“it’s a small miracle cure”

When Disneyland’s “it’s a small world” attraction was officially dedicated, Walt Disney himself was on hand to oversee a ceremony in which children poured jugs of water from all the world’s rivers into the attraction’s canal. At the time, this was considered to be a largely symbolic gesture. Little did anyone realize its far-reaching implications.

The science behind what happened next is subtle and complex, so instead of trying to explain it ourselves we present a direct quote from a recent press release by Pluto Minimax, Director of the International Center for Promotion of Complementary and Alternative Medicalish Treatment-Style Interactions to the Fullest Extent Allowed by Law:

In 1966 when Disneyland’s “it’s a small world” attraction opened, its rivers flowed with water taken from the rivers of the world. Each of these waters had its own specific properties and teemed with indigenous bacteria and their resulting waste products. Over the years, water was added to the river to account for loss due to evaporation and splashing, and the attraction has been completely drained several times as part of scheduled refurbishments. However, even when drained a certain amount of the original water clung to the walls of the fiberglass attraction trough, inadvertently mimicking the Korsakoff method of dilution.

The consequence of this is that the water in Disneyland’s “it’s a small world” attraction has, without any conscious guide, become a medicinally active 20C homeopathic dilution of the water from every major river on the planet. Because homeopathic treatments cure those conditions their ingredients cause, the Disney “iasm” 20C preparation should prove to be powerful protection against botulism, cholera, E. coli, dysentery, typhoid, and a whole host of other malaise.

An additional benefit of “iasm” 20C is that, by a 1938 United States law, homeopathic medicines don’t have to go through all the trouble of FDA approval and need not meet any standards for safety or efficacy, so it’s available to start curing guests’ exotic waterborne conditions immediately.

There may be some concern that once the powers of this water are publicized the liquid will quickly be depleted. However, so long as Disneyland continues to add water to the “it’s a small world” system, this natural preparation’s potency will not decrease, but will in fact increase over time.

In a follow-up to this research, calculations are being conducted to discover whether the Submarine Lagoons’ water is ready to be used for its 1960s-era mermaid power.

Although we are intrigued by this announcement, we recommend that you ask Disneyland management’s permission before you begin filling jugs with “it’s a small world” water and giving it to your children.

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