All Tired Out

February 16th, 2015

Today is the last day of operation for the poor, beloved Luigi’s Flying Tires attraction at Disney California Adventure. The attraction was never as popular as Disney might have hoped, but it certainly had its fans. Here’s a picture taken this morning of the attraction so you can have one last look before it is replaced by something that is certain to be less delightful (and possibly Frozen-car themed):

Luigi's Flying Tires last day of operation

(Although the crowds had not yet descended upon the attraction when this photo was taken, the attraction had only been open for an hour at that point. We’re certain that it became very busy later in the day.)

It’s difficult to see in the photo — you might have to click it to see it larger — but all of the Flying Tires cast members wore black armbands on their left arms to mark the attraction’s final hours. It was a respectful, if subtly depressing, gesture.

The general feeling about Luigi’s can be summed up in a quote from a guest we spotted dressed in black and weeping quietly into a black handkerchief near where this photo was taken. Said the guest (only slightly muffled by her black mourning veil):

My parents first met on the original Flying Saucers attraction at Disneyland. They were sitting in their individual saucers, yelling and cursing about how then couldn’t figure out how to get them to move, when they caught each others’ eye. That started them laughing over their shared frustration, and the rest is Disney romance history.

I’ve been coming to Luigi’s every day since it opened, riding it incessantly and waiting for a love connection. After 976 days of trying, I guess I’m going to have to look for another way to find a soul mate. I might have to resort to hoping I get stranded for an hour on Pirates with Mr. Right.

The big question, of course, is “Why is this attraction closing?” It may have been seen as a risk to try a new version of an attraction that originally didn’t last long at Disneyland, and over the months since “Flying Saucers II” opened the company may have lost its nerve. As one former individual said, “Whoever gave the park permission to open Luigi’s Flying Tires sure had a lot of balls, but unfortunately they were removed a few weeks after attraction opening due to technical issues.”

The internet is rife with rampant rumors about the closure. Some are blaming Obamacare or feminist criticism of video games, while others say it’s related to an unfortunate incident that occurred near the end of 2014 during which a woman was caught throwing the ashes of her beloved former Ford Fiesta about the attraction to commemorate its passing after its engine seized up and she had it incinerated. But, as is often the case, the truth is far more mundane. Said a relative of a person who claims to know things:

Disney never anticipated that the Monster Truck Racing Association would want their tires back so soon. In retrospect, they really should have signed a longer contract, but nobody anticipated that there would be any difficulty in getting them to renew every three years. It turns out that some MTRA brass was really upset that guests entering attraction vehicles tended to step on the giant tires, getting footprints on them and leaving them all scuffed up at the end of the day. In MTRA management’s mind, that made the MTRA look unprofessional. They complained to Disney, and the park did try to modify guest behavior, but in the end it just couldn’t be done.

RIP Luigi’s Flying Tires: 6/15/2012 – 2/16/2015

Disneyland measles button

February 9th, 2015

We’ve been so busy promoting our new That’s Not At Disneyland books that we’ve hardly had time to visit the Disneyland Resort in the last two months. We were finally able to visit over the weekend, and were thrilled to see all the new entertainment and changes throughout both parks.

One interesting details we discovered at City Hall was that Disneyland now has these buttons available:

Disneyland "vaccinated" button

We asked a cast member to hold one of the buttons and tell us a little bit about it. According to her, “I’m happy to help, but it’s too bad I didn’t do my nails last night. I’m not a professional hand model.”

Assuming that the buttons were created in reaction to the recent outbreak of measles that was traced to Disneyland, we asked if she had more details. “Not that there’s anything wrong with professional hand models,” she said. “It’s a great career and I wouldn’t mind getting into it, so long as I could work around my Disneyland job.”

After we took our pictures, we asked if Guest Services had been inundated with questions about communicable diseases in the parks, availability of measles vaccinations at First Aid, and annoying “it’s a smallpox world” and “Jungle (Cruise) fever” jokes. She had little to say about that but, as we were leaving, did add, “You’ll let me know about any hand modeling opportunities you hear of, won’t you?”

Frozen Singalong II

January 6th, 2015

The new Frozen-themed attractions in Disney California Adventure have proved to be even more popular than park management anticipated. Said one person who claims to share sandwiches with park management, “It’s cool how hot they are! (Get it? Cool? Hot?)”

The Frozen singalong performance in the former Muppetvision 3D theater is having trouble meeting demand, so the resort will be opening a second Frozen singalong, this time in Disneyland. “Walt Disney’s Frozen Tiki Room” will begin performances in March, after a month-long refurbishment to upgrade and reprogram the TIki Room’s inhabitants. Changes will include replacing many birds with penguins and puffins, adding frostbite to the plants, reworking the totem polls to resemble the film’s Marshmallow character, replacing the tiki gods with animatronic Olafs, and changing the climactic rainstorm into a snowstorm.

The show’s music will also (obviously) be changed. For example, at the start of the show:

Olaf! Olaf! Its showtime!

In the frozen, frozen, frozen, frozen tiki room,
In the frozen, frozen, frozen, frozen tiki room,
All the birds wear coats and snowmen croon,
In the frozen, frozen, frozen, frozen tiki room.

Welcome to a movie-themed overlay, you lucky people, you.
Our home in Arendelle go the chills today,
So we flew south to be with you.

After much shenanigans and banter, guests will be introduced to the ice-carved Birdmobile and asked to sing along with a new tune, “Do You Want To Find Rosita?” It begins:

Hey what happened to Rosita?
I hope that she’s okay.
She isn’t on the Birdmobile
And now I feel
She might have flown away.

She used to sing so pretty
And now she’s gone.
Was it something that I squawked?

Hey what happened to Rosita?
(At least I think her name’s Rosita.)

The traditional singing of “Heigh Ho” as guests leave the attraction is replaced (of course) by Frozen’s signature song, “Let It Go.” The modified tune ends like this:

Let it snow, let it snow,
While you all leave us in a lurch.
Let it snow, let it snow,
I’m frozen to my perch.
We all sing
In the Tiki way.
What else rhymes with “perch?”

I don’t know so get up and go away.

Poor Pooh!

January 1st, 2015

Winnie the Pooh (as seen in our local grocery store) apparently was celebrating the new year a little too hard last night.

Drunk Pooh

The Ultimate Ranking of Disney Theatrical Animated Features

December 31st, 2014

As a special treat to help ring in the new year, we at DisneyLies have been painstakingly going through the entire history of Disney feature animation to create what we think is the ultimate ranking of Disney animated feature films. In fact, we are so confident in our ranking, that we think we can say without fear of contradiction that anyone who disagrees with us is just plain incorrect.

Because of our personal preferences, only what we consider to be “core” Disney feature animation is listed. That means no DisneyToon Studios, Walt Disney Television Animation, Studio Ghibli, ImageMovers, etc. If you think they should be included, you’re welcome to go through the massive effort to create your own list.

That said, DisneyLies now presents…

The Ultimate Ranking of Disney Theatrical Animated Features

  1. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
  2. Pinocchio
  3. Fantasia
  4. Dumbo
  5. Bambi
  6. Saludos Amigos
  7. Victory Through Air Power
  8. The Three Caballeros
  9. Make Mine Music
  10. Fun and Fancy Free
  11. Melody Time
  12. The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad
  13. Cinderella
  14. Alice in Wonderland
  15. Peter Pan
  16. Lady and the Tramp
  17. Sleeping Beauty
  18. One Hundred and One Dalmatians
  19. The Sword in the Stone
  20. The Jungle Book
  21. The Aristocats
  22. Robin Hood
  23. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
  24. The Rescuers
  25. The Fox and the Hound
  26. The Black Cauldron
  27. The Great Mouse Detective
  28. Oliver & Company
  29. The Little Mermaid
  30. The Rescuers Down Under
  31. Beauty and the Beast
  32. Aladdin
  33. The Nightmare Before Christmas
  34. The Lion King
  35. Pocahontas
  36. Toy Story
  37. James and the Giant Peach
  38. The Hunchback of Notre Dame
  39. Hercules
  40. Mulan
  41. A Bug’s Life
  42. Tarzan
  43. Toy Story 2
  44. Fantasia 2000
  45. Dinosaur
  46. The Emperor’s New Groove
  47. Shrek
  48. Atlantis: The Lost Empire
  49. Monsters, Inc.
  50. Lilo & Stitch
  51. Treasure Planet
  52. Finding Nemo
  53. Brother Bear
  54. Home on the Range
  55. The Incredibles
  56. Chicken Little
  57. Cars
  58. Meet the Robinsons
  59. Ratatouille
  60. WALL-E
  61. Bolt
  62. Up
  63. The Princess and the Frog
  64. Toy Story 3
  65. Tangled
  66. Cars 2
  67. Winnie the Pooh
  68. Brave
  69. Frankenweenie
  70. Wreck-It Ralph
  71. Monsters University
  72. Frozen
  73. Big Hero 6

Hidden Lincoln

December 30th, 2014

We are big fans of Walt Disney’s famous “Hidden Lincolns” (images of and references to Abraham Lincoln that are hidden around the Disneyland resort). However, like most Disneyland fans, we assumed that the tradition of placing these images had ended with Walt’s passing.

So it was with much excitement that, while watching Phineas and Ferb: Mission Marvel (which we happily received for Christmas),  we discovered this:

Phineas and Ferb hidden Lincoln

(If you have any doubts, click the image to see the complete, original screenshot.)

 

If you are, for some reason, unfamiliar with Hidden Lincolns and want to learn more, we recommend you visit the official [sic] Hidden Lincolns website.

Letting go — again!

December 29th, 2014

As 2014 draws to a close, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (TAMPAS) has dropped a huge happiness bomb on fans of Disney animation. Said someone who spoke to us under the condition that they be referred to only as Oscar:

In recognition of its massive impact on society, culture, and merchandise sales, the Academy has decided that, even though Walt Disney Pictures released Frozen in 2013, the film will again be eligible to receive the Academy “Oscar” Award for Best Picture, Best Animated Feature, Best Original Song, and Best Costumes for 2014.

This is not in any way intended as an insult to Mr. Peabody & Sherman, VeggieTales: Celery Night Fever, Big Lego 6 (or whatever it was called) or any other animated features that were released in 2014. It is simply an admission that none of those features has been able to displace Frozen at the forefront of our animated enjoyment.

So there you have it! Could Frozen be the first movie to ever with back-to-back Academy Awards? Can we, perhaps, dream of a “threepeat” for 2015? So long as you keep purchasing merchandise and allowing your children to alternate singing “Let It Go” and asking if you want to build something in the snow, anything can happen!

Cards Against Humanity Disney Expansion

December 16th, 2014

Warning: Today’s post is about a game that is not appropriate for children, isn’t right for families or the easily offended, and is definitely not safe for work. Do you fit into one of these categories? Yes? Then run away!

If you are one of today’s hip young people, then you may be familiar with Cards Against Humanity — a card game of dubious taste that is often played by groups of teens or college students when parents and other decent folks are not in the vicinity. In the past, the Cards Against Humanity company has released a couple of themed expansion packs for their game (including “Remembering the 1990s” and “Famous Genocides”). This year, just in time for Christmas, they have created a game expansion pack specifically targeted at Disney fans!

Cards Against Humanity is played with two kinds of cards — black and white. A player has a hand full of white cards that contain short phrases and tries to match them to black cards that contain sentences with one or more words missing. The Disney Expansion Pack of Cards Against Humanity contains 100 cards — 20 black and 80 white. For those of you who are curious about their contents but don’t want to purchase the expansion, we have reproduced its content here.

Black Cards

  • My favorite Disneyland attraction is the Hall of __________.
  • Rumor has it there’s __________ inside the Matterhorn.
  • Make Mine __________!
  • For your safety, remain seated with your seat belts fastened, keeping __________ inside the bobsled.
  • Captain EO? More like Captain __________.
  • __________ is a half-day attraction at best.
  • Is this haunted room actually __________?
  • Yo ho, yo ho, __________ for me!
  • Do you want to build __________?
  • Which would you choose: __________ or being stuck for an hour on __________?
  • What they need is an attraction based on __________.
  • How typical. __________ exits into __________.
  • They say “guest,” but what they mean is __________.
  • The Handsome Prince saved Snow White from death with __________.
  • The Three Cabilleros: Donald Duck, __________, and __________.
  • __________ is a wish your heart makes.
  • __________ is closed for refurbishment.
  • We spent all afternoon at __________’s lair on __________ Island.
  • We have 999 happy haunts, but there’s room for __________
  • Since when is __________ a Disney princess?

White Cards

  • Bambi’s mom
  • The frozen head of Walt Disney
  • Getting lost in a maze of utilidoors
  • Endlessly singing “Let It Go”
  • The tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki room
  • The ghost of the old lady that died in the Haunted Mansion
  • The happiest place on earth
  • Disney dollars
  • An enormous collection of theme park napkins
  • Hundreds of “it’s a small world” dolls
  • A churro
  • Renting a wheelchair you don’t need
  • A Disneyland character with its head off
  • Grim grinning ghosts
  • Gaston’s decorating
  • The original budget for California Adventure
  • Animatronic Abraham Lincoln
  • Walt Disney’s apartment
  • A magical day
  • Tinker Bell
  • Massive post-fireworks crowds
  • An abominable snowman named Harold
  • Your hands, arms, feet, and legs
  • A secret basketball court
  • Soap suds pretending to be snow
  • A novelty hat that you’re going to wear once and then stuff in a closet
  • Cruella de Ville’s tailor
  • Stroller parking
  • An emergency bathroom break
  • Imagineering
  • Fantasyland
  • Another damned hidden Mickey
  • The Dumbo queue
  • Fireworks
  • A child screaming its head off from overstimulation
  • A thematically related gift shop
  • Monorail Blue
  • A maniac in a motorized wheelchair
  • The Mine Train Through Nature’s Wonderland
  • Watching through a window as people make candy
  • Collectable pins
  • A Photopass photographer
  • Oswald the Lucky Rabbit
  • Corporate sponsorship
  • A protein spill
  • Flash photography
  • Singing pirates
  • Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters
  • The Mexico pavilion
  • Overpriced crap
  • Making movies based on stories that are in the public domain
  • Aging Mouseketeers
  • Fanatical copyright lawyers
  • An unexpected soft opening
  • A commemorative window
  • A coonskin cap
  • Cartoons with racist subject matter
  • The Love Bug
  • Dinner at Club 33
  • The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
  • Mr. Incredible
  • The Primeval World Diorama
  • A drawer full of old ticket books
  • Main Street, U.S.A.
  • The back side of water
  • Slue Foot Sue’s Golden Horseshoe Review
  • Splash Mountain
  • Four fingers
  • An Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow
  • Overpriced tickets
  • Michael Eisner
  • An expired FASTPASS
  • Spontaneously breaking into song
  • Whatever happened to Huey, Dewy, and Louie’s parents
  • Standing in line until your feet bleed
  • Peeing in the Knotts Berry Farm parking lot
  • Mickey Mouse
  • Pleasure Island
  • Indiana Jones’ gigantic ball
  • The wildest ride in the wilderness

By combining the cards, you can make some funny sentences. During playtesting, we came across a few we particularly enjoyed:

  • We have 999 happy haunts, but there’s room for the original budget for California Adventure.
  • Since when is the frozen head of Walt Disney a Disney princess?
  • Yo ho, yo ho, endlessly singing “Let It Go” for me!
  • Which would you choose: whatever happened to Huey, Dewy, and Louie’s parents or being stuck for an hour on Bambi’s mom?
  • They say “guest,” but what they mean is Disney dollars.

Even more combinations are possible when you mix the cards with those from the original game (which you need to own before purchasing the expansion). Here are the few we found that were inoffensive enough to publish:

  • I got 99 problems but a novelty hat that you’re going to wear once and then stuff in a closet ain’t one.
  • What ended my last relationship? Collectable pins
  • TSA guidelines now prohibit singing pirates on airplanes.
  • Hundreds of “it’s a small world” dolls. That’s how I want to die.
  • Overpriced crap is a slippery slope that leads to the Mexico pavilion.
  • Why am I so sticky? Soap suds pretending to be snow
  • A thematically related gift shop. It’s a trap!
  • Coming to Broadway this season, an abominable snowman named Harold: The Musical.
  • This is the way the world ends \ This is the way the world ends \ Not with a bang but with an expired FASTPASS.
  • A maniac in a motorized wheelchair + a child screaming its head off from overstimulation = the wildest ride in the wilderness.

Big Restroom 6

December 8th, 2014

Apologies in advance for the poor photo, but when you’re taking pictures in a restroom, you don’t always have all the time in the world. Anywho, we were mighty impressed with this subtle Big Hero 6 Baymax reference at the Grand Californian Hotel!

Baymax at the Grand Californian Hotel restroom

A secret message from Disney?

December 6th, 2014

Sometimes coincidences happen, but when a corporation as control-oriented as Disney is involved, true coincidences are few and far between. With that in mind, consider these facts:

  • Disneyland’s 60th anniversary is quickly approaching.
  • Yesterday was Walt Disney’s birthday.
  • Yesterday, Disneyland made a number announcements related to things that are “frozen” coming to the park.

Clearly they are hinting at something, and I’m sure all the true Disneyland fans out there can guess what it is.

Now if you’ll excuse us, we have to go out and corner the market on “Welcome Back Walt!” t-shirts.