Nets to you, guests!

The internet was all abuzz last week after Disneyland — apparently at the behest of secretive, behind-the-scenes lawyer types — added distracting, view-obscuring netting all around one of the park’s original attraction vehicles. Don’t know what we’re talking about or unsure what the fuss is all about? Take a look at this!

What is that all around the edges of this Tom Sawyer Island raft, from stem to stern, from rail to river? That’s right — Netting!

Said commenter DisPurist1955 on the ThawWalt.com discussion board:

I actually, literally broke down and cried when I saw this. How can they take one of the symbols of my childhood and so thoroughly desecrate and denature it on the altar of visionless corporate anti-consumerism?

According to a source who is said to know someone who once dated a Disney lawyer, the park claims that the nets were added because (and we quote), “guests on the Rafts to Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island attraction will sometimes reach over the side of the raft while it is in motion and put their hands in the waters of the Rivers of America, which — due to the large population of uninvited water fowl and other uncontrollable factors — is considered to be a class-two minor health hazard by the Federal Department of Toxins, Poisons, and Carnival Foods. There have also been incidents in which guests have dropped cameras, hats, shoes, purses, toddlers, and other objects over the side of a Raft, resulting in both complaints and burdensome paperwork.”

Responding to this excuse, poster churroguzlr on the LaughingManiacallyPlace.com discussion board commented:

This is completely unacceptable. Walt Disney did things for a reason, and that reason was wisdom and awesomeness! When you mess with His vision, you destroy something simple and pure. Do you think that the real Tom Sawyer had a raft with ungainly nets all around it, ruining sight lines for children and disabled American veterans in wheelchairs? No way!

Right here, right now, we need to get together and add our voices to a petition to end this madness at Disneyland. In particular, we need to demand that park management immediately:

  • Restore the Tiki Room show to its original length.
  • Reconvert the Disneyland Railroad to coal power.
  • Bring back the dancing Indians.
  • Get rid of “Captain” Jack Sparrow and restore Pirates’ complete allotment of sexism.
  • Give Big Thunder a humorous narration track and a 5 MPH speed limit.
  • Add massive balloon releases to all parades.
  • Dynamite Toontown.
  • Reintroduce the ticket book system.
  • And, of course, get rid of the nets on the rafts!

Do you agree or want to add to this list? Let us know in the comments!

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3 Responses to “Nets to you, guests!”

  1. Becky says:

    Fully restore the fort! Guns! Secret passage! Talking maniquins!

  2. Hunter Dan says:

    I liked it when the Frontierland shooting gallery used real bullets (pellets. whatever).

  3. Noremac says:

    What? No! Restore the orange groves! Bring back the citrus fields like it was in the (G)OLD DAYS

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