Frozen Assets

Over the last weekend, the total global box office receipts for Frozen passed $800 million, which means that if the movie were a nation its annual GDP would exceed that of 91% of the world’s countries, putting it in 17th place, right above Turkey (and with its eye on Indonesia).

All of this attention has rumors swirling about the possibility of a Frozen attraction appearing at one or more of Disney’s theme parks. According to a portion of commenters on the Official Unofficial LEGOLand Fanblog Discussion Forum’s “Other” subsection, Disney may be planning a reskinning of the Epcot’s Norway Pavilion’s Maelstrom attraction. The overlay would be fairly simple — little more than redecorating a few trolls as princesses and snowmen and installing equipment to freeze all the water — but might cause more problems than it solves. “The little movie shown after the attraction would just be that much more confusingly contextless,” said a person clutching a tiny Norway flag on a stick and looking at it wistfully. “There are already too many people who either walk on out without seeing it or emerge from the theater with a glazed look in their eyes. Also, the country of Norway sponsors the pavilion and we don’t want to upset them — particularly when their military power is almost equal to that of Disney.”

A far more appetizing option (with not apologies for the pun) would be to convert the Akershus (gesundheit) princess breakfast into an exclusively Frozen themed one. This would be another easy change, necessitating only turning down the thermostat a tad more, swapping in two new princesses, and replacing the current smorgasbord with a selection of frozen foods. “I would welcome the change,” said Arial, one of the princesses often found in the current breakfast. “I wouldn’t mind being transferred to another part of one of the parks — preferably one without such an emphasis on eating fish.”

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