Making life safe for Alice

Disneyland announced yesterday that the Alice in Wonderland attraction would be closed for a few days so that they could install handrails on the recommendation of OSHA (which, according to a tearful blond child in a blue dress who was on the scene, stands for Overlords of Satan’s Hateful Anklebiters). Apparently, there was a complaint filed by the mother of a young girl who, while walking up the winding path of “leaves” outside the attraction in pursuit of a rabbit, fell down a rabbit hole and (likely due to a blow to the head) suffered from delusions of fighting living cards and chess pieces and meeting Johnny Depp. Later the mother admitted that her daughter had often dreamed about Johnny Depp before the accident as well, but Disney decided to go ahead and install some hand rails, just in case.

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