Here’s something to try if you’re visiting Disneyland with someone who thinks they’re too grown up for it to be any fun:
Archive for the ‘Disneyland’ Category
With the line to see the Frozen princesses growing so long (so long, in fact, that they have installed restrooms and a restaurant next to it), Disneyland guests are desperate for relaxation after their moving-slow-as-ice ordeal. This has led many guests to head over to the low-energy Big Thunder Ranch after visiting the princesses, and consequently forced Disney to take measures to handle the new crowds in this animal-positive area.
The biggest change is in the goat-petting area. The line to pet goats is now pretty significant, often reaching nearly to Fantasyland, and necessitating the installation of guide rails and signage to stop things from getting out of control.
Fortunately, Disney has really stepped up in this instance. They not only have additional staff (“Goat Guides”) to help manage the goat experience, they have also further themed the goats by assigning each animal a name and personality.
For example, here is “Butty” — supposedly the most evil goat in existence.
Here’s an interesting Disneyland detail! In the window of one of the Main Street shops — right next to the Carnation restaurant — there is a display of old-fashioned toys. One of these is a traditional Stack of Cows.
Today, few people remember that a cow-stacking set (a dozen progressively smaller cows sold in a tin container shaped like a milk bottle) was a traditional present for American children around the time Walt Disney was a youth. Back then, these were as common on Christmas morning as Noah’s Arks, rolling hoops, and documents of factory indenture!
We have just returned from our most recent Disneyland research trip (hence the resounding silence of the last few days), and have a few interesting (sic.) things to share with you before we return to our current mania for posting the contents of other people’s mail.
One thing we noticed for the first time at Disneyland was the pattern of window cutouts in the homes in Toontown. Take a look:
- Minnie’s house shows heart cutouts, because she’s so full of love.
- Mickey’s house has diamonds, because he’s the shining jewel of Toontown.
- Goofy’s house has clubs, because his house is a clubhouse.
- Pluto’s dog house (not pictured here) has spades, but we’re not sure why.
Any theories on why there is a card theme to these cutouts? Or why Donald’s boat has circles instead of more card-related shapes?
We are sure there is some deep meaning here, but are unable to puzzle it out.
After an enormous amount of research and experimentation, DisneyLies.com is proud to present you with the complete, definitive list of “it’s a small world” theme-song lyrics, in order, from worst to best.
18. It’s a small, small world.
17. It’s a small, small world.
16. It’s a small world after all.
15. It’s a small world after all.
14. It’s a small world after all.
13. It’s a small world after all.
12. It’s a small world after all.
11. It’s a small world after all.
10. It’s a small world after all.
9. It’s a small world after all.
8. That it’s time we’re aware
7. There is just one moon and one golden sun.
6. And the oceans are wide
5. Though the mountains divide,
4. It’s a world of hopes and a world of fears.
3. It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears.
2. There’s so much that we share,
1. And a smile means friendship to everyone.
“it’s a small world” is notable for its song, the train-wreck-like fascination it brings, and the strange capitalization in its ever-quoted name. In honor of the attraction’s upcoming 50th anniversary, we hereby offer a little look at what a list of Disneyland attractions might look like if all of them were named in the style of “it’s a small world.”
Main Street, U.S.A.
- “it’s an old railroad”
- “it’s some classic cartoons”
- “it’s a one-way ride”
- “it’s a robot president”
- “it’s a circle rocket”
- “it’s a small car”
- “it’s a single rail”
- “it’s a fish tube”
- “it’s a round building”
- “it’s a rocket coaster”
- “it’s a space tour”
- “it’s a zurg blaster”
- “it’s a space musical”
- “it’s a curious ride”
- “it’s a small train”
- “it’s a princess queue”
- “it’s a fairy queue”
- “it’s an elephant queue”
- “it’s a small world”
- “it’s a white horse”
- “it’s a tea party”
- “it’s a yeti sled”
- “it’s a wild ride”
- “it’s a flying ship”
- “it’s a real boy”
- “it’s a charming walk-through”
- “it’s a wishing well”
- “it’s a scary ride with a witch that may be too intense for small children”
- “it’s a tiny village”
- “it’s a runaway train”
- “it’s an infrared gun”
- “it’s a stage show”
- “it’s a white steamboat”
- “it’s a pirate’s lair”
- “it’s a brief raft ride”
- “it’s a copy of a ship”
- “it’s a forbidden eye”
- “it’s an old joke”
- “it’s a tree house”
- “it’s a bird room”
New Orleans Square
- “it’s a ghostly retreat”
- “it’s a pirate’s life”
- “it’s an unpowered canoe”
- “it’s a damp log”
- “it’s a horrible mistake”
- “it’s a rodent’s tree-house”
- “it’s a duck’s boat”
- “it’s a small roller-coaster”
- “it’s an age-restricted playhouse”
- “it’s a mascot’s house”
- “it’s his girlfriend’s house”
- “it’s a caustic dip”
- “it’s a parade”
- “it’s a river show!”
- “it’s a crowd watching fireworks”
- Are you going to Disneyland?
- You’re not going to Disneyland, are you?
- You’re going to Disneyland again?
- No, really, you’re going again?
- Weren’t you just there like yesterday?
- Why do you go to Disneyland so much?
- You don’t think that’s normal behavior, do you?
- Don’t you get tired of it?
- How many times have you gone this year?
- Anyway, can I go with you?
Today, as an added entertainment for our advanced readers, we bring you the official DisneyLies Haunted Mansion Mega-Quiz! This is a test of Disneyland Haunted Mansion trivia and knowledge so in-depth, so challenging that we recommend that those of you who are mere casual or occasional Mansion visitors not even attempt it, for fear of losing your very sanity!
Now, on to the quiz.
The instructions are simple: Just choose the lettered answer that best completes the phrase. Good luck!
Haunted Mansion Mega-Quiz
A. foolish mortals,
B. ferrous metals,
C. fishy mantles,
D. ninja turtles,
2. to the Haunted Mansion! I am your host, your
A. host ghost.
B. ghost host.
C. most grossed.
D. roast toast.
3. Kindly step all the way in please
A. and make room for everyone.
B. and get set for spooky fun.
C. Say bye to Mr. Sun.
D. Pardon this frightful pun.
4. There’s no
A. milking a cow.
B. starting a row.
C. wondering how
D. turning back now.
5. Our tour begins here in this gallery where you see paintings of some of our guests as they appeared in their
A. corruptible, mortal state.
B. enjoyable, western state.
C. undrivable interstate.
D. prom clothes without a date
6. Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of
C. fur coating,
7. almost as though you sense a
A. disquieting metamorphosis.
B. disturbing megamouth porpoise.
C. creeping mental psychosis.
D. zombie Disneyland princess.
8. Is this haunted room
A. coyishly fetching?
B. subtly retching?
C. always kvetching?
D. actually stretching?
9. Or is it your
C. prolonged vacation?
10. And consider this
A. decaying old crustacean:
B. delaying conversation:
C. dismaying observation:
D. dance interpretation:
11. This chamber has no windows and
A. no doors
C. two floors
D. clogged pores
12. Which offers you this chilling challenge:
A. to leave behind doubt!
B. to find a way out!
C. to leverage your clout!
D. to love a gay trout!
13. Of course, there’s always
A. my way.
C. Earth Day.
Correct answers: 1. D, 2. D, 3. D, 4. A, 5. B, 6. A, 7. D, 8. C, 9. C, 10. D, 11. D, 12. D, 13. B
We are great fans and long-standing members of Touringplans.com. It’s an excellent place to get all of the data you need to fastidiously micro-manage your next Disney trip.
We thought it might be interesting to take some of the data that Touringplans cranks out and use it to generate the standard Funrate for all of Disneyland’s most popular attractions. As industry insiders know, a “Funrate” is the ratio of the total number of minutes you spend at an attraction (including the queue) to the total number of minutes you spend actually enjoying an attraction (not including the queue). This assumes that any time you spent on, in, or participating in an attraction is enjoyed, any time waiting to enjoy the attraction is not enjoyed, and there is no travel time involved to get to the attraction in the first place. Strictly, this may not be the case, but we assume the entire concept was dreamed up by an economist, and you know how they are.
In short, an attraction’s Funrate is the cost in minutes for each minute spent enjoying an attraction. The closer to 1, the better. Theoretically, the best attractions are those with the lowest Funrate.
That said, here are all of Disneyland’s main attractions listed by their Funrate on a randomly chosen day last month.
|Chip ‘n Dale Tree||1.00|
|Main Street Cinema||1.00|
|Sleeping Beauty Castle Walkthrough||1.00|
|Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island||1.11|
|The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh||1.38|
|Mark Twain Riverboat||1.39|
|“it’s a small world”||1.43|
|Davy Crockett’s Explorer Canoes||1.45|
|Sailing Ship Columbia||1.50|
|Pirates of the Caribbean||1.65|
|Main Street Vehicles||1.71|
|Indiana Jones Adventure||2.15|
|King Arthur Carrousel||2.25|
|Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage||2.31|
|Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters||2.33|
|Enchanted Tiki Room||2.34|
|Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln||2.43|
|Star Tours: The Adventures Continue||2.43|
|Casey Jr. Circus Train||2.63|
|Storybook Land Canal Boats||2.97|
|Pinocchio’s Daring Journey||3.17|
|Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride||3.88|
|Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin||4.56|
|Alice in Wonderland||5.13|
|Mad Tea Party||5.33|
|Gadget’s Go Coaster||6.25|
|Big Thunder Mountain Railroad||7.14|
|Snow White’s Scary Adventures||7.63|
|The Royal Hall||9.20|
|Dumbo the Flying Elephant||9.23|
|Peter Pan’s Flight||9.92|
|Meet Anna and Elsa from Frozen||19.00|
After analyzing all of this, one lesson is clear: there’s a reason for those crowds of economists hanging around in Toontown.