Apparently, Disney plans to announce on Monday that in 2010 they will be rereleasing the animated classic Beauty and the Beast with all-new additional animation. Said supposed Lead Animation Director of Animating Animation Jade Austin, “This will be the first time that Disney has reworked one of its animation classic, not just to add new footage, but to add additional characters and animation to existing scenes, completely changing the tone and plot of the film.”

Austin continues, “Beauty and the Beast and Zombies will be much darker than the original film, and though the plot will be more significantly about how the cruel beast’s massive strength and claws make him the epitome of warriors against the undead, we haven’t lost sight of the love story that is at the heart of B&B.”

Rumor has it that the final battle between Beast and a certain stuck-up undead hunter has to be seen to be believed, and when animated furniture returns to life after being smashed in the castle invasion, a chill is guaranteed to go up every spine. The (much more threatening) version of “Be Our Guest” should also be quite a hit. It is possible that the ending — in which the titled couple is devoured after Belle’s love turns Beast human — will prove controversial.

We asked Austin how this project was developed. “It’s something that’s been floating around the halls for years. We thought of a number of possible ways to go with the ‘add a zombie’ idea — The Fox and the Hound and Zombies, Lady and the Tramp and Zombies, 101 Zombie Dalmatians, Snow White and the Seven Brain-Eating Undead Dwarfs — but Beauty and the Beast just seems perfect for this treatment. We hope you find it as horrifying as we do!”

Eaton paused for a moment and asked us why we had stopped eating our lunch, then continued without waiting for answer. “And it wasn’t just the robot! Think about all those people on that space ship. They’ve been there 700 years, we don’t see signs that anyone ages, but there are babies being born. Why isn’t the place bursting at the seams? Because they’re drinking soylent green Slurpees, that’s why! The evidence is everywhere, clear as the Fourth of July. This might as well have been the Donner Party cartoon.”

We contacted Disney’s Ethics Officer for comment, but he was at lunch — and his secretary was missing. Coincidence? We hope so.

Originally, Rapunzel was to be titled Rapunzel Unbraided, but an episode of Mythbusters dealing with the usefulness of hair for climbing proved that braided hair was actually stronger than unbraided hair, climbing wise, and if Rapunzel was going to have braided hair, they couldn’t advertise that she would be unbraided (for legal reasons).

In this installment, Buzz has come to accept the fact that Emperor Zurg is his father but seeks a retreat to commune with the little green aliens so that he can focus his mind and resist the Zurg’s temptations as he tries to get Buzz to join Dark Starcommand.

Meanwhile, Woody and the rest of the gang have ventured into the neighbor’s yard where they plan to blow up a satellite dish because they mistakenly believe that it emits signals that protect Zurg’s unfinished Nurf space station from attack. But it’s a trap! Only with the help of a group of wild, weed-dwelling Care Bears can our heroes escape.

After this film, Pixar plans to take a lengthy break from making Toy Story sequels, after which they will complete the trilogy of TS prequels in which we see each toy’s incredible assembly-line origin and learn that Sid (from Toy Story 1) is really only one boy out of an army of toy-abusing child clones.