Disney Lies

Our good friends at Edison Square are now performing a new song about everyone’s favorite environmentally conscious robot, WALL*E, and they were good enough to provide us with a copy of the lyrics even before they appear on the Edison Square Web site.

The song, sung to the tune of “Hello, Dolly!” (what else?) goes a little something like this:

Hello, WALL*E!

WALL*E
Hello, Slinky
Well, Hello Twinkie
You’re so nice when I go home you’ll come along.
This is a swell, tea cup
These are a D cup
This one’s glowin’, this fan’s blowin’
They’ll all come along.
I am a bit lonely
And I wish only
That I had a friend who wasn’t just a roach.
So, crush that trash, WALL*E
Cannibalize some parts, WALL*E
WALL*E’ll never have a friend again.

EVE
Hello WALL*E!
Well, hello WALL*E!
I enjoyed when you put on that ancient song.
Hey what is that, WALL*E?
It’s a plant, WALL*E,
It’s still growin’, so I’m goin’
I must move along.
No more time for playin’
‘Cause I’m not stayin’
My directive says I must go home again, so

WALL*E
None of that, EVE
I’m gonna come along, EVE

Eve
I promise you’ll never be alone again

WALL*E
I flew away clinging on to a space ship
And through the atmosphere’s haze
I followed EVE through the maze of the space ship
Together we’ll show Captain the good old days

Humans
Those good old days
Hello, Well Hello WALL*E
Well hello, like my chair, WALL*E?

WALL*E
It’s sure nice but do you like my girlfriend’s gun?

Humans
Girlfriend’s gun

WALL*E
Please understand, Captiain
Can you stand, Captain?
AUTO’s gone insane, is over wrought, and glares like HAL

Humans
We can’t get thinner
If we drink dinner
So we must turn this ship Earthward once again
So…

WALL*E
This is grand, people
EVE finally held my hand, people

Humans
WALL*E’ll never be alone again

We just received our review copy of Edison Square’s new Disney-themed album, This High to Enter.

It’s really quite fabulous. Our favorite track? The Haunted Mansion themed song “Fears.”

Enjoy!

This evening, at a show in Anaheim, Disney-fan band Edison Square premiered a new song based on the video-game hit “Still Alive” by Jonathan Coulton. They were nice enough to supply us with a copy of the lyrics, but you really have to hear the song live — with the computer-voice filter and all - to really get the full impact.

I am a failure.
You thought I would be a
Huge success.
It’s hard to deal with all of this rejection.
Disney California.
It sounded just brilliant at the time
On day one I was a star.
But on day two I was dead.

Focusing on shopping was a major mistake.
As was putting nothing in a gigantic lake.
But to just let me die,
Would be a big black eye,
So years later I am still alive.

Superstar Limo.
God I am so depressed right now.
The prices at the restaurants almost killed me.
The lack of attractions.
And nothing for younger kids to do.
Every complaint hurt because they were all totally true.

Now it’s eight years later,
Profits are a flat line.
But a billion dollars is going to be mine.
So I know you got burned,
But I think the corner’s turned,
And they’re working to keep me alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I know that there’s fireworks outside.
Maybe you’d like someone else’s vision.
Cynthia Harris.
(That was a joke. Ha ha. That bitch.)
Anyway I will be great when the placemaking is done.

Look at me still whining when there’s building to do.
Add a night-time show,
And some Pixar stuff, too.
There are failures to be killed,
And some theming to rebuild,
But a billion will keep me alive.

Two-fer tickets and I’m still alive
Toy Story Midway and I’m still alive
A Cars attraction and I’m still alive
A new entrance and I’m still alive
One-point-one billion and I’m still alive
Still alive.
Still alive.