How to celebrate Billy Hills’ final performances

Music fans, frequent Disneyland visitors, and the good half of Congress were all traumatized this week when it was announced that, after 20 years of forcing joy upon all those within earshot, Disneyland’s Billy Hill and the Hillbillies would be retiring after the 2013 holiday season. In honor of this sad milestone, Billy Hill and the Hillbillies fans (or “Hillbilliebers,” as they are known) have some suggestions to make these final performances truly special.

  1. Bring along a bag of novelty hillbilly teeth and make sure that everyone in the audience has a pair.
  2. If someone tries to leave during a performance, have your whole group turn and give them a death glare until they come to their senses and sit back down.
  3. If there’s a lull before the performance, start a bandana wave.
  4. Before the show starts, get everyone to sing the official Billy Hill and the Hillbillies theme song (“So clap your hands, and stomp your feet and try to keep right with em. One sure thing the Billy’s got is good old country rhythm,” etc.)
  5. At the end of a performance, light your lighter, set an ear of corn on fire, and hold it above your head.
  6. Slug anyone who yells “Freebird!”
  7. Promise to name your children after them.

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