Disney Lies

I recently was told by guest relations at Disney’s California Adventure Park that they will be soon creating another statue of Walt Disney just like the one in Disneyland but instead of an old Walt Disney a young one! This will be just one of the new additions made to California Adventure park.

This is absolutely true! In keeping with the new theme that is being imposed upon Disney’s California Adventure, a new statue is being created depicting the young Walt Disney visiting California for the first time. Because Walt first visited the Golden State on a family trip when he was five, the statue will depict five-year-old Walt in knickers, a long-sleeved shirt, and cap holding a lollypop that’s as big as his head.

In this fanciful depiction, Walt is meeting an equally young Mickey Mouse for the first time. The statue of young Mickey will be posed with pen in hand as he signs Walt’s autograph book.

Our mole in the Disney Placemaking department ensures us that great pains are being taken to make sure that the statue is historically accurate in every detail. Young Walt will have a slight bruise on one elbow, showing where he hurt his arm in a minor velocipede accident. Young Mickey will look less like the mouse of today, and more like a costume hastily borrowed from a low-budged Ice Capades production.

Several readers have written to ask what the small wooden structures being built on DCA’s Paradise Pier are. Sorry to disappoint, but it’s nothing too exciting. It’s just the low-cost housing for Disney cast members that has been in the Orange County press so much in recent months.

Plans for Disney’s California Adventure’s remake clearly show that Maliboomer is going to be replaced — probably with shade trees, benches, and an interactive fountain. The Save Maliboomer organization has arisen to protest the destruction of one of DCA’s most visible attractions.

“We don’t want Maliboomer to end up like Mr. Lincoln, mothballed, forgotten, and rented out to frat parties for petty change,” said Save Maliboomer founder, Larry “Boomer” Lawrence. “They can retheme the attraction if they like, by giving it a new soundtrack or adding cool stickers to the barf shields or something. But close it down? No way!”

Lawrence, whose organization’s members number in the low single digits (if you include his girlfriend), plans to have a Web page up as soon as he has a chance, what with him having been moved to the night shift at Costco and all. The site will have up-to-the-week information and an online petition that Lawrence is pretty sure will be legally binding on Disney.

Last week, visitors to Disney's California Adventure got a chance to view the new Muppet Mobile Labs, a two-wheeled vehicle on which ride muppets Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker. The muppets performed a brief show during which they interacted with guest and conducted various experiments (for example, seeing which of a variety of dangerous contraptions Beaker could escape from before they exploded).

There were a number of technical problems that need to be worked out before this becomes a permanent addition to DCA. Apparently, the two (very short) puppeteers who work within the vehicle had a difficult time operating the puppets, responding to guests, and driving while simultaneously keeping their balance. Said one puppeteer, "Sure, a two-wheeled vehicle looks all cool and scientific, but it's a pain in the ass. If one of us so much as coughs, it falls over, and they take the repair costs out of our pay."

Look for Muppet Mobile Labs to appear on DCA's regular schedule sometime later this year (possibly with the addition of a third wheel).

From April 27 to May 20, 2007, Disney’s California Adventure will be hosting Disney’s California Food and Wine Weekends. Look for the alcohol content to be kicked up in all edibles (including churros) and free refills on vino-filled souvenir sipper cups. Guests who have a little too much to drink will be encouraged to ride Mullholland Madness as an object lesson in the dangers of drinking and driving.