Disney Lies

Quite a debate is raging within the halls of Disney over Giselle, main character of Disney’s Enchanted. Apparently, Disney’s promotion department is referring to Giselle as the “newest addition to Disney’s stable of princesses,” but the feature film department — which actually created the film — says that this seriously misleads the public.

“Giselle isn’t a princess,” says Helena Joybounty, animation keyframe studio art direction lead in charge of royalty. “She was going to marry a prince but married a lawyer instead. So saying she’s a princess is like calling someone First Lady just because she once dated George Bush, which would be giving her unearned airs instead of the sympathy she justly deserves.”

“If she gets to be a princess, so do I,” said Alice in Wonderland in a recent off-camera interview. “And while we’re at it, what’s with calling Pocahontas a princess? She was the chief’s daughter, but does that make her a princess? It’s like calling Mulan a princess — which some people do — but she just married a general, right? This whole thing’s just out of control.”

Giselle, being fictional, was not available for comment.

Disney has commissioned rogue photographer Annie Leibovitz to create another series of photos in which celebrities are depicted as Disney characters. Last year’s photos included Miley Cyrus as Cinderella, Jimmy Kimmel as Prince Phillip, and Alice Cooper as Alice in Wonderland (with the Olson twins as Tweedles Dum and Dee).

The new series has Stephen Colbert as King Arthur, Shrek as the Blue Fairy, and the artist formerly known as Prince as Snow White.

Quoting from an ABC “Eyewitness News” report:

Many Floridians say they see something on a pizza pan that’s nothing short of magical. And now, hundreds of Disney fans are flocking to an east Orlando house to get a peek.

Apparently, they’re serving something special at the cafeteria of Pu Elementary. On Ash Wednesday, a school employee was washing and scrubbing a sheet pan when she noticed something.

“On the third rinse I started watching it, trying to discover what it was,” she recalled.

So moved by the discovery, she took the pan to her manager, who said, “I know it’s something good for this community, and especially for this school.”

What the women saw was an image that is unmistakable to them. It drew so much attention the pan was moved to a nearby home, where it has become the center of what almost amounts to a shrine.

“It’s Sally from Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas,” said one visiting Disney fan. “At first I thought it was Snow White, but the long neck, the full hair — it has to be Sally.”

Another of the Disney faithful said, “I think it’s incredible. It’s real Disney magic. I’m no lawyer, but I think it’s probably a copyright violation, too. I don’t know what they’re going to do about that.”

More than 200 came to see “Sally” on Thursday, and dozens more arrived on Friday. A meeting with Disney lawyers was planned for Friday evening.