Archive for the ‘Disneyland’ Category

Heroes of Toontown!

Friday, May 7th, 2010

Disneyland continues to experiment with promoting Disney’s recently acquired Marvel properties, including the new film Iron Man 2. In the spirit of this experimentation there will be surprise for guests visiting Toontown today. At several times during the day, the heroic Iron Mouse will fly into Toontown and sign autographs until he is interrupted by his arch nemesis, Whip Leg Pete! Mouse and Pete will then do battle along Toontown’s rooftops (aided by spectacular stuns and special effects).

It is rumored that there may also be an appearance by Duck Fury (agent of Q.U.A.C.K.) and Iron Mouse’s dear friend Goof “Goofy” Gooferson (a.k.a. Goof Machine).

Trivia: If you happen to visit Mickey’s house, you may catch a glimpse among his possession of the still-under-construction shield of the mighty Captain Toontown!

Mickey speaks!

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

Disney fans are all atwitter over YouTube videos taken at Disneyland yesterday showing Mickey Mouse not just shaking hands and signing autographs, but actually speaking to guests. “The technology is incredible,” said one guest, communicating solely through facial expressions. “Mickey’s mouth and eyes were moving, just as if he were a real gigantic anthropomorphic mouse and not just a poor, underpaid cast member sweating in a ginormous mouse helmet. He even addressed my son by name. My husband doesn’t even do that!”

To get the inside scoop on this new development, we contacted Bonita Chequita, a Disneyland representative chosen at random from the Anaheim phone directory. Said Chequita, “We’ve had a lot of positive feedback about the new animated Mickey character head, but I’m sorry to say it has less to do with improved technology and more to do with some kind of spirit possession. That’s how it knows kids names, tells fortunes, and causes unbelievers and Shrek fans to claw at their eyes in agonizing pain. We’re not sure if it’s a ghost or a demonic influence or what. All we know is that weird stuff has been happening ever since one of the maintenance workers dredged up what looked like an old Tiki Room artifact from the mud at the bottom of the Rivers of America. A duck tried to stop a monorail, DCA attendance is up — all sorts of weird, inexplicable things are happening. We’ve contacted tiki-curse expert Mike Lookinland to see what can be done. But until then, enjoy the show, everybody!”

Cinco de Mayo

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

In honor of Cinco de Mayo, all Mexican-themed attractions in the Disneyland resort that have “Five” in their name will temporarily have the word “Cinco” instead. Enjoy!

What’s in the river?

Monday, May 3rd, 2010

There has been much talk of interesting things that were found when Disneyland’s Rivers of America were drained a few months ago for maintenance. Here, according to indisputable anonymous sources that we have neither met nor corresponded with, is a partial list of interesting things dredged up from the river bottom:

  • Mud in assorted colors and flavors
  • What remains of the Mark Twain Mark I, which sank on Disneyland’s opening day
  • A bowling ball from the Haunted Mansion’s former subterranean bowling alley
  • Indisputable proof that it was indeed a mischievous young Kurt Russell who set the settler’s cabin on fire (his parents have been notified)
  • A coelacanth
  • A duck with a snorkel
  • Some 1.4 million cellphones, watches, wallets, and purses (these have been moved to the lost an found department where they can be claimed by their original owners — first come, first served)
  • Enough loose change to finance the DCA renovation
  • A crocodile with a banjo (possibly escaped from Splash Mountain)
  • The remains of various union representatives
  • Leeches. Barrels and barrels of leeches.

Refilling the river

Monday, May 3rd, 2010

After four months of refurbishment — during which the canoe’s tracks were straightened and the riverbed was sifted for stray wallets — Disneyland’s Rivers of America is once again being filled. According to one random person nearby who happened to be wearing an official-looking hat, it’s a more difficult process than you might imaging.

“The actual filling with water isn’t that difficult,” said the person, who looked kind of like an engineer, “it’s just a matter of organizing a couple of bucket brigades to bring water from Pirates and Splash and dump it in the river. What is difficult to manage is the ducks. Every single duck — and there are hundreds of them — has to be individually raised on jacks as the river’s level rises or the poor things would drown. But the ducks are an important part of the river. If it weren’t for them, the river wouldn’t have the thick, green color that gives it its realistic appearance and helps hide the tracks, Fantasmic! gear, and cast-member beer stashes.”

“it’s a small war”

Friday, April 30th, 2010

A few hours ago, Disneyland Today’s Twitter stream included the following comment: “If all the Disney characters in ‘it’s a small world’ waged war on the original dolls, they’d be outnumbered 10 to 1.”

If this is indeed an official statement from Disney, then it is highly significant for two reasons. First, it is Disney’s first admission that the original “it’s a small world” characters are not Disney characters! How can this be? Who owns the rights? When do they expire? Are there tiny, highly repetitive, mind-numbing royalties to be paid?

And second, this is also the first time that Disney has admitted that the Disney characters within the attraction do indeed intend to wage war against the innocent singing children! Certainly, rumors of this kind of insurrection have been flitting about Fantasyland like so much confetti after a parade-float explosion, but until this time there has been no verification. Could this be the reason that guests are so carefully searched for weapons before entering the park? Does it help shed some light on the violent ejection of the Country Bears after building tension between them and the Song of the South critters? And was “iasm” really the inspiration for the movie Child’s Play”? We have no idea. Only time will tell. Post your updates in the comments!

April fools fallout

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

This morning, there was significant confusion at Disneyland due to fallout from yesterday’s April Fools prank. The situation is complicated, so we’ll pretend to let official Disneyland Resort Blog Liaison Furby Pencilneck explain.

Says Pencilneck, “As everyone and their parakeet knows, Disneyland Resort has been playing little ‘April Fools’ tricks on its guests since Walt first started the tradition back in ’55 by telling his TV audience that the park’s opening day would be April 1. Originally, our idea was to have a cross promotion with this year’s prank and the new Alice in Wonderland film. We’d have folks in Alice-style costumes standing near the entrance armed with paintball guns, and anyone who came into the park who had the last name ‘Rose’ would be shot with hundreds of rounds of red paint. ‘Painting the Roses red,’ get it? Well, at the last minute there was some concern that guests would get upset because we were asking everyone’s last names or that the red paint might not be environmentally safe, so the plan was scrapped. There wasn’t a lot of time left to think of a replacement, so what one of the executives thought was that since the park was scheduled to open at 8 a.m. and close at midnight, wouldn’t it be funny to swap those and open at noon and close at 8 p.m.? It was simple and it would get some news mention, so we went with that.

“Well, the opening staff got the memo that they were to swap the opening and closing times as a prank, but apparently it was ambiguously worded, because instead of swapping the ‘8’ and ‘12’, the swapped the ‘open’ and ‘closed.’ So that means that when 8 a.m. came around, they announced that the park was closed, and they didn’t open the gates until midnight.

“Guests seemed to take the joke in the spirit of the day, and they didn’t mind waiting a few extra hours to get into the park, particularly since it meant a chance to enjoy attractions in the middle of the night when they would normally be closed. But behind the scenes it was a mess. Many cast members didn’t appreciate hearing that they had effectively arrived 16 hours early for work and had to wait for midnight for their shift to start. Things even got more confusing today, with yesterday’s fireworks being launched at 9:25 this morning, not long after the park opened to Friday’s guests. And before opening, guests outside the gates wanted to know why they couldn’t get in when there were already so many incredibly tired-looking guests wandering around the park.

“All said, it was a bit of fun that might have caused a little confusion and forced Disney to pay millions of dollars in overtime, but it certainly made many magical memories. Hopefully next year’s prank — making guests use old-style ticket books to get on attractions — will go much more smoothly.”

Snack wars!

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

Yesterday at Knotts Berry Farm, the park tested a new snack item — bacon and chocolate funnel cakes — to see how well guests liked them. Apparently they were very well received — so much so that management at Disneyland, only a few miles away, became aware of it.

“Is this the beginning of a snack-food arms race? Could be.” says Traci Ranksmeller, a little person who lost her bus fare and now lives inside a Disneyland concessions cart. “This morning, Disneyland began selling a new product, Chocolate Churro Turkey Legs. I don’t know if it’s a permanent offering or a test, like Knotts, but it definitely seems like a response. In any case, I predict that they’ll be more popular than last Christmas’ Peppermint Chimichangas.”

The many adventures of George Kalogridis

Monday, March 15th, 2010

There was an article in yesterday’s Orange County Register (“All the news that’s fit to register a county orange”) about Disneyland Resort president George “George” Kalogridis. It’s a pretty glowing article, with a focus on how Kalogridis — who began his Disney career as one of the “mole men” working the tunnels beneath Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom, never seeing the light of day or hearing a kind word — hasn’t forgotten what it’s like to be a front-line cast member.

“Kalogridis spent last Thanksgiving in Disneyland, working as one of the park’s many irreplaceable but oft-forgotten balloon polishers,” says the article if you listen closely enough. “He ended the day with tired fingers, a face bruised by exploding vinyl, and a big smile. It is Kalogridis’s goal to try every job in the park, from ticket seller to Imagineer. ‘I’d like to design a roller coaster,’ said Kalogridis, ‘and then be one of the guys who builds it, and then a cast member who runs it, and then an EMT who helps guests who rode on it, and finally an inspector who chastises me for not building it to code. That would be quite an adventure! Too bad that, as a manager, I’d never hire someone as inexperienced as me to design a Disneyland attraction, and even if I did, acting as a member of HR I’d have to fire myself for incompetence.’ As part of his quest for job experience, guests in Disneyland next week will be able to find Kalogridis playing Mary Poppins in the noon parade.”

Shermans’ window

Saturday, March 13th, 2010

Last week, the Sherman brothers were honored with their own window on Disneyland’s Main Street. The Sherman’s are — in case you are deaf, are one of those heathens who prefers Magic Mountain, or have forgotten — the creators of such classic Disneyland songs as “The Tiki Tiki Tiki Room,” “There’s a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow,” and “It’s a Small World.”

Their window reads, “Sherman Brothers Trepanation. You Can’t Get Us Out of Your Head.”