Archive for January, 2017

Upcoming Disney Westerns

Monday, January 30th, 2017

Today, Disney may have announced that their animation department is in production on a number of new western-themed shorts films starring classic Disney characters. “As recent western films have shown,” said a person we overheard somewhere important, “there have been no quality recent western films, and the all-time number of western-themed animated films can be counted on one fist full of dollars.”

Disney’s slate of western cartoons — slated to be shown before upcoming Disney features — will be as follows:

  • “Butch Mickey and the Duckdance Kid”
  • “Pie Fight at the O.K. Corral”
  • “Paint Your Little Red Wagon”
  • “A Man Called Horsecollar”
  • “The Lone Junior Woodchuck”
  • “Pluto Unchained”
  • “Toonstone” (title changed from “High Toon” due to concerns about implications of drug use)
  • “The Good, the Bad, and the Goofy”
  • “Dances with Big, Bad Wolves”
  • “The Magnificent Seven Dwarfs”

If these are successful, Disney will follow with a series of science-fiction shorts, bridged by a sci-fi/western production, “Frontierlandworld.”

Hall of Presidents update

Friday, January 20th, 2017

In the light of growing unrest among Imagineers over the prospect of having to construct a Donald Trump animatronic for the Hall of Presidents, an unpresidented (pun intended) decision has been made. According to a woman high up in Imagineering who appeared to us in a dream and will be referred to as Bob, “Due to various Imagineers’ discomfort with creating an animatronic figure of our new President, the Walt Disney Company has decided to completely revamp Walt Disney World’s Hall of Presidents. The Hall of Presidents will have its final operating day on January 20, 2017, and will reopen on January 21, 2017, as an entirely new attraction, the Hall of Former Presidents.”

This is seen as a win for both staff and management, as the change will require only new signage. “This is not necessarily a permanent retheming,” added Bob. “The issue of the attraction’s ongoing identity will be revisited after the inevitable impeachment.”

It’s official

Friday, January 20th, 2017

It’s official: Disney World Imagineers must steel themselves for the emotionally difficult task of creating an animatronic Donald Trump and installing it in the Hall of Presidents.

“We have asked if we can put the Trump animatronic in the back, maybe facing a wall,” said one Imagineer on condition of our making clear that this is a fake news site and everyone at Disney is actually really, really excited about the new administration. “If that doesn’t work out, we’d like to make his Presidential speech 140 characters or less. You know, to match his style.”

In related news, it appears that Disney will face a 35% penalty tax if all of Epcot’s international employees aren’t replaced with (quoting dubious government sources) “Real Americans.” Construction on the wall around the Mexico pavilion starts Monday.