Archive for the ‘Animation’ Category

New Disney shorts coming soon! (revised)

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

Sorry to report that we made a little mistake yesterday when we reported that Disney had announced a series of all-new short cartoons. We said that the titles of the shorts would be shortened versions of Disney feature film titles, and this is not the case. In fact, it’s such a silly idea that we’re embarrassed not to have questioned it in the first place.

Instead, each of these parody shorts will share the title of a Disney feature film, but with one letter changed. For example, the "a" in "Tangled" is changed to an "i", giving us "Tingled."

Disney hopes that fans will enjoy trying to puzzle out what the original film was and what the parody will be like from its "slightly modified" title and then tune in to see what it’s like. Our revised sources deep within Disney report that titles currently in production include:

  • Alive in Wonderland
  • The Apple Rumpling Gang
  • The Arestocats
  • Atlantis: The Lost Umpire
  • Babes in Boyland
  • Beauty and the Feast
  • The Black Hope
  • Bombi
  • Brother Beer
  • Cabs
  • Candorman
  • Catatouille
  • Chucken Little
  • The Commuter Wore Tennis Shoes
  • The Country Beers
  • Dambo
  • Dolt
  • Dome on the Range
  • Fartasia
  • Fun and Fancy Tree
  • Funding Nemo
  • G-Farce
  • Gong of the South
  • The Great Souse Detective
  • Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus: Pest of Both Worlds Concert
  • Herbie Rises Again
  • Herbie: Fully Loafed
  • The Honkey’s Uncle
  • Hot Lead and Gold Feet
  • James and the Giant Beach
  • The Jungle Cook
  • Lady and the Cramp
  • Lilo & Snitch
  • The Live Bug
  • The Loon King
  • The Loving Desert
  • The Many Adventures of Winnie the Poof
  • Mars Feeds Moms
  • Mercules
  • The Mighty Docks
  • Milan
  • The Million Dollar Deck
  • Mobsters, Inc.
  • The Nightmaze Before Christmas
  • Old Teller
  • Operation Dumbo Drip
  • Pantasia 2000
  • The Parent Wrap
  • Pele’s Dragon
  • The Pocketeer
  • The Princess and the Grog
  • Punocchio
  • Robin Food
  • A Rug’s Life
  • Sandleshoe
  • The Sappiest Millionaire
  • The Shaggy Hog
  • The Sigh of Zorro
  • Sinderella
  • Sister Ace
  • Snow Whine and the Seven Dwarfs
  • The Strongest Fan in the World
  • Sweeping Beauty
  • That Yarn Cat!
  • The Three Limes of Thomasina
  • Tingled
  • Toe Story
  • Ton of Flubber
  • Toon: Legacy
  • Troy
  • Ug
  • Unidentified Frying Oddball
  • WALL-I
  • Wary Poppins

Did we miss any? If you’ve heard of any additional titles in this series (or if you hear that we got one wrong), be sure to immediately let us know in the comments!

New Disney shorts coming soon!

Monday, April 11th, 2011

To the joy of all, Disney has announced that beginning this summer it will be running all-new short cartoons between main features on the Disney Channel. Each of these shorts will be a parody of a Disney feature film with a "short-ened" name — that is, each short’s title will be the title of a Disney film with one or more characters removed. For example, "Tangled" loses its first letter and becomes "Angled."

Disney hopes that fans will enjoy trying to puzzle out what the original film was and what the parody will be like from its "short" title and then tune in to see what it’s like. Our sources deep within Disney report that titles currently in production include:

  • 20,000 Legs Under the Sea
  • Angled
  • The Apple Dumping Gag
  • Babs in Toyland
  • The Back Cauldron
  • Beauty and the Beat
  • Bedknobs and Boomsticks
  • The Black Hoe
  • Blackbard’s Ghost
  • Bot
  • Brother Ear
  • A Bug’s Lie
  • Chanted
  • Chick Lit
  • The Computer Wore Ten Shoes
  • Condoman
  • The County Bars
  • Darby O’Gill and the Little Pope
  • Davy Rockett, Kin of the Wild Frontier
  • Dumb
  • The Emperor’s New Grove
  • Escape to Itch Mountain
  • Fatasia
  • Fay Friday
  • Finding Emo
  • Fun and Fancy Fee
  • The Great Muse Detective
  • The Haggy Dog
  • Herbie Goes Baaa
  • Home on the Rage
  • Hot Lad and Old Feet
  • The Hunted Mason
  • The Incredible Joey
  • The Inedibles
  • The Ion King
  • The Island at the Top of the Word
  • James and the Giant Pea
  • The Jung Book
  • Lady and the Trap
  • Lice in Wonderland
  • The Lite Mermaid
  • Liver & Company
  • The Man Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
  • The Mare For Christ
  • Melody Tim
  • Met the Robinsons
  • The Million Doll Duck
  • The Money’s Uncle
  • Natal Treasure
  • The Nom-Mobile
  • The Ox and the Hound
  • Oy, I Shrunk the Kids
  • Pates of the Caribbean
  • Peter Pa
  • Pets Dragon
  • The Princess and the Fog
  • The Princess Dares
  • Rare Island
  • The Reluctant Rag
  • The Rent Rap
  • The Rocker
  • Ron
  • The Santa Case
  • The Sin of Zorro
  • Snow White and the Even Dwarfs
  • So Dear to My Heat
  • Son of Lubber
  • Song of the Sot
  • Squato: A Warrior’s Ale
  • The Strongest Ma in the World
  • The Tiger Movie
  • Treasure Plant
  • The Tree Caballeros
  • Tron: Lacy
  • U
  • Unidentified Lying Oddball
  • Urn from Itch Mountain
  • Victory Through AI Power
  • WALL
  • Who Framed Roger Rabbi
  • The Word in the Stone

Did we miss any? If you’ve heard of any additional titles in this series (or if you hear that we got one wrong), be sure to immediately let us know in the comments!

Another title change

Friday, March 19th, 2010

On the heels of the gigantic fiasco that arose recently when Disney, going against hundreds of years of tradition and the will of the people, decide to change the upcoming animated feature’s title from Rapunzel to Tangled, rumors have arisen that Pixar may be about to make the same kind of devastating unprecedented flip-flopping reversal.

According to someone who heard something on some blog somewhere, Pixar’s The Bear and the Bow (the touching story of a princess who wants to stop training with her Bowflex and just sit around watching Brother Bear) may instead be released with the title Brave. Scandalous as this may seem, there are actually some reasonable reasons for making such a change. For example, shorter titles are easier to remember and to spell, and don’t take up as much room on the Internet. The title also has some historical precedent — those of us who are Americans of a certain age can remember the days before the 28th amendment when we used to stand with our hands over our hearts at baseball games while someone sang about “the land of the free and the home of the bear and the bow.”

But the important thing to remember here is that Disney often creates films under working titles that were changed before final release. A few examples:

Release Title Original Title
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Snow White and Dopey, Doc, Sneezy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Happy, and Bashful
The Jungle Book Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book (Highlights)
The Black Cauldron The Negro Cauldron
The Great Mouse Detective Basil Who Lives on the Same Block as Sherlock Holmes
Lilo & Stitch Lilo & Stitch & Ted & Alice
Home on the Range Where the Deer and the Antelope Play
Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Who Censored Roger Rabbit?; Who Shot Roger Rabbit?; Who Strangled Roger Rabbit?; Who the Heck is Roger Rabbit?
James and the Giant Peach A Clockwork Orange
Tron Ron

A new plot for Rapunzel

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Disney’s upcoming Rapunzel animated feature has gone through a number of pre-production changes of late. Apparently, some of the creative forces behind the film were concerned that it was turning out to be too much of a “traditional princess tale,” and thought that a stronger, more modern main character would be more popular with audiences. The film was renamed Tangled and its story was completely reworked.

According to an official Disney press release that was channeled to us from a local astrologer, “Tangled will be the story of Rapunzel, a woman who took a nazarite vow at birth that has made her an amazing warrior. After an incident in her youth when she burned down an enemy’s field by setting local animals on fire, she was locked in a tower for fear that she would destroy the town if let free.

“As a teenager, Rapunzel is visited by a young man, Delilo, who speaks to her while standing at the base of the tower. Delilo is from Philistia, a town that is the historical enemy of Rapunzel’s town. Even so, they fall in love. But the inhabitants of Philistia are enraged when, at Delilo and Rapunzel’s wedding, she beats thirty of them to death for guessing the answer to her favorite riddle. They tie her up, intent on taking her back to her tower, but she breaks free and kills a thousand more, using the jawbone of her funny talking animal pall ‘Donkey’ as a weapon.

“Things go downhill from there. Delilo is upset by all the violence, and uses his manly wiles to get Rapunzel to tell him that the secret of her strength is in her hair. In the night, Delilo cuts Rapunzel’s hair and then lets in her enemies, who poke out her eyes with swords. Rapunzel, blind and powerless, is bound between two pillars on the steps of the capital of Philistia. Gathering her will, Rapunzel miraculously grows her hair out to its full length in an instant, pulls down the pillars of the capital (causing it to collapse and crush the elders of the town), and beats the living daylights out of everyone within reach.

“In the end, Delilo sees the horror brought by his treachery. He sings a happy love song to Rapunzel, who responds in kind. They renew their wedding vows in a lovely ceremony at the base of her tower, attended by all the creatures of the forest. Rapunzel opens a blacksmith shop, and they live happily ever after.”

New Pixar Short

Friday, March 12th, 2010

Pixar has announced that the short accompanying the highly anticipated Toy Story 3: Lost in New York will be titled “Day and Knight.” Said John Lasseter’s personal shirt architect, “This short will finally answer the Internet-hotbutton question, what would happen if Doris Day and Ted Knight had had a baby?”

Imitating film

Friday, March 12th, 2010

An article on AOL Health (“All The News That’s Fit for Hypochondriacs”) reports that children all around the country are being infected by salmonella, breaking out in warts, and hungering for flies after kissing frogs in imitation of Disney’s animated feature The Princess and the Frog. There have even been reports of children in France becoming so orally fixated on frogs that they are actually eating the things! The story seems ridiculous on its face (for example, not even a crazy person would eat a reptile, and everyone knows you get salmonella from salmon, not frogs), but it does have an echo of truth in it — over the years, there have been many cases of children doing silly things in imitation of Disney films.

For example:

  • In the 1950s, little boys all across the country, in imitation of their TV hero Davy Crockett, donned raccoon-skin caps and ran for Congress.
  • The popular Frisbee toy was invented to sate children yearning to imitate the disc-battling antics of their movie hero Tron.
  • After the release of Beauty and the Beast, little girls followed the movie heroine’s lead and began to read books for entertainment (much to the annoyance of film-based corporations, causing Disney to focus its next animated film, Aladdin, on a more commercial female role model — a marriage-obsessed princess in scanty clothes who hangs out with big, fluffy animals).
  • Many children who saw Toy Story subsequently wanted toys.

This is not to say that The Princess and the Frog has had no impact on children. Quit the contrary — although there are no reliable reports of children doing anything so ridiculous as kissing frogs, a number of youths in the southern U.S. have been devoured (whole or in part) while trying to teach alligators to play jazz music.

The Princess and the Frog

Monday, February 1st, 2010

We wanted to get a Princess and the Frog lies page up some time before the thing was out on DVD, so here it is! The Princess and the Frog

Beware, it’s full of spoilers that will completely ruin the film for those of you who foolishly haven’t seen it! After you read it, be sure to leave your comments in the comments.

Beauty and the Beast and…

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

We’re still in the process of sorting through all the photographs taken during our recent Walt Disney World sabbatical, but a piece of news came across the DisneyLies desk (in an unmarked envelope, addressed in crayon) that we just can’t wait to share.

Apparently, Disney plans to announce on Monday that in 2010 they will be rereleasing the animated classic Beauty and the Beast with all-new additional animation. Said supposed Lead Animation Director of Animating Animation Jade Austin, “This will be the first time that Disney has reworked one of its animation classic, not just to add new footage, but to add additional characters and animation to existing scenes, completely changing the tone and plot of the film.”

Austin continues, “Beauty and the Beast and Zombies will be much darker than the original film, and though the plot will be more significantly about how the cruel beast’s massive strength and claws make him the epitome of warriors against the undead, we haven’t lost sight of the love story that is at the heart of B&B.”

Rumor has it that the final battle between Beast and a certain stuck-up undead hunter has to be seen to be believed, and when animated furniture returns to life after being smashed in the castle invasion, a chill is guaranteed to go up every spine. The (much more threatening) version of “Be Our Guest” should also be quite a hit. It is possible that the ending — in which the titled couple is devoured after Belle’s love turns Beast human — will prove controversial.

We asked Austin how this project was developed. “It’s something that’s been floating around the halls for years. We thought of a number of possible ways to go with the ‘add a zombie’ idea — The Fox and the Hound and Zombies, Lady and the Tramp and Zombies, 101 Zombie Dalmatians, Snow White and the Seven Brain-Eating Undead Dwarfs — but Beauty and the Beast just seems perfect for this treatment. We hope you find it as horrifying as we do!”

New WALL*E Controversy

Monday, July 7th, 2008

Even as the U.S. domestic box office receipts for WALL*E pass the 27 trillion Zimbabwe dollar mark, new controversy is brewing over some of the film’s more disturbing content. “I was really surprised by all the cannibalism,” said Stew Eaton, dubious spokesperson for Americans Against Theaters Exposing Youth to Outrageous Ugliness. “The robot steals a dead robots shoes, which is bad enough, but then we see that he has this trailer filled with containers of parts of his fellow beings, and he uses those parts to feed his own desire to survive — literally cannibalizing the dead so he may live! At the end of the film Eve is dragged into the circle of hideousness and feeds WALL*E bits of his fellows until he returns to life, but when he returns his mind is gone — because he has succumbed to what is obviously prion disease, a condition common among cannibals who eat brains!”

Eaton paused for a moment and asked us why we had stopped eating our lunch, then continued without waiting for answer. “And it wasn’t just the robot! Think about all those people on that space ship. They’ve been there 700 years, we don’t see signs that anyone ages, but there are babies being born. Why isn’t the place bursting at the seams? Because they’re drinking soylent green Slurpees, that’s why! The evidence is everywhere, clear as the Fourth of July. This might as well have been the Donner Party cartoon.”

We contacted Disney’s Ethics Officer for comment, but he was at lunch — and his secretary was missing. Coincidence? We hope so.

Disney Animation 2012: King of the Elves

Saturday, May 10th, 2008

Not much is known about Disney’s 2012 feature, King of the Elves. All we can be sure of is that it’s the story of a man living in the swamps of Mississippi who puts together a band of elves to help him live his dream of performing as an Elvis impersonator.