Archive for the ‘DCA’ Category

World of Color Blogger Protests!

Monday, May 24th, 2010

Our close, personal, online semi-acquaintances over at Theme Park Adventure have gone public with a blog post in which they make exactly, precisely clear why they will not be attending the Disney press event for the opening of World of Color at Disney’s California Adventure. It is an impassioned, gut-wrenching, tale of intrigue, betrayal, and abandonment revolving around Disney’s miserly withholding of all but one ticket to this press event. To quote from an imaginary but thematically related blog post, “Bleh!”

After due consideration, we at DisneyLies.com have decided to join Theme Park Adventure in not going to the premier of this new entertainment, not just because we feel that Disney should have more important considerations that cost and capacity when planning these events, but also because they even went so far as to never send us an invitation in the first place. Some might ask why a site such as DisneyLies that prefers to stay completely off Disneyland’s radar (in order to maintain our journalistic “integrity”) would even want an invitation, but there’s a big difference between desiring not to be sued into oblivion and not wanting to accept cool free stuff! In fact, if Disney would spend more time sending us awesome things we don’t need but can brag about out sell on eBay, perhaps we wouldn’t have felt the need to publish such articles as our recent “Robert Iger, Secret Zombie?” and “The Ducks of Disneyland: Their Diseases, Mutations, and Homicidal Urges.”

And we’re not the only ones joining in this protest. DisneyLies contacted (though secret means known only to professional bloggers) other prominent online content developers and asked if they would be attending this premier if offered only a single ticket. The response was incredible, ranging from “You’re aware that I live in Florida, right?” to “Why are you even writing to me?” to “554 permanent problems with the remote server.” Truly the online community has spoken!

We received one particularly impassioned reply from Peter “the Pan” Poultry at the Attraction Watchdog in Mom’s Basement Report: “There was a time when Disney would invite media from all over the country to fly down to Disneyland at their expense to attend grand parties for events as minor as the unveiling of a new Main Street trash-can paint scheme. They’d provide catered meals to us and as many guests as we could cram in a hotel suite, showing us an awesome time in return for a few choice ‘unbiased’ words on our blog. But now that the cheapskates have take over at Disney — quoting excuses about ‘shareholder value’ and ‘the economy,’ whatever that is — you’re lucky to get so much as a free jacket or tote bag to go along with your invitation. And the press events are toned down to the point that they hardly even have open bars any more, and how are you supposed to report on this kind of thing when you are sober? And just one invitation is just stupid. I need two assistants just to manage my luggage and churros. I’ll bet that if someone at ABC News wanted more than one pass they’d get it. It’s like those guys have some kind of secret ‘in’ with Disney or something.”

Now, some of you will say that Disney has every right to manage its press events as it pleases, or point out that even though original estimates for World of Color’s capacity were estimated at 9,000, they turned out to be more like 6,000 with viewing spots that have perfect conditions numbering in the dozens and this means that ideally only a limited number of press should attend. But what about history? What about loyalty? Theme Park Adventure has been reporting on Disney for almost-16 years, and DisneyLies.com has been at it for 7 (14 in dog years). But that’s nothing compared to some of the people that Disney snubbed on this occasion.

Let’s look at the grassroots Disney fan who I’m sure we can all agree is most deserving of an invitation to this grand event. Helena VanDerMcVonO’Donalley has been President of the Northern Arizona Mickey Mouse Club Fan Club from its inception back in 1955. Since that time, she has delivered the venerable “NAMMC FaCluNe: The Northern Arizona Mickey Mouse Club Fan Club Newsletter,” in hand-typed form to everyone on her dwindling list of fan-club members almost without fail whenever time and health permits. But did she receive an invitation to the World of Color premier? No. Although Helena was unable to comment on the situation (do to a persistent vegetative coma that overtook her in 2003), she is certainly disappointed. And even if she had been invited, would Disney have insisted that she be content with a single pass? Couldn’t she bring her nurse? Or her husband’s remains? Or someone to push her hospital bed around for her? And what if she had wanted to attend with her sons, Mickey and Donald, or her daughters, Minnie, Pluto, and Goofy, two of whom are not on speaking terms with her for reasons the family says should be obvious but who might have wanted to finally end their silly feud and allow Helen’s final days to be lived in familial unity if World of Color premier tickets were in the offering? But no, Disney would rather leave Helen and those like her to their misery rather than make the DCA lake a little bigger to accommodate everyone that really deserves to be included at this historic event.

So, in closing, good for you, Theme Park Adventure for sticking to your guns and rejecting an invitation that is really nothing more than a backhandedly flattering, highly desirable insult. We at DisneyLies will proudly not attend the event with you.

(Unless we’re invited, of course.)

World of Color removed from World of Color

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

Disney corporate commander Bob “Robert” Iger was recently treated to a preview of DCA’s new “World of Color” water extravaganza. Apparently, according to unnamed individuals who just happened to be operating a high-tech listening device pointed in his direction from a balcony of the Paradise Pier hotel, Iger generally enjoyed the show but was displeased that it was based around the theme song from the old “The Wonderful World of Color” television show.

Apparently, Iger is worried that the old theme song will seem out of place with the park’s shiny new retro look. Fortunately, Imagineers were up to the task of a last-minute retooling of the attraction. The old theme song has been replaced with Lady GaGa’s “Just Dance.” In addition, a scene of Mickey dancing with cards from “Thru the Mirror” has been reworked to feature snippets of “Poker Face,” and Beauty and the Beast dance to “Bad Romance.”

“Now that gets my toes tapping!” said Iger (as reported by a distant lip reader with binoculars). There is no word on whether there is time to change the show’s name from World of Color to World of GaGa before opening night.

Midway Mania Update

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

DCA’s Toy Story Midway Mania attraction was designed so that its games could be updated as times changed or to celebrate certain holidays (such as February 14th’s heart-shaped targets in the attraction’s opening sequence, and the green army men’s stirring recreation of the 1944 Normandy invasion last Memorial Day). That system is really going to be put to the test come June 18, when the entire contents of the attraction will be replaced by the new film Toy Story 3!

Said Paula M. Poster (an honest-to-goodness, official, board-certified, Disney Imagineer who operates out of the trunk of a rusty Ford Pinto on Katella Avenue), “They’re just going to run the whole movie — in 3D! — on a continuous loop all day in the attraction. Guests will be able to watch the whole thing for free — free! — with a paid admission. The only downside is that they have to enjoy the free movie in five- to six-minute chunks so with average wait times it’ll take about 11 hours to see the whole thing. But it’s free!”

Hurry over to eBay!!!

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010

As all Disney fans know, the “Mickey loop” was recently removed from DCA’s California Screamin’ coaster. What you may not know is that Disney has put the Mickey loop up for sale on eBay!!! With free shipping!!! It’s a short auction and I didn’t notice it until just now. There are only a few hours left and the bidding is still only in the low three digits. Hurry and get your bid in immediately! Remember how sad you were when you lost out on your chance to bid on the entire contents of Superstar Limo? Or the tragedy of not hearing about the Orange Stinger “peel” auction until it was long gone? Don’t let another opportunity pass you by!!!

Electrical Parade on the move!

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

Disney has announced that this summer the Main Street Electrical Parade will be moving from Disney’s California Adventure to Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom. DCA mega-fans (both of them) were very upset to hear this news. “That parade’s a California tradition,” said Paris Dicepeer, a Disney annual passholder that visits DCA so often that she has twice been arrested for stalking. “It started in California, so it should stay in California, even if it’s in a different park in California, don’t take the parade from its home!” (She might have said more, but at that point burst into tears, drenching her churro.)

Why is the parade moving? Few will be surprised that the root cause is cost. Said Press Contact, Disneyland Press Relations press contact for the press, “Last year Disney teamed with Sylvania to completely rework and upgrade the electrical parade. Together, we spent more than 1.5 billion dollars replacing all the light bulbs with tiny curlicue energy-efficient bulbs and installing motion sensors so that parade floats would go dark when nobody is in the room. After all that, we didn’t have budget left to upgrade the electrical connectivity system, which has an old two-prong wall plug. The only facility Disney has with a two-prong plug is in an old warehouse in Florida’s Magic Kingdom, so with the budget being so tight our only options are move the parade to Florida to be closer to its power source, or spend another summer babysitting an enormous extension cord.”

Budget has also been cited as the explanation for why Tokyo DisneySea’s new Fantasmic! show will share a cast with Disneyland’s Fantasmic! Said one very tired looking manager, “With the difference in time zones, it’s really not that big a deal.”

Up Over South America

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

If you’re a big fan of Soarin’ Over California, you’d better make plans to get to DCA before it’s gone forever! Disney announced today that Soc (as fans of footwear like to call it) will be closed in early 2011 to be replaced by an entirely new attraction, Up Over South America.

In the new attraction, guests — after receiving safety instructions from a talking dog — will enter a “house” in which are rows of what appear to be overstuffed chairs. Once they’ve buckled themselves in, enormous “balloons” will appear over the house, and the rows of chairs will be lifted into the air where a gigantic IMAX-size screen will play a film that, when combined with special motion-control apparatus hidden within the balloons, will make guests feel that they are being gently lifted (as in the Pixar short of the same name). In their chairs, guests will feel like they are flying out of town, through a storm (with real rain and lightning!), and to a vast South-American plateau where they will see exotic friendly birds, be attacked by an addled puppy-loving nut in a dirigible, and meet an old man who is hopelessly preoccupied by some dead lady.

Says DCA spokesperson Wendy Illusory (on condition of our pretending that she really exists), “This will be a gentle ride, suitable for the whole family aside from those with fears of heights, balloons, furniture, and dogs. Up Over South America will be like nothing that has ever been in a Disney park before! Well, except for Soarin’, but we’re taking that out. Seriously, we need to get more Pixar stuff in here quick before people stop coming to the park altogether. We’re not talking about the Brother Bear and the Bow play area yet, though, so don’t even mention it until after that movie comes out, okay? Same goes for the John Carter Warlord of Marzipan candy store overlay.”

Clean the water!

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

In response to guest complaints, DCA will make an effort to feature more water in its central lake. “We’d been using the area for storage of equipment, pipes, and stuff like that,” said some random guy in a hard hat. “Honestly, we didn’t think guests would even notice as they ran to Midway Mania.”

But guests did notice, and DCA promises to clean up its act. Now if they can just locate the old Golden Dreams building (which was misplaced some time in the late 2009), things can start getting back to normal.

In a Pirates League of their own

Monday, April 27th, 2009

Beginning in late June, guests of the Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World will be able to visit “The Pirates League” in Adventureland and receive a pirate “makeover”. Says someone on the street pretending to be a Disney spokesperson, “It’s like Bibbidi Bobbidi Botique, but with less lace and more hooks, and the only hair they worry about is on your chest.”

Guests wishing to join the Pirates League enter the League’s secret headquarters in Adventureland, ask their parents to hand over some “bootie” (possibly in the form of a “credit c-arr-d”), and are assigned a pirate name (in the form of “Captain [first name] [animal],” “[adjective] [first name] [color],” or “Mr. [nonsense word that sounds like a sneeze].” Then, after taking a binding pirate oath by which they acknowledge that their new appearance will be ©Disney, then move into the “pirate’s den” for a complete “keel haul” (the pirate word for a makeover).

Three options are available:

  • First Mate Package ($50): Bandana, earring, eye patch, fake teeth, striped shirt, facial scar, sword, choice of false limb, stuffed parrot
  • Pirate Princess Package ($75): Just like the First Mate package, but more expensive because it’s for girls and has “princess” in the name.
  • Captain Package ($150): Everything that’s in the First Mate package, plus a pirate outfit, a real talking parrot, and a curse from an actual piece of forbidden treasure.
  • Pirate King Package ($750): Everything that’s in the Captain package, plus an upgraded sword, a “pirate coin” necklace, the right to “plunder” one car in the parking lot, and never see your parents again.

Olympic Trivia!

Friday, August 8th, 2008

Here’s a bit of Olympic/Disney trivia for you: Did you know that the Olympic opening ceremony in Beijing actually cost more to produce than it originally cost to build Disney’s California Adventure? It’s true!

10 Best at Disney’s California Adventure

Friday, July 18th, 2008

As an adjunct to yesterday’s list of the best things at Disneyland (and to maintain editorial balance), we now list the 10 Best Things at Disney’s California Adventure (also mercilessly stolen from the Web site we mentioned yesterday and then rewritten beyond recognizability).

  1. Being the first to run to “a bug’s land” and see if Francis’ Ladybug Boogie is actually working.
  2. Riding The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror with an open bucket of popcorn.
  3. Running wind sprints through the Redwood Creek Challenge Trail and then visiting Brother Bear’s cave and telling everyone that your totem animal is “a sweat hog.”
  4. Activating Toy Story Midway Mania’s devistating “atomic bomb” secret target for a million points.
  5. Eating a gigantic lunch and then endlessly riding one of the moving cars on the Sun Wheel.
  6. Sitting in Playhouse Disney — Live on Stage! and pretending that you have the mind of a four-year-old.
  7. Visiting the Mission Tortilla Factory and asking why the tortillas have to be so flat and lifeless when the bread across the street at the Boudin Bakery is so nice and fluffy.
  8. Seasons of the Vine — possibly the most entertaining and instructional interactive edutainment on any Disney property; a true classic that will surely stand the test of time and be heralded as a delight to young and old alike (now closed).
  9. Using the computer in Disney Animation’s Sorcerer’s Workshop to see what Disney character is most like Hitler.
  10. $1.2 billion in upcoming improvements.