What’s in the river?

There has been much talk of interesting things that were found when Disneyland’s Rivers of America were drained a few months ago for maintenance. Here, according to indisputable anonymous sources that we have neither met nor corresponded with, is a partial list of interesting things dredged up from the river bottom:

  • Mud in assorted colors and flavors
  • What remains of the Mark Twain Mark I, which sank on Disneyland’s opening day
  • A bowling ball from the Haunted Mansion’s former subterranean bowling alley
  • Indisputable proof that it was indeed a mischievous young Kurt Russell who set the settler’s cabin on fire (his parents have been notified)
  • A coelacanth
  • A duck with a snorkel
  • Some 1.4 million cellphones, watches, wallets, and purses (these have been moved to the lost an found department where they can be claimed by their original owners — first come, first served)
  • Enough loose change to finance the DCA renovation
  • A crocodile with a banjo (possibly escaped from Splash Mountain)
  • The remains of various union representatives
  • Leeches. Barrels and barrels of leeches.


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