Archive for the ‘Best & Worst’ Category
Wednesday, April 14th, 2010
- The Incredibles: Particularly the incredible fight scene between Mr. Incredible and Syndrome (it’s a blow-by-blow tribute to the fight scene in John Carpenter’s They Live, by the way).
- The Bear and the Bow: It hasn’t been released yet, but just the idea of Koda from Brother Bear learning to fight and striking back has us all excited.
- Finding Nemo: Based on Verne’s Mysterious Island.
- Ratatouille: Possibly the best film ever in which the title character is eaten.
- Cars: The Gary Numan soundtrack is awesome!
- Monsters, Inc.: Everyone cries when Mike’s mother is killed by “man.”
- (This space intentionally left blank)
Monday, April 12th, 2010
- Actually, we find that it’s best if you leave the park uninjured.
- Bruised ankles from a) standing in line in front of some nearsighted guy with a stroller, or b) psychotic duck attacks.
- Black lung from riding on the Haunted Mansion and accidentally inhaling some former guest’s cremains.
- Pin-trading punctures (commonly from forgetting that you aren’t wearing a lanyard).
- “small world” headache.
- Jungle Cruise pun overexposure.
- Battered wallet.
- Horrible bowel problems, massive weight loss, and eventual death after accidentally ingesting water from the Rivers of America.
Friday, April 9th, 2010
- Adventure Thru Inner Space: A perfect example of how you can fit a major attraction in a very, very small space.
- Mine Train Through Nature’s Wonderland: Who can forget the rainbow-flavored cavern or the Fess-Parker-shaped cactus?
- The Flying Saucers: Novel and thrilling! (Too bad they caused cancer.)
- Carousel of Progress: This massive animatronic presentation taught the science of electricity to a whole generation of kids. It was replaced by the (sadly short lived) Carousel of the Feynman Lectures in Physics.
- Rocket Rods: It turns out that a vehicle powered by army-surplus rockets just won’t stay on the old PeopleMover track.
- Mike Fink Keel Boats: So named for their tendency to “keel over.”
- Skyway to the Parking Lot: Unless you parked right next to it, really not all that convenient.
Wednesday, April 7th, 2010
- “Yo Ho (A Pirate’s Life for Me)”: Few people realize that the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction was originally sponsored by Life cereal.
- “Baroque Hoedown”: The Main Street Electrical Parade’s familiar theme is probably the best thing Kraftwerk ever did.
- “it’s a small world”: Banned in more countries than any other Disney song, but still a classic.
- “Swisskapolka”: Lively, toe-tapping, and far superior to Epcot’s “Norwegiankapolka.”
- “Grim Grinning Ghosts”: Here’s a hair-raising bit of trivia — when the Ohio Players were recording this song, a woman was murdered in the next room and her screams were kept on the soundtrack!!!
- “There’s a Great Big Beautiful Monsanto”: Easily Disney’s biggest musical sell out.
- “The Rikki-Tikki-Tavi Room”: This Tiki Room overlay didn’t last two months.
- “The Ballad of Davy Jones”: It was a horrible mistake to make Pirates of the Caribbean 3 a musical.
- “Stitch’s Great Escape Medley”: Mostly autotuned slobbering noises, this song somehow musically conjures the smell of bad chili.
- “If You Think We’re Sexy”: Not the Dapper Dans’ finest moment.
Monday, April 5th, 2010
- “A Whole New Part of Your World: From The Little Aladdin (also notable, “Prince Ali, Under the Sea.”)
- “It’s Not Easy, Lovin’ Green”: From The Muppet Princess and the Frog (also notable, “Dig a Little Mah Nà Mah Nà.”)
- “Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Pooh”: From The Many Adventures of Cinderellapooh (also notable, “A Dream is a Wish Your Heffalump Makes.”)
- “Zip-a-califragilisticexpialidocious”: From the live-action-plus-animation classic, Song of the Poppins (also notable, “Chim Chim-a-Dee-Doo-Dah.”)
- “A Whole New World”: From Treasure Planet. Okay, it’s another planet — we get it.
- “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” and “A Girl Worth Fighting For”: From Peter Pan. Peter and Wendy’s relationship is just too complicated.
- “Go the Distance”: From The Little Mermaid. They should have stopped at “Kiss the Girl.”
- “The Siamese Cat Song”: From Mulan. These days, it just comes across as racially insensitive.
- “Pink Elephants on Parade”: From The Jungle Book. Mowgli is way too young to be drinking this much.
- “A Very Merry Un-birthday:” From Bambi. Seriously, this is the wrong way to try and cheer up someone whose mom just died. Bambi singing “I Just Can’t Wait to be Prince” is a close second in insensitivity.
Wednesday, March 31st, 2010
- Walking down a deserted Main Street after the park had been evacuated for some false alarm or another.
- On a cold night, the smell of a warm churro purchased with your last $15.
- Meeting Walt Disney himself in the park, shaking his hand, suggesting that he open an inexpensive, state-themed park where the parking lot currently was, and then listening for an hour and a half as he detailed all the problems with that idea.
- Being able to look at a few seconds of some ancient movie for only a penny.
- A five-hour Jungle Cruise on which skipper John Lasseter explained in brilliant detail the back story of every single creature we passed.
- Laughing so hard at the wacky antics of a costumed character that an ambulance has to be summoned.
- Going to Disneyland alone for your birthday and asking the park photographer if they can insert someone else into the photo so you’ll look less pathetic.
- Standing for an hour in the Matterhorn queue only to find that you’ve somehow circled the mountain and ended up back where you started.
- Fifteen painful minutes desperately trying to locate the Innoventions restroom.
- Getting caught shoplifting from the Emporium and having to choose between prosecution or two hours on Star Tours vomit-cleanup duty (we chose prosecution).
- Accidentally referring to the Matterhorn as “Magic Mountain” in front of a tour group from a Disneyana convention.
- Years of therapy bills after the kids happen to catch a glimpse of one of the costumed characters (Alice) with her head off.
Monday, March 29th, 2010
- A family of well-adjusted individuals who have had plenty of rest, know what they’re doing, have intelligently budgeted both their time and money, and actually exist.
- The friendly man who, for his 80th birthday, celebrates by buying churros for everyone then goes to City Hall and files a report about how wonderful all the cast members have treated him.
- People who ask questions that are reasonable and that you actually have a chance of knowing the answer to, but that you haven’t heard every minute of every day since you started working at the park.
- Kids who think that costumed characters are robots and/or unable to feel pain.
- The guy who shows up at Jedi training with his own sword.
- The snooty woman who throws a piece of trash on the ground and then checks how long it takes a cast member to pick it up.
- Relatives that you signed into the park who then expect you to do them special favors and give them big discounts all day.
- People who fall asleep dreaming of massive insurance payouts and visit the park hoping against hope that they’ll be injured.
- The man in the bathroom who asks where the nearest bathroom is.
- The screaming, abusive, anti-social lost child.
- That child’s screaming, abusive, anti-social parents.
- Annual pass holders who are such know-it-alls that you wish they’d just stay at home and annoy people on the Web.
Friday, March 26th, 2010
- Toy Story 2
- Toy Story 3
- Toy Story 4
- Old Yeller II: The Search for Yeller
- The White Hole
- Herbie Goes to Rehab
Monday, March 22nd, 2010
- Photo of you in front of the castle just as the sun begins to glint off the gold filigree (available seasonally).
- Getting Tarzan to autograph your chest (ladies can ask for this too!)
- Piece of an original Electrical Parade vehicle (a friend of ours got a fire extinguisher!)
- Piece of an original Imagineer.
- Disneyland 50th Birthday Cake Pin (made from real cake).
- Do-it-yourself deep-fried churro kit.
Wednesday, March 17th, 2010
- During Beauty and the Beast’s “Gaston” song, one of the heads on the wall is Bambi’s mom.
- In The Rescuers, while the heroes are rushing past an apartment building, for a few frames you can see an adult Ariel, formerly the little mermaid, standing at a window.
- Snow White’s seven dwarfs are named for the seven types of theme-park guests.
- In Oliver & Company when Oliver says, “Yes,” that’s a direct quote from The Absent Minded Professor.
- The third guy from the left in the background in frame 217,143 of Chicken Little is the head of Disney animation’s gardener’s cousin.
- If you play Toy Story backwards, Buzz Lightyear is the embodiment of Michael Eisner’s career.