Not much going on in the way of Disney news today (aside from that big Star Wars announcement), so we thought we’d share one of our favorite photos from a recent visit:
It’s so nice to see the characters wandering the parks (and this definitely explains Tigger’s usually inexplicable odor!)
We were at DCA yesterday doing research and saw the following:
(Apologies for the poor quality of the photos, but we had to snap this quickly as we walked by.)
It is infrequent that we have a complaint about Disney’s costume department, because they generally do a terrific job. They really seemed to have made a misstep in this case, though. As much as we love Guardians of the Galaxy, this costume just doesn’t look that much like Groot to us.
Ever wonder what other Disney fans are thinking? We do. To help us find out, we entered the names of various Disney-related characters, people, and places into Google to see what Google’s auto-complete feature suggested, based on the most popular searches. Here’s a sample of what we found:
Today’s a holiday, so instead of doing actual work we are reposting several examples of the “Greedy Pooh” meme that have been all the rage of late. Enjoy!
During a recent covert nighttime sneak around Disney studios, we discovered the master character database computer on which is detailed in great detail the details of every Disney character since the beginning of time. Each character’s file is crammed full of facts, which the computer uses to generate a mathematical representation of the character that can be used when evaluating proposed new projects. While playing around with these models, we discovered that they obey all the standard mathematical rules. For example, Sleeping Beauty (from the film of the same name) minus Beauty (from the first half of the name of the film with her name) equals Sleepy (from the seven dwarfs) — or, in math terms, “Sleeping Beauty – Beauty = Sleepy,” just as you might expect.
Some additional mathematical investigation revealed the following equations, some of which are quite revealing.
If you are well versed in Disney character math and would like to add some of your own equations in the comments, please feel free to do so. If you think you have spotted an inaccuracy in this list, you are wrong. It has been verified by math.
Today, via secret undistributed shadow press release, the Walt Disney Company announced that it is selling the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers back to the series’ creator, Haim “Haim Sandwich” Saban.
Although it was difficult to hear Disney Press Correspondent Pinky Powers over the cheers of the Disney faithful, she was able to reveal details of the sale. “Disney is in no way regretful for accidentally purchasing the Power Rangers while paying far too much for the Fox Family Channel,” said Powers. “The Rangers are the embodiment of such Disney-approved qualities as equality amongst people of outfits of all colors, and good, clean violence toward giant monsters. In the spirit of helping the Rangers make a smooth transition back to their original family, this morning Disney paid Haim Saban $126 million for his agreement to reacquire the characters, and the Power Rangers were escorted out of Disney’s Hollywood Studios to be debriefed and have their annual passes canceled.”
Although it might sound at first sight like this was an amicable breakup, we could feel that the story stunk of cover-up, leaving a bad taste in our mouth. After the press conference, we confronted Pinky Powers with our suspicions, and she revealed the truth on the condition that we neither use her name nor mention that we got the story from her.
“The real story is that Disney had become completely disenchanted with the Power Rangers,” said Powers. “At first there was this excitement about adding the Rangers to the stable of heroes Disney recently acquired from Marvel. The idea was that there was to be this big reality-style television show with a ‘last hero standing’ kind of theme. A Power Ranger would battle a Marvel hero, with the winner remaining to fight the next opponent until everyone on one team had been beaten. On the first day of taping, the Pink Ranger was set to fight Wasp from the Avengers — kind of a ‘girl fight’ to get the thing going. Pink lasted like three minutes, then Wasp took out Blue in about another five. She took on Green, Yellow, and Red all at once after that, but it was no contest. Wasp was the last hero standing and all the Rangers were crying into their helmets not half an hour before the thing started. Talk about embarrassing! The Hulk, Iron Man, Spider-Man — why couldn’t it have been one of them? At least then it would make more sense. But Wasp? And not just Wasp, but Wasp played by Olivia Munn? Disney couldn’t run from that PR train wreck fast enough.”
All Power Rangers merchandise has been removed from Disney stores, being temporarily replaced by far more profitable empty space.
Direct from the Walt Disney Corporation Secret Archives, deep within the Burbank Atomic Survival Bunker, here is the official list of 100 Things Mickey Mouse Must Never Say:
It has been announced that after the release of Pixar’s newest feature Wall*E, a full-size animatronic Wall*E will be introduced into Disney’s California Adventure! This specially programmed, completely autonomous automaton will drive, make expressive noises, and pick up trash, just like its movie counterpart. Disney management says that it may even be allowed to interact with guests after it has completely cleaned its area of the park.
Unfortunately, just a few days after this news was released, Disney announced that it would be firing a significant number of its animatronics-department staff. This marks an end to Disney’s tradition of developing lifelike figures in-house or (in recent years) of outsourcing much of its animatronics work but not telling anyone. The released staffers will be replaced by specially programmed, completely autonomous Wall*E-style robots.
According to a post over at Molehill Media, Disneyland will soon play host to walk-around versions of Tinker Bell and her direct-to-video fairy friends, just in time to make little girls beg, scream, cry, and/or threaten an embarrassing public tantrum for fairy merchandise!
The five fairies — Tinker Bell, Fawn, Rosetta, Asia and The Black One — will take over Ariel’s Grotto in a jolly “Kick the Mermaid’s Fishy Behind” ceremony some time later this year. So that they will be ready for the rush of young girls with autograph books, wide eyes, and puzzlement over who the new fairies are, Disneyland is currently holding auditions for young women with slight figures between three and five inches in height.
