Disney Lies

The moment you’ve been waiting for is here! The new DisneyLies.com book, 396 Pure, Unadulterated, Dyed-In-The-Wool, 100% Made-Up, Completely Fake Disneyland “Facts”, is now available for purchase. Copiously illustrated and full of unreliable text, it’s guaranteed to be nearly entirely in English and 100% full of stuff!

What Jungle Cruise jokes can’t they tell you? Who are the Fra. Junipero Serra Memorial Dance Crew? Where can you find wicker toilet paper? If you had a copy of 396PUDITW100MUCFDF you’d already know!

396 Pure, Unadulterated, Dyed-In-The-Wool, 100% Made-Up, Completely Fake Disneyland “Facts” won’t be available in paperback on Amazon for a few weeks, so if you want to order it for everyone on your holiday list you have two options:

• Buy a paperback from Lulu
• Get it for your Kindle on Amazon

(By the way, if you’re a total cheater-pants who likes to see what it is that they are buying, you can use the Amazon link and then click “Look inside” to read some of the book before deciding to raid the kids’ college fund and buy a few cases of ’em.)

Deborah, who is proofreading and spell checking the final manuscript of 396 Pure, Unadulterated, Dyed-In-The-Wool, 100% Made-Up, Completely Fake Disneyland “Facts” for us, has asked us to pass along this special message:

“The people who came up with the spelling and punctuation used in Disneyland attractions should die in an elevator in the basement of a burning building.”

Thanks, Deborah!

After placing the copious illustrations in 396 Pure, Unadulterated, Dyed-In-The-Wool, 100% Made-Up, Completely Fake Disneyland “Facts”, we realized that we didn’t have enough info on this fellow:

Can anyone provide us with a personal recollection of seeing the Haunted Mansion’s “Catbox Ghost”?

Thanks (and happy turkey day!)

We know that the Matterhorn queue nearest Tomorrowland has the fastest ride, but which queue is the one that smells best?

Thanks!

In the original Frontierland, were the carts in the Horsetopia on rails, or could kids direct their ponies to go wherever they liked?

Thanks!

Can anyone recall when the Main Street candy shop started bottling the scent it pumps into the street and selling it as a perfume?

Thanks!

Where did all the leftover concrete go when they hollowed out the Matterhorn to build the roller coaster?

Thanks!

In what year did the Haunted Mansion incident occur during which a couple was making out during the attraction and, upon exiting, found a bloody hook embedded in the side of their Doombuggie?

Thanks!

Another question from the team fact-checking 396 Pure, Unadulterated, Dyed-In-The-Wool, 100% Made-Up, Completely Fake Disneyland “Facts”: When Disney announced the Pirates of the Caribbean overlay for next year’s Star Wars Week, they mentioned several characters that would appear in the attraction, including Darth Cutlas, Arr2-D2, and Captain Han Sparrow. Can you remember the rest of their names? And do any of you have a copy of the leaked script for the revised “Buy an Imperial Slave” scene (“We wants the bun-head!” and all that)?

Another question: At the Star Trader shop in Tomorrowland, have they finally gotten replacement Build Your Own R2 Unit parts, or are they still plagued by bad motivators?

Thanks!

We’re deep in the final fact-checking process of putting together our new book, 396 Pure, Unadulterated, Dyed-In-The-Wool, 100% Made-Up, Completely Fake Disneyland “Facts” and could use some assistance.

For many years, Wally Boag was the chief funny man of the Golden Horseshoe Review. As part of the show, he used to tell a very long, very funny joke, the punch line of which was, “The Aristocats!” Can anyone remember how it goes? We can’t recall and we want to mention it in our book. If memory serves, they did a documentary about this joke some years ago, but we can’t seem to find it.

Thanks!