pretty late,
But I won’t leave with you.

Without a churro,
Without a churro.

On our feet 12 hours or more,
We had a snack but I want more,
Come on would it kill you?

Buy me a churro,
Buy me a churro,
Oh, I can’t live,
Without a churro.

They are cinnamon and sweet,
The taste lifts me off my feet,
As a snack,
As a snack,
As a snack they can’t be beat.

No ice-cream mouse,
No turkey leg, No popcorn tub,
They’re not what I want, so
Please don’t make me beg.

They should give the things away,
They should give the things away,
But that’s not,
But that’s not,
But that’s not the Disney way.

Without a churro,
Without a churro,
I can’t live,
Without a churro.

(Various cries of churroless suffering)

Without a churro,
Without a churro,
Oh, I can’t live,
Without a churro,
Without a churro.

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Two Skippers

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

In celebration of the return of Mr. Lincoln to Disneyland, our friends at Edison Square have added their version of the infamous “Two Brothers” song to their set of late. Here are the lyrics, for those of you who want to sing along at home (or in a queue!)

Two Skippers

Two skippers on their way,
Two skippers on their way,
Two skippers on their way,
Every boat was crammed that day.

Every boat was crammed that day,
The queue upstairs went all the way,
To where there’s robot snakes at play,
All on a Jungle Cruise morning.

One was funny, one was not,
One was funny, one was not,
I had a 50-50 shot,
Guess which one’s the one I got.

Every joke felt old and stale,
The whole thing was a major fail,
If groans were crimes he’d rot in jail,
All on a Jungle Cruise morning.

All on a Jungle Cruise morning.

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Goodbye, Michael Jackson

Friday, June 26th, 2009

No matter what scandals or weirdness have been attached to his name over the years, Disneyland fans will always remember Michael Jackson as bad-driving, cool-dancing, lightning-flinging Captain EO. Although Disney has been reluctant to release the Captain’s film on video (citing fears that its dancing evil aliens might be confused with disco zombies), Disneyland will be honoring Michael Jackson by bringing Captain EO back for one week, temporarily replacing Honey, I Shrunk the Audience.

The announcement, made through an anonymous e-mail to this blog, was not clear on when the showing would begin, so we encourage DisneyLies readers to contact Disney directly and pester them until they make a more formal announcement.

In the meantime, we invite you to fondly remember the good Captain by singing along with Disney band Edison Square’s song EO.

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Hello, WALL*E!

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008

Our good friends at Edison Square are now performing a new song about everyone’s favorite environmentally conscious robot, WALL*E, and they were good enough to provide us with a copy of the lyrics even before they appear on the Edison Square Web site.

The song, sung to the tune of “Hello, Dolly!” (what else?) goes a little something like this:

Hello, WALL*E!

WALL*E
Hello, Slinky
Well, Hello Twinkie
You’re so nice when I go home you’ll come along.
This is a swell, tea cup
These are a D cup
This one’s glowin’, this fan’s blowin’
They’ll all come along.
I am a bit lonely
And I wish only
That I had a friend who wasn’t just a roach.
So, crush that trash, WALL*E
Cannibalize some parts, WALL*E
WALL*E’ll never have a friend again.

EVE
Hello WALL*E!
Well, hello WALL*E!
I enjoyed when you put on that ancient song.
Hey what is that, WALL*E?
It’s a plant, WALL*E,
It’s still growin’, so I’m goin’
I must move along.
No more time for playin’
‘Cause I’m not stayin’
My directive says I must go home again, so

WALL*E
None of that, EVE
I’m gonna come along, EVE

Eve
I promise you’ll never be alone again

WALL*E
I flew away clinging on to a space ship
And through the atmosphere’s haze
I followed EVE through the maze of the space ship
Together we’ll show Captain the good old days

Humans
Those good old days
Hello, Well Hello WALL*E
Well hello, like my chair, WALL*E?

WALL*E
It’s sure nice but do you like my girlfriend’s gun?

Humans
Girlfriend’s gun

WALL*E
Please understand, Captiain
Can you stand, Captain?
AUTO’s gone insane, is over wrought, and glares like HAL

Humans
We can’t get thinner
If we drink dinner
So we must turn this ship Earthward once again
So…

WALL*E
This is grand, people
EVE finally held my hand, people

Humans
WALL*E’ll never be alone again

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New Edison Square album!

Saturday, April 5th, 2008

We just received our review copy of Edison Square’s new Disney-themed album, This High to Enter.

It’s really quite fabulous. Our favorite track? The Haunted Mansion themed song “Fears.”

Enjoy!

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