Approximately many, many thousands of people have written to us asking why Billy Hill and the Hillbillies are retiring. After copious research in an attic pile of old magazines, we learned that there are several key reasons for their departure, namely:
- The rising cost of bow hair.
- Could no longer suppress their love for a good polka.
- Asked one too many times if their parents’ last names were Barty and Burke.
- Didn’t want to inspire any more of those annoying internet memes.
- Have had enough of the soulful looks from Farley the Fiddle Player.
- The constant being hit upon by gorgeous, adoring young fans.
- Have finally accepted that Wally Boag isn’t coming back.
- Sick and tired of British tourists referring to them as “The Willies.”