Archive for the ‘Disneyland’ Category

Top 10 Tips for Visiting Disneyland When You’re Pregnant

Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

Heading to the Disneyland Resort while in the later stages of pregnancies? Here are a few tips you might find handy:

  1. Before going, memorize where all the restrooms are. All of them. Even the secret ones. Even the men’s rooms. (You’ll be glad you did.)
  2. Make your husband/partner/kids carry everything. You’re already hauling a baby around!
  3. Avoid anything that might make you nauseated (broccoli in restaurants, fake smells piped onto Main Street, princesses).
  4. Gloat about how you managed to sneak your unborn child into the park for free.
  5. Fantasize about giving birth right in front of the Partners statue and getting a free lifetime pass for your baby.
  6. Take a funny picture with a child’s Mickey Mouse ears hat and strapped to your stomach or with your tummy next to a “You must be this tall to enter” sign.
  7. Don’t allow yourself to be persuaded by internet rumors about how a couple of rides on the Tower of Terror can knock a full month off your due date.
  8. Ask if you can go on an attraction a second time without staying in line because you’re “riding for two.”
  9. Although it may be tempting to rest a popcorn bucket on your belly while sitting at the curb and waiting for a parade, don’t do it — if the baby kicks, there will be popcorn everywhere.
  10. Look for baby name inspiration! Mickey! Minnie! Pooh! Mulan! Rafiki! Chernabog! Main Street Station! They’re all wonderful, perfect, Disney-fan-child names!

Bonus tip for the emotionally needy: Go on the Jungle Cruise and when you see the elephants say “is that what I look like now?” and start crying. You’ll receive massive sympathy! Even from strangers! Near the end of the ride, when you’re sufficiently calmed down, point to the baby elephant near the dock, say “Is that what my baby’s going to look like?” and start the whole thing over again. (We admit that this doesn’t make much sense, but you can get an incredible amount of comfort and attention.)

Top Ten Disneyland Dining Tips

Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

Looking to get the best dining value and experience during your Disneyland Resort vacation? Here are our top 10 tips for making your Disneyland dining supercaloriefragiledeliciousexpenseanddessertious!

1. Get a priority seating

If there’s a particular restaurant you want to experience at a particular time without much of a wait, then getting a priority seating is incredibly important. Just call Disney Dining line (714-781-EGOD) exactly 60 days before you want to eat and let them know when you’d like to visit, how many adults and children will be in your party, what you’ll be eating, what you’re celebrating, any special food needs you have, where you’d like to sit, and how generously you tip. That’s all there is to it!

Remember, you can get a priority seating for any of the table-service restaurants, and can also order food ahead for pickup at counter-service restaurants and food carts. There’s nothing like walking up to a popcorn cart knowing that the popcorn’s already made and waiting for you!

2. Do your research

There’s nothing worse than knowing that mealtime is approaching but you have no idea where you want to go to eat. Before making your meal plans, research what restaurants are near to the attractions you want to experience around meal time. Then select the restaurant that sounds best to you, think about the people in your party, and ask yourself these questions? Is there something here that everyone can eat? Will everyone enjoy the theme? Will the atmosphere match our mood? What will everyone say when I tell them where we are eating? Does it matter all that much what everyone else thinks? Do they really have a right to complain when I’m the one planning everything? Why are they all such a bunch of complainers?

3. Eat at unpopular times

This is our favorite tip of them all (which is why we put it in the coveted third position)! You can have a more carefree dining experience if you avoid the crowds by eating at unpopular times. For example, have breakfast before any of the restaurants open, have lunch for dinner, and then have breakfast again for lunch! You can also visit a crowded restaurant during the dinner rush and only order soft drinks — that’s definitely unpopular!

4. Coordinate dining with park hours, early entry, and FASTPASS times

Timing is so important that we have to mention it twice! To fine-tune your meal timing make sure you:

  • Avoid making in-park dining reservations for times that the park is closed.
  • If early entry is available, you can have breakfast while other guests are either unable to get into the park or are wasting their time in lines that haven’t even had time to become entertainingly long.
  • Trick other guests by getting a FASTPASS for a popular attraction and then eating during the FASTPASS return window when everyone else expects you to be on a ride.

5. Lie about your age

If you don’t have a priority seating, you might be able to get a castmember to let you skip the line (or at least convince other guests to give you “cuts” in line) by claiming that you are either near death or a little baby.

You can also save money by claiming that you are young enough to order off the children’s menu (although you may need to pretend that you are several children in order to get enough food to feel full).

6. Eat on the go

Avoid the wait for a table by ordering your Blue Bayou Cajun monte cristo sandwich or Club 33 panda-fillet sliders in a handy “to go” bag.

7. Bring money

It’s a well-known fact that massive bribery can get you better food, better service, and a better table. Unfortunately, it’s also well known that the previous rule doesn’t apply to Disneyland where everything is fair and incorruptible. Even so, it is suggested that you bring plenty of money when dining in the resort in order to avoid delays caused by searching for your wallet, being chased down by a recently stiffed member of the wait staff, and filling out boring police reports.

8. Look for discounts

You likely won’t find them, but looking can be fun.

9. Remember the freebies!

If money’s tight, remember that there are plenty of free items available in or near Disneyland eateries, including water, condiments, coffee additives, napkins, and things people you wish aren’t going to finish.

10. Try new or “under the radar” restaurants

When popular eateries are overcrowded, try some of the lesser-known resort dining offerings, such as the Jungle Dinner Cruise, Cars Land’s Grease Rack, and the trunk of your car where you left the cooler full of Subway sandwiches.

Line Free Monday!

Monday, April 1st, 2013

Sorry for the late-breaking news, but our inside sources have discovered that today — Monday — Disneyland will be inviting annual passholders to beta test a new service: Line Free.

Line Free isn’t a new version of FASTPASS; it’s an entirely new system. Guests who have a Line Free RFID wristband will be able to enter any attraction — Star Tours, Space Mountain, Peter Pan, Dumbo, or anything else — without waiting in line. This isn’t a separate line or a single rider line, but a guarantee that when you want to ride, there will be no line at all! Just walk on — no waiting!

The wristband will work for food locations as well. Want a churro? There’s no line. Popcorn? No line. Dinner at the Blue Bayou? Just walk on in and your food is already at the table, waiting for you. Character autographs are equally easy to get; show your wristband, step in front of the other guests, and get Alice’s autograph while the curses of the less privileged roll off your back like river water off a feral duck. When the program leaves beta and becomes generally available, it will even work for park entry, retail locations, parades, hotel rooms, and restrooms! Even posted park hours won’t apply!

There is no way to sign up for the Line Free beta ahead of time. For one day only, randomly selected annual passholders will be invited to participate in the test when they enter Disneyland park. If you visit the park but are not invited to participate, we suggest that you exit the park (do not get a hand stamp!) and re-enter, showing your valid annual pass again. Repeat until you are selected. You may get some funny looks from cast members at the gate and/or be questioned by security, but believe us — if you follow these instructions, you won’t be waiting in line for any attractions!

Golden Horseshoe returns!

Thursday, January 3rd, 2013

During 2013, Disneyland and Walt Disney World will be holding a number of “Limited Time Magic” events to delight guests. Each of these events will be available for a short period on days when the parks are closing early (hence the “Limited Time” moniker).

The first of these events at Disneyland is the return of the original Golden Horseshoe Revue show to the Golden Horseshoe Saloon for four weeks beginning January 10. The show will use the original script, just as it was premiered in 1955, but as the original performers are not currently available, all parts will be performed by Billy Hill and the Hillbillies. This is made possible by the fact that no more than four characters are ever on stage at the time, and allows for lower production costs as fiddle-playing dancing girls make the hiring of a band unnecessary. Said lead Hillbilly Billy, “I have these hilarious fake buckteeth that will add a memorable new dimension to my portrayal of Slue Foot Sue, and you ain’t lived until you’ve heard my dulcet rendition of ‘Billy Up to the Bar’ and seen what we’re calling our Can’t Can’t Dancers.”

The show is expected to be intensely popular with lines anticipated to stretch well into the Rivers of America. To help alleviate this, one show each day is going to be a $35 dinner show with guaranteed seating. These shows are available only to annual passholders who can prove that they saw the show during its original run. The dinner will be a fixed menu of food reminiscent of the original Frontierland, including corn chips from Casa de Fritos, Davy Crockett “raccoon” burgers, Pepsi, and toothpicks made from wood from the original Fort Wilderness. All guests will receive a souvenir boot-shaped mug filled with replicas of Wally Boag’s teeth, suitable for spitting.

As a special treat during the dinner shows, the part of Pecos Bill will be played by actor and comedian Steve Martin, a close personal friend of the original Pecos. The participation of Mr. Martin in this event is being kept strictly secret, for fear that it will cause a massive rush for tickets. Because of this, it has not been reported to the media, can’t be verified, won’t be announced, isn’t something we’re going to admit having reported, and you didn’t read it here.

Update: Fifteen minutes after this post went live, the Golden Horseshoe dinner shows sold out completely.

A Visit from St. Nicholas

Friday, December 14th, 2012

At a recent performance of the Candlelight Processional at Disneyland, we noticed that the text of A Visit from St. Nicholas (read this year by Tim Allen) had been slightly altered. It appears that Disney has found it necessary to update the text due to societal values that had changed somewhat since the poem was originally written. The table below shows the text as read in the performance, along with the societal concern that necessitated adjusting the text.

Societal Concern Poem Text
  ‘T was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Rodent infestation Not a creature was stirring, including my spouse;
  The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
  In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
   
  The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
Delusions; childhood obesity While dreams of organic food danced in their heads;
  And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Body part reference; cohabitation Got into separate beds for a long winter’s nap.
   
  When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Cohabitation I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Reference to character trademarked by D.C. Comics Away to the window I flew just like Dash,
Unintentionally funny wording Tore open the shutters and lifted the sash.
   
Adult content The moon on the chest of the new-fallen snow
  Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
  When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
  But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
   
Ageism With a wise little driver, so lively and quick,
  I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
  More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
  And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
   
Adult content “Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Fixen!
Pagan deity; bad rhyme On, Comet! on, Newkid! on, Donder and Blixen!
  To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
  Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
   
Frightening natural disasters As dry leaves that before the wild summer breeze fly,
  When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
  So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
  With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
   
  And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
  The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
  As I drew in my head, and was turning ag’in,
Home invasion Down the chimney he came (I’d invited him in).
   
Animal cruelty He was dressed all in red, from his head to his foot,
Slovenliness And his clothes were untarnished by ashes and soot;
  A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
  And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
   
  His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
Ravages of alcoholism His cheeks were like roses, his nose was cute, very!
  His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
  And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
   
Smoking Some sugarless gum he held tight in his teeth,
More smoking And the fake fur encircled his head like a wreath;
Obesity He had a kind face and a typical belly,
Obesity That shook when he laughed at a joke you might tell-y.
   
Obesity; ageism; mythical creatures He was happy and well, so jolly and mature,
  And I laughed when I saw his distinctive nature;
Accidentally frightening Exorcist reference A wink of his eye and a turn of his head,
Potentially disquieting reference to "dread" Soon gave me to know I should go back to bed.
   
  He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Slapstick reference to physical disability And filled all the stockings like a careful clerk,
Behavior that shouldn’t be imitated And curling his finger so that it was bent,
  And giving a nod, up the chimney he went.
   
  He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
  And away they all flew like the down of a thistle,
  But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
Cultural insensitivity “Happy holidays to all, and to all a good-night.”

We hasten to note that Disney made no changes at all to the story of the first Christmas (which was beautifully performed by Ahmed Best in the delightful, child-pleasing voice he used in the Star Wars prequels).

Happy 12 day!

Wednesday, December 12th, 2012

In an unexpected surprise move, today — 12/12/12 — at 12:12, for 12 minutes and 12 seconds, Disneyland had $12 admission prices for parties of 12, guests entering the park were greeted by Snow White and five extra dwarves, churros were 12 for a dollar, and only 12 attractions were operating!

Annotated Fantasy Faire

Monday, December 3rd, 2012

Although we will never forget Disneyland’s wonderful Carnation Garden Plaza thing, we have to admit that we are becoming increasingly excited about the Fantasy Faire area that is currently under construction. After speaking with various individuals who insist that they are Disneyland Imagineers and/or Napoleon Bonaparte, we have learned that the FF will have a wide variety of interesting interactive elements, entertainments, and attractions that should appeal to guests of all ages.

To help bring home the wonderful diversity of this new area, we have photographed an artist’s interpretation of Fantasy Faire and labeled each of the new attractions for your reference.

You will want to click the image and view it at full size in order to read the text.

Annotated Disneyland Fantasy Faire (click to enlarge)

Churro hats!

Friday, October 26th, 2012

I don’t know why there isn’t more buzz about this online, but Disneyland is now selling adorable churro hats! Each one is in the shape of traditional Mickey Mouse ears, but decorated with a cool pattern or in the style of a popular Disney character, and they’re sized to fit perfectly on your churro.

Here’s a Chernabog churro hat we picked up:

Stylish Chernabog churro hat

Collect ‘em all for some super-stylish eating!

Halloween favorites

Thursday, October 25th, 2012

This year’s Halloween party at Disneyland is a big success, and the DisneyLies team enjoyed it thoroughly. Our five favorite things that were new for the party this year are:

  • Rotating Innoventions building full of treat stations so guests can just stand still and collect candy as it passes by
  • Many Disney characters in their Halloween costumes (Count Donald Duckula, Goofy Bane, Bambi the Vampire Slayer, etc.)
  • Frontierland’s Flaming Pumpkin-Head Trebuchet
  • Pitch-dark Jungle Cruise
  • Tarzan’s Treathouse

Churro through the head

Wednesday, October 24th, 2012

We haven’t posted much of late because we are hard at work on the new DisneyLies book (which will be released in November — just in time for December!) However, we did attend Mickey’s Halloween Party yesterday and wanted to share our glorious success with you.

Almost the entire DisneyLies.com was there, and we made a big splash with this year’s Official DisneyLies Halloween Costume — the “churro through the head.” Here’s what it looked like:

You will be pleased to know that this official DisneyLies designed headgear is easy to make at home with just a wire hanger and any old churro you happen to have lying around. If you make your own and send us a picture, we’ll be happy to share it with the rest of our readers.

More news coming soon (really!)