Archive for March, 2014

Postcard: Mark Twain — Rivers of America

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

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Dear Ethel: – Sorry I didn’t get to say good-bye – Have lots to tell you when I get home – This all seems like a dream – which of course it is – However quiete a pleasant one – We are about to ake a trip on this steamer – Just had lunch – see you next week

Love Vi

That’s how we feel, too, whenever we see a photo of Cascade Peak — like we’re in a pleasant dream. But, like many dreams, this one is destined to be rendered structurally unsound by termites and demolished. Sigh.

Funrates!

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

We are great fans and long-standing members of Touringplans.com. It’s an excellent place to get all of the data you need to fastidiously micro-manage your next Disney trip.

We thought it might be interesting to take some of the data that Touringplans cranks out and use it to generate the standard Funrate for all of Disneyland’s most popular attractions. As industry insiders know, a “Funrate” is the ratio of the total number of minutes you spend at an attraction (including the queue) to the total number of minutes you spend actually enjoying an attraction (not including the queue). This assumes that any time you spent on, in, or participating in an attraction is enjoyed, any time waiting to enjoy the attraction is not enjoyed, and there is no travel time involved to get to the attraction in the first place. Strictly, this may not be the case, but we assume the entire concept was dreamed up by an economist, and you know how they are.

In short, an attraction’s Funrate is the cost in minutes for each minute spent enjoying an attraction. The closer to 1, the better. Theoretically, the best attractions are those with the lowest Funrate.

That said, here are all of Disneyland’s main attractions listed by their Funrate on a randomly chosen day last month.

Attraction Funrate
Chip ‘n Dale Tree 1.00
Disney Gallery 1.00
Donald’s Boat 1.00
Goofy’s Playhouse 1.00
Main Street Cinema 1.00
Mickey’s House 1.00
Minnie’s House 1.00
Sleeping Beauty Castle Walkthrough 1.00
Tarzan’s Treehouse 1.00
Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island 1.11
Innoventions 1.25
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh 1.38
Mark Twain Riverboat 1.39
“it’s a small world” 1.43
Davy Crockett’s Explorer Canoes 1.45
Disneyland Railroad 1.45
Sailing Ship Columbia 1.50
Pirates of the Caribbean 1.65
Disneyland Monorail 1.67
Main Street Vehicles 1.71
Jungle Cruise 1.80
Haunted Mansion 2.08
Indiana Jones Adventure 2.15
Splash Mountain 2.16
King Arthur Carrousel 2.25
Captain EO 2.29
Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage 2.31
Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters 2.33
Enchanted Tiki Room 2.34
Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln 2.43
Star Tours: The Adventures Continue 2.43
Casey Jr. Circus Train 2.63
Matterhorn Bobsleds 2.69
Storybook Land Canal Boats 2.97
Pinocchio’s Daring Journey 3.17
Space Mountain 3.55
Pixie Hollow 3.70
Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride 3.88
Autopia 4.28
Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin 4.56
Alice in Wonderland 5.13
Mad Tea Party 5.33
Gadget’s Go Coaster 6.25
Big Thunder Mountain Railroad 7.14
Snow White’s Scary Adventures 7.63
The Royal Hall 9.20
Dumbo the Flying Elephant 9.23
Peter Pan’s Flight 9.92
Astro Orbitor 10.00
Meet Anna and Elsa from Frozen 19.00

After analyzing all of this, one lesson is clear: there’s a reason for those crowds of economists hanging around in Toontown.

Postcard: America’s first daily-operating monorail

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

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PS. Going to Las Vegas on thurs. Going to San Francisco Wed.

June 16th

Hi:

Am really enjoying my visit to Sunny Southern Cal. – have seen many spots like the “Scarlet Garter” – but didn’t have such good looking gentlemen to me this time. Will have lots to tell you. Rose

This woman needs go get her mind out of the gutter and enjoy Disneyland. No wonder she’s going to Vegas and San Francisco next — she’s obviously some kind of wild woman.

Postcard: Freight Train

Monday, March 10th, 2014

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July 5, 1959

Hi! Everyone.

Just a note to let you know we’re having a wonderful time – See you soon,

Arlene, Francis & Patty

We don’t know who Disneyland thought they were fooling with this postcard. Look at Frontierland station today — the building is on the opposite side of the tracks and inaccessible to guests, and the train doesn’t even have cars that look like that. We must admit that the model or painting or whatever this is looks pretty good, though.

All eyes on WonderGround

Saturday, March 8th, 2014

Starting this weekend, the WonderGround gallery at Disneyland’s Downtown Disney will begin selling a number of accessories to accentuate their fine-art offerings. For example, many guests find that the appearance of a $350 limited-edition Giclée print can be enhanced with a pair of $7 stick-on giant googly eyes.

The Bride (with eyes)

Other offerings include adapters that allow you to hang pictures at an angle, fish-filled novelty frames, and special non-staining “canvas chalk” so you can add your own improvements to your priceless artwork.

Postcard: Matterhorn — Tomorrowland

Friday, March 7th, 2014

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Dear Mil,

we went here yesterday + had a ball for little money we saw the home of tomorrow which was mostly made of plastic, went in the Jungle rid + monorail. The main-street was 1900, everything in 5/8 scale. Saw Indian dances, Tom Sawyers Island and much mor. also went to Marineland where trained Whales, seals etc perform. off to San Diego tomorrow.

Love Peggy

A partial list of the errors in this bit of correspondence:

  • Nobody since the beginning of time has ever gone to Disneyland “for little money.” Not even if they worked there.
  • It’s not “home of tomorrow,” it’s “Monsanto House of the Future.”
  • It’s not “mostly made of plastic,” according to park literature, the MHotF was “made of mankind’s hopes and dreams for a better tomorrow” and fiberglass.
  • 1900 what? Feet long? Dollars? It’s just not clear.
  • If everything was 5/8 scale, you wouldn’t be able to get into the vehicles and you’d smack your head on every doorway and lamppost.
  • It’s Tom Sawyer Island. Come on, people.
  • They didn’t go to Marineland. Nobody did. That’s why it closed.
  • “Love Peggy” is an imperative statement, and although possibly a nice thought or sentiment, is hardly appropriate as a salutation.

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

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Dear Wesley,

Having a nice time in California. The weather is 70° degrees in the day time.

Hate to come back to Ohio with all the snow.

See you next week.

Love,
Don Grace + Cherri

If it’s seventy degrees in California, where are they getting the snow they say they’re returning to Ohio with? And why do they hate to bring it back?

Postcard: Sleeping Beauty’s Castle

Wednesday, March 5th, 2014

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Hi. How goes it? We are seeing the sights of the west.

Hot! Hot!

Nice today in Calif.

Mary

Mary apparently writes of herself in the second person and thinks Tinker Bell is particularly “hot.” This was reasonably unusual in 1959.

Postcard: Jungle River Cruise

Tuesday, March 4th, 2014

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Hope that you are better Kennie has been wanting to send you a card, but every time I think about it I cant get one. How are your Jellies hope that you are O.K. and that every thing is coming along fine. It is nice and warm here, but will have to leave soon Be home

the of Love Alma

It’s not entirely clear if the “the of” is supposed to be part the signature or if it’s intended as an insertion into the line above it, which would make the sentence read, “It’s nice and warm here, but will have to leave soon the Be of home.” Not a particularly significant improvement, really.

Postcard: Sleeping Mark Jungle Tomorrowland

Monday, March 3rd, 2014

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Having a wonderful time here Daddy is as brown as a bunny & enjoying every menuti. Was at the’s place on Sunday with Candy & Ron. Daddy led not go. As there is to much walkint but I had a good time. The weather is something to Asian about home the work to Ascafs in the 80 will be home as the 27th of this month

Love to all Mum + Dad

“Every menuti?” “Daddy led not go?” Four pictures on the postcard to discuss, and they instead opt for near-complete incomprehensibility. It approaches unbelievability that it actually took two people to write this.