Archive for May, 2012

Nerf!

Thursday, May 31st, 2012

Among Disneyland castmembers, there is a long-standing tradition of telling jokes about Nerf — a stereotypically foolish Disneyland employee. For your entertainment, we’ve collected a few of the more popular Nerf jokes here. Feel free to add any others you might know in the comments!

  • Nerf is so dumb that he brings an umbrella to the Tiki Room.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he describes Dumbo as “never the same ride twice!”
  • Nerf is so dumb that he bought insurance so he could ride Autopia.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he thinks it’s the actual Matterhorn.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he thinks Tarzan’s Treehouse came after Tarzan’s Onehouse and Tarzan’s Twohouse.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he thinks the name of Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters is funny because it has “ass” in it.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he thinks any guest in mouse ears is a hidden Mickey.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he reports “pin traitors” to management.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he keeps asking when the Skyway will be out of refurb.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he thinks Splash Mountain was based on the movie Splash.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he keeps asking if the subs have found Nemo yet.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he doesn’t know where the name Disneyland came from.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he thinks the 7 o’clock parade starts at 4:15.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he wants to know what happened to the Casey Sr. circus train.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he thinks the water in the Rivers of America is good for the environment because it’s “green.”
  • Nerf is so dumb that he refers to the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh’s exit as “the place where Pooh comes out.”
  • Nerf is so dumb that he can’t remember the name of the song they play in “it’s a small world.”
  • Nerf is so dumb that he uses two hands to point with two fingers.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he thinks New Orleans Square is actually square.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he thinks the Haunted Mansion is haunted, Toontown is a real town, and the Jungle Cruise is hilarious.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he thinks Space Mountain only operates at night.
  • Nerf is do dumb that he thinks Goofy is a face character.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he asked Lincoln for an autograph.
  • Nerf is so dumb that he invented “churro on a stick.”
  • Nerf is so dumb that he claps his hands and stomps his feet along with “Two Brothers.”
  • Nerf is so dumb that he has to stop the carrousel to ask for directions.

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CALIFORNIA for rent!

Wednesday, May 30th, 2012

As part of the massive remake of Disney California Adventure, the gigantic “California” letters that once graced the park’s entrance have been removed. Instead of tossing the letters into an industrial shredder, locking them away in the company’s massive “history vault” salt-mine bunker complex, or disposing of them on Craigslist, Disney has made them available for rent to any business or organization that might have a use for them.

Said someone in a green visor from an accounting department, “Disney’s parks department has to look for new, non-traditional ways to earn cash. In the past, they’ve just raised admission prices whenever additional finances are needed, but some guests — particularly those for whom ‘renewing my annual pass’ is swiftly becoming synonymous with ‘giving up regular meals’ — have started to notice.” Renting out old equipment could go a long way toward helping Disney reach its financial goals.

The word-rental program was an instant hit for the company. Even though the prices are steep and don’t include shipping, numerous companies have signed up for their chance to display the letters at their business or event. Some participants include:

  • Corporate design firm A Flair Icon
  • Manufacturers of the Facial Iron wrinkle-removing device
  • Anti-discrimination hotline Racial Info
  • Anti-government-brainwashing headgear makers Crania Foil
  • Makers of Farina Coil, “the spring-loaded breakfast”
  • Airfoil Can spray airplane surface repair
  • Orca Finial (an architectural design firm specializing in sea-themed ornamentation)
  • The A Frail Coin antique and collectible coin shop
  • Owners of the Falcon Air I stunt jet
  • Organizers of Coal Fair, Indiana

It’s not clear why any of these groups would want giant “CALIFORNIA” letters, but if their business helps DCA stay afloat, we’re all for it!

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Brave new rating

Tuesday, May 15th, 2012

Disney/Pixar is/were very disappointed to learn that the MPAA (Moving Picture Arbiters of America) had assigned Pixar’s new film Brave a rating of PG, which could seriously impact the appeal of the animated feature to preschoolers who wish to attend without their parents.

In their official statement, the MPAA said that that their published guidance for the film would read: “It is recommended that parents exercise discretion. This film has received a PG rating for feminist violence, male cross dressing, weird accents, and brief, gratuitous haggis.”

When contacted for an official statement, the MPAA appeared to believe that Scotland was an imaginary place created by Disney for the purposes of this film. Said their representative, “Children are naturally going to find scenes and images of children defying parental authority upsetting enough without having to set the whole thing in a place where standard laws of normal society are turned on their head and everyone talks like Scrooge McDuck. The film might have garnered a G rating had it taken place somewhere normal like Europe.”

At press time, official reaction from the Scottish ambassador to the United Nations was an unprintable insult followed by a vague threat of invasion.

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The Avengers: trivia time!

Thursday, May 10th, 2012

Disney’s The Avengers is, by many standards, a successful film. In its honor, we present a number of interesting Avengers-related facts.

  • The Avengers is projected to have larger total gross ticket sales than any previous film (according to Barks Brothers, an almost unbelievable one multiplujillion, nine obsquatumatillion, six hundred twenty-three dollars and sixty-one cents).
  • According to an accountant we met who was wearing Mickey Mouse ears, the opening-weekend earnings for The Avengers came as no surprise to Disney. As he puts it, “The opening weekend for The Avengers was approximately equal to the total of the opening weekends of The Hulk, Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America, which is exactly what you’d expect.”
  • Although there will not be any Avengers-related theme-park attractions at Walt Disney World (Universal Studios owns the rights to all Marvel properties in the state of Florida, which is why an alternate version of The Avengers is showing in that state), Disney California Adventure is revamping a currently unused building to rush the opening of a new “Who Wants to be an Avenger?” game show.
  • For the British release of the film, Natasha Romanoff was renamed Emma Peel.
  • Captain America is the oldest of the Avengers, but he was made to look young through the use of CGI.
  • Hawkeye’s character’s name is a nod to director Joss Whedon’s love for the old M*A*S*H television show.
  • Tom Hiddleston revealed that his performance as Loki was in part inspired by his earlier performance as Mr. John Plumptre in Miss Austen Regrets.
  • The Hulk’s roar is an audio combination of the roars of Lou Ferrigno and Thurl Ravenscroft.
  • Samuel L. Jackson — who played Nick Fury — came up with the idea of having “giant mother-effing alien robot snakes invade this mother-effing plane of existence.”
  • In a scene that ended up on the cutting-room floor, Thor is seen casually dressed in an MC Hammer t-shirt (in the same way that Captain America is seen in the film wearing a Jimmy Buffett shirt).
  • As of Wednesday, the Iron Man theme song (“Iron Man, Iron Man, does whatever an iron can”) is the #1 download on iTunes.
  • Iron Man’s computer JEEVES is voiced by Stephen Fry.
  • The character Black Widow has been directly responsible for more divorces, breakups, and truncated dates than any other character in film history.
  • In a post-credits scene, comic-book legend Stan Lee has a cameo as Thanos.
  • The success of the film has ensured that there will be a sequel. The Avengers Down Under will be released in 2015.

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Secret Restroom tribute

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012

Now that Disneyland’s Secret Restroom has been closed (so that it can be converted to the Princess Fantasy Princess Restroom), we are proud to announce that we’ve redesigned our sister site, Disneyland’s Secret Restroom. If you have memories, stories, or photos about the Secret Restroom, we’d love to hear them!

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