Archive for May, 2010

World of Color removed from World of Color

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

Disney corporate commander Bob “Robert” Iger was recently treated to a preview of DCA’s new “World of Color” water extravaganza. Apparently, according to unnamed individuals who just happened to be operating a high-tech listening device pointed in his direction from a balcony of the Paradise Pier hotel, Iger generally enjoyed the show but was displeased that it was based around the theme song from the old “The Wonderful World of Color” television show.

Apparently, Iger is worried that the old theme song will seem out of place with the park’s shiny new retro look. Fortunately, Imagineers were up to the task of a last-minute retooling of the attraction. The old theme song has been replaced with Lady GaGa’s “Just Dance.” In addition, a scene of Mickey dancing with cards from “Thru the Mirror” has been reworked to feature snippets of “Poker Face,” and Beauty and the Beast dance to “Bad Romance.”

“Now that gets my toes tapping!” said Iger (as reported by a distant lip reader with binoculars). There is no word on whether there is time to change the show’s name from World of Color to World of GaGa before opening night.

Cinderella lives!

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

Rumor has it that Disney is working on a live-action remake of 1950’s animated masterpiece Cinderella. According to our sources, Johnny Depp is in negotiations to play the prince, Ilene Woods will reprise her role as the title character, and the part of the fairy godmother will go to either Harvey Fierstein, John Pinette, or (as a last resort) John Travolta.

Due to concerns that boys may not be interested in the film due to Cinderella’s association with princesses, the 3D, live-action movie will be titled Kick Ash.

Politics at Disneyland?

Friday, May 14th, 2010

Take a close look at this poster, which can be seen in a scene passed by the Disneyland Railroad.

Coincidence? Subtle pro-President propaganda? Reference to obscure figure in Western history? Can anyone explain this? Could it be that we have located Disneyland’s first “hidden Obama?”

Cupcake madness!

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

Disneyland has come a long way in recent years, and there have been many improvements, but there are still some things that need urgent attention but are somehow being ignored. For example, take a look at these cupcakes from Disneyland’s Main Street candy store.  See the column of cakes second from the left? Now look at the far right at the row of cupcakes you can just make out reflected in the glass. Both of these rows feature cupcakes that do not have Mickey toppers. No problem there — or so you would think, until you realize that these two columns of thematically linked cakes are completely separated from each other by four columns of cupcakes with Mickey toppers!!!!

What the heck kind of grouping is that? Who’s in charge in this place? Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses? It’s just a hop, skip, and a jump from anarchy!

Seriously, we want to hear from a cast member who can reassure us that not only has this hideous situation been rectified, but that policies have been put in place to prevent its reocurrance. If you have the authority to issue such a statement, please send it to us via certified mail or leave it in this post’s comments.

Mighty Missing Power Rangers

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

Today, via secret undistributed shadow press release, the Walt Disney Company announced that it is selling the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers back to the series’ creator, Haim “Haim Sandwich” Saban.

Although it was difficult to hear Disney Press Correspondent Pinky Powers over the cheers of the Disney faithful, she was able to reveal details of the sale. “Disney is in no way regretful for accidentally purchasing the Power Rangers while paying far too much for the Fox Family Channel,” said Powers. “The Rangers are the embodiment of such Disney-approved qualities as equality amongst people of outfits of all colors, and good, clean violence toward giant monsters. In the spirit of helping the Rangers make a smooth transition back to their original family, this morning Disney paid Haim Saban $126 million for his agreement to reacquire the characters, and the Power Rangers were escorted out of Disney’s Hollywood Studios to be debriefed and have their annual passes canceled.”

Although it might sound at first sight like this was an amicable breakup, we could feel that the story stunk of cover-up, leaving a bad taste in our mouth. After the press conference, we confronted Pinky Powers with our suspicions, and she revealed the truth on the condition that we neither use her name nor mention that we got the story from her.

“The real story is that Disney had become completely disenchanted with the Power Rangers,” said Powers. “At first there was this excitement about adding the Rangers to the stable of heroes Disney recently acquired from Marvel. The idea was that there was to be this big reality-style television show with a ‘last hero standing’ kind of theme. A Power Ranger would battle a Marvel hero, with the winner remaining to fight the next opponent until everyone on one team had been beaten. On the first day of taping, the Pink Ranger was set to fight Wasp from the Avengers — kind of a ‘girl fight’ to get the thing going. Pink lasted like three minutes, then Wasp took out Blue in about another five. She took on Green, Yellow, and Red all at once after that, but it was no contest. Wasp was the last hero standing and all the Rangers were crying into their helmets not half an hour before the thing started. Talk about embarrassing! The Hulk, Iron Man, Spider-Man — why couldn’t it have been one of them? At least then it would make more sense. But Wasp? And not just Wasp, but Wasp played by Olivia Munn? Disney couldn’t run from that PR train wreck fast enough.”

All Power Rangers merchandise has been removed from Disney stores, being temporarily replaced by far more profitable empty space.

New uniforms!

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

Along with the improvements to the river, Disneyland has rolled out new cast-member costumes for Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island staff. The new pilot’s costume (seen at left) is woodsy, attractive, clean, and in keeping with the island’s rustic nature. The on-island staff (seen at right) has costumes that are rugged but also easy to spot even on the most crowded days, during torrential rainfall, or at the bottom of a cave’s bottomless pit. Great stuff!

Hiding hidden Mickeys

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

One of the most delightful “hidden Mickeys” at Disneyland is in the riverboat painting that adorns a small building beside the Mark Twain’s dock. Well, that particular Mickey is delightful no longer. Just look where it was moved during the recent river refurbishment:

Notice the difference? Now you can’t see Mickey unless you are able to levitate — and the majority of park guests are unable to do that, particularly over water, and there’s no hope at all for those in wheel chairs and strollers!

We asked Elite Mousmasta, Disneyland’s head of Imagineering’s liason department’s interface to blogs’ management’s temporary assistant, why it is that this bit of joy was removed from Disneyland guests’ grasp. “To put it simply,” said Elite, “hidden Mickeys aren’t there for guests, they’re there for cast members. If you don’t have a boat and a ladder and access to the park after closing and a flashlight, then perhaps you should just take a hint that this particular inside joke was intended for a different audience.”

It’s not the first time Disney has removed a hidden Mickey from public view. Said Elite, “When Disney/MGM studios was first built, there was a gigantic hidden Mickey that could only be seen if you hovered over the park in a helicopter. Then guests discovered it with Google maps and other satellite-imaging tools, and it just ruined the fun for the rest of us. Why go to the trouble of taking the cast-member helicopter out for a spin if everyone and their brother can just see it online anyway? So we stuck a giant hat in the middle of it and otherwise removed its hidden Mickeyness. To heck wit it. These days, all we seem to have left are the hidden Mickeys back stage and the ones on castmember underclothing. But perhaps I’ve said too much.”

Disney only recognizes corrections from little girls

Monday, May 10th, 2010

A recent UPI story describes how a fourth grader spotted a grammar mistake in signage at Disney’s Animal Kingdom, prompting immediate response from management, including the shutting down of the attraction and erecting a safety perimeter until such time as corrective measures could be taken. Well goody for her.

It’s not that we’re bitter or anything, but we’ve been complaining to Disney for years, using every means of communication imaginable, about the horrible grammar mistake in their annual Haunted Mansion Holiday overlay, and we haven’t gotten so much as a “thank you” letter (and no, the restraining order doesn’t count). This revelation that Disney might have listened to us if we were a little girl is the last straw — we are sending the company an ultimatum. This year, if the grammatically obscene description of Jack’s decorations as “unlike no other” is not corrected in Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion Holiday, the entire staff of pledges that we will never, again, so long as any of us shall live, dump our deceased friends’ and relatives’ cremains in the Haunted Mansion. Not even once. So there.

Heroes of Toontown!

Friday, May 7th, 2010

Disneyland continues to experiment with promoting Disney’s recently acquired Marvel properties, including the new film Iron Man 2. In the spirit of this experimentation there will be surprise for guests visiting Toontown today. At several times during the day, the heroic Iron Mouse will fly into Toontown and sign autographs until he is interrupted by his arch nemesis, Whip Leg Pete! Mouse and Pete will then do battle along Toontown’s rooftops (aided by spectacular stuns and special effects).

It is rumored that there may also be an appearance by Duck Fury (agent of Q.U.A.C.K.) and Iron Mouse’s dear friend Goof “Goofy” Gooferson (a.k.a. Goof Machine).

Trivia: If you happen to visit Mickey’s house, you may catch a glimpse among his possession of the still-under-construction shield of the mighty Captain Toontown!

Midway Mania Update

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

DCA’s Toy Story Midway Mania attraction was designed so that its games could be updated as times changed or to celebrate certain holidays (such as February 14th’s heart-shaped targets in the attraction’s opening sequence, and the green army men’s stirring recreation of the 1944 Normandy invasion last Memorial Day). That system is really going to be put to the test come June 18, when the entire contents of the attraction will be replaced by the new film Toy Story 3!

Said Paula M. Poster (an honest-to-goodness, official, board-certified, Disney Imagineer who operates out of the trunk of a rusty Ford Pinto on Katella Avenue), “They’re just going to run the whole movie — in 3D! — on a continuous loop all day in the attraction. Guests will be able to watch the whole thing for free — free! — with a paid admission. The only downside is that they have to enjoy the free movie in five- to six-minute chunks so with average wait times it’ll take about 11 hours to see the whole thing. But it’s free!”