Tiki Room, Under Old Management

Some months ago, a fire in the massive subterranean Walt Disney World computer complex destroyed the circa-1998 laptop computer that ran Magic Kingdom’s Tiki Room attraction. Because of the extent of the damage, quite a lot of the “Under New Management” overlay would have to be repaired or replaced, and executives — citing recent guest complaints — decided they could both save money and increase attendance by returning to the old “classic” Tiki Room show instead.

Although it was originally estimated that repairing the attraction would take a year or more, the new, retro-improved Tiki Room opened last week after less than a month of construction. “It was like a miracle,” said a person with shifty eyes whose badge had the word “lead” hastily written on it in pencil. “The Tiki Room reopened in record time and guests couldn’t be more thrilled. And it was all done so quickly because, uh, you know, because we’re awesome! That’s right — it’s because we’re awesome! That’s all there is to it!”

Ironically, across the country Disneyland’s Enchanted Tiki Room has been closed for almost a month and has no projected date for reopening. Said a tearful person in a Hawaiian shirt, “I just can’t explain it. It was all so sudden!  One day the Tiki Room is there and the next, gone! I distinctly remember it being here, right here, behind the pineapple juice stand. I know we didn’t bring it anywhere and I don’t see how we could have misplaced it. And the timing was horrible! The whole thing disappeared during the night right before we were going to show it to the nice folks who came all the way from Disney World to take notes so they could rebuild <em>their</em> Tiki Room. They were so disappointed they didn’t even wait for morning — they just left in their convoy of big-rig trucks and headed back to Florida without even saying goodbye.”

If Disneyland’s Tiki Room is not found in short order, it will have to be rebuilt. Park management says that this will be treated not as a problem, but as an opportunity, and hinted that the recreated Tiki Room show may be “plussed” with avian characters from some popular Disney films. What an awesome idea! We can’t wait to see how it turns out!

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