Archive for May, 2010

Pixar Canada

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Disney/Pixar Animation Studios has announced that they’ve opened a production studio in Vancouver, Canada, with the sole duty of creating animated shorts. The shorts will be available in a variety of sizes from XS to XXXL.

Prince of Persia promotion problem

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Disneyland and Walt Disney World planned to surprise park guests with a special promotion tied in to today’s release of Prince of Persia, Disney’s third video-game-inspired film (after Tron and Grand Theft Auto: Toontown). The promotion involved special “Sands of Time” tickets randomly distributed to guests who received FASTPASSes. According to the text on the tickets, a guest leaving an indicated attraction could give the ticket to any cast member and “be taken back in time to the point where you entered the vehicle loading area, exactly as if you had returned to the moment before you rode!” This effectively allowed a lucky guest to ride an attraction twice in a row while only standing in line once.

It sounded like a neat idea, something that would generate excellent online buzz, but there was a problem. Guests quickly began to balk when cast members attempted to take their Sands of Time ticket from them. As one guest put it, “If I’m traveling back in time, then I’m traveling back to a time when I had the ticket, not to a time when I didn’t have the ticket yet, so why should I have to give it up? And since I still have it when I get off the ride, why can’t I use it to travel back in time and ride again, like I’m in an infinite time loop? Then when I’m tired, I can just get off the ride and choose not to use the ticket, and I shouldn’t have to give it away when I didn’t use it, so there’s no situation in which I should have to let a cast member take my ticket.”

When guests who had won tickets began using this logical loophole to bring the queue at Expedition Everest (and, soon, other attractions) to a crawl, Disney realized they had to do something. The first thing they did was stop FASTPASS machines from giving out more tickets. The second thing they did was quickly inform cast members not to mention to guests that if the park is closing they could use their ticket to “go back in time” to just before the park closed and take another ride, then do it again, and again, and again, possibly keeping attractions open long into the night.

And the trouble doesn’t stop there. “We forgot to put expiration dates on the things,” said a suicidal-looking member of the team that brainstormed the Sands of Time promotion. “At this point, there’s nothing that can be done. We may have ruined Disney parks permanently.”

Extreme hotel makeover!

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Disneyland Resort’s Disneyland Hotel is in the midst of a gigantic makeover, significant details of which were recently released to a Disneyland fan base hungry for news that had nothing to do with water shows.

The Disneyland Hotel’s new theme will be “Disneyland Nostalgia” (replacing the current theme, “Things Named After the Former Owner’s Wife”).

As part of the new theme, the current Peter Pan pool overlay will be removed and replaced with a Jungle Cruise theme, allowing guests to, for the first time, actually bathe with the elephants, swim past the back side of water, and shoot at hippos! A “Great Swims with Mr. Lincoln” kiddie pool will be created in between the current pool and the waterfall slash koi ponds before the latter is demolished. The koi ponds will be completely reimagined as a small water park with slides created from the old Mark I monorails that have been sitting behind the Team Disney building for decades. The slides will be almost as tall as the monorails were long — some 60 feet — and will still have their seats and other interior fixtures intact, promising a wild, thrilling ride! For younger kids, a smaller, closer-to-the-ground Viewliner slide will also be available.

Worried about the fish that will be displaced by the new water park area? Don’t be! The koi will have a home in the new attraction. There will even be a fish ladder for those daring fish that want to give the slides a try!

The hotel’s three towers (Bonita, Conchita, and Chiquita) will be renamed for Disneyland lands and appropriately themed. The Toontown tower is being remodeled and redecorated so that the rooms and public areas have no flat surfaces or right angles. The Tomorrowland tower will feature omnidirectional turbolifts instead of elevators, and boast rooms with holographic television, sonic showers, and artificially intelligent lighting. And in the Frontierland tower, guests will be able to “rough it” in rooms with horsehair beds, dirt floors, and no maid service.

Edison Square: Clueless Guest

Thursday, May 27th, 2010

Wow! Due to the great reaction we got from yesterday’s post, Edison Square has said that we can post the lyrics to another one of their new songs. Enjoy!

Clueless Guest
(Apologies to Lady GaGa)

Ooooooh,
Stuck with a clueless guest
Ooooooh,
Stuck with a clueless guest

Oh-uh-ha-ha-ha
Where’s the, oh where’s the
Wait wha? Oh, uh uh
What a clueless guest.

Who huh? Na na na.
How’s the, who’s the wha?
When’s the, fa la la
What a clueless guest.

You might be ugly,
You might be diseased,
You might be badly dressed,
It’s okay with me
Unless you’re dense,
Dense, dense, dense,
Unless you’re dense.

Yes we sell water,
No churros aren’t free.
No I won’t watch your kid, oh don’t make a scene.
Please get a clue,
Clue, clue, clue
Please get a clue.

You ask for the bathroom,
While you stand in a bathroom,
Then you’re a real clueless guest.

You’re on the Mark Twain and look for stairs below deck,
So to me you are a clueless guest.
You ask me where to go for pictures with Shrek,
So to me you are a clueless guest.

Ooooooh,
Stuck with a clueless guest
Ooooooh,
Stuck with a clueless guest

Mouse ma fo fa fa
Ride the, ride the wha?
He ha, no no ma
What a clueless guest

Your kid’s way too short,
You say she’ll be fine.
Has safety ever even crossed your mind?
Please get a clue,
Clue, clue, clue
Please get a clue.

No you can’t climb that,
Please move through the gate.
The trash cans weren’t designed to hold a man’s weight.
You’re being dense,
Dense, dense, dense,
You’re being dense.

You know that I want to
Do what I can to help you
(‘Cause I’m a cast member, baby)
But you’re a real clueless guest.

You ask if Mickey’s house is okay for kids,
So to me you are a clueless guest.
You ask me where the Magic Mountain line is,
So to me you are a clueless guest.

Ooooooh,
Stuck with a clueless guest
Ooooooh,
Stuck with a clueless guest

Oh-uh-ha-ha-ha
Pi-rate, pi-rate huh
Wait wha? Oh, uh uh
What a clueless guest.

Who huh? Na na na.
Prin-cess, prin-cess huh
When’s the, fa la la
What a clueless guest.

Walk, walk, you can’t stand there,
There’s going to be a big parade here,
Walk, walk, you can’t stand there,
Traffic’s really backing up here.

Walk, walk, you can’t stand there,
Cross the rope and you can watch here,
Walk, walk, I can’t stand here,
No, go the other way lady!

Don’t want your love,
I just want you in line.
Don’t want your love,
I want you in your seat.
por favor mantenganse alejado de las puertas
permanecer sentados por favor

Please don’t run in the park.
(You are a clueless guest; you are a clueless guest)
Yes you have to wear shoes.
(You are a clueless guest; you are a clueless guest)
(Stuck with a clueless guest)

Don’t let your kids in the plants.
(You are a clueless guest; you are a clueless guest)
Don’t change your babe on the bench.
(You are a clueless guest; stuck with a clueless guest)
You are a clueless guest

You want to know if the dinos are real,
So to me you are a clueless guest.
You ask where you can get a cheap, healthy meal,
So to me you are a clueless guest.

Ooooooh,
What a clueless guest.
Stuck with a clueless guest
What a clueless guest.
What a clueless guest.
Stuck with a clueless guest

Mouse ma fo fa fa
Ride the, ride the wha?
He ha, no no ma
What a clueless guest

Edison Square: Without a Churro

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

Last weekend we attended Edison Square’s concert at the Mouse a GoGo and it was awesome (as usual). They unveiled a few new songs, and gave us permission to share with you the lyrics of our favorite, “Without a Churro” (passionately sung to the tune of U2’s “With or Without You”).

By the way, Edison Square has a strict “no recording” policy at their concerts, so we can’t put up a file for you to enjoy. However, in the spirit of Disney-fan camaraderie (and with the band’s permission) we’d like to invite you to send us an MP3 of your band playing this song (or another of Edison Square’s classics, like our favorite, “Welcome to the Jungle (Cruise)”). We’ll post the best entries to the blog with your name and a link to your site and then choose one to receive an autographed copy of Liar’s Guide to Disneyland and $50 American cash!

Without a Churro
(Apologies to U2)

From the moment we arrived,
Every line on every ride,
I went with you.

Stayed together while we ate,
Now it’s getting pretty late,
But I won’t leave with you.

Without a churro,
Without a churro.

On our feet 12 hours or more,
We had a snack but I want more,
Come on would it kill you?

Buy me a churro,
Buy me a churro,
Oh, I can’t live,
Without a churro.

They are cinnamon and sweet,
The taste lifts me off my feet,
As a snack,
As a snack,
As a snack they can’t be beat.

No ice-cream mouse,
No turkey leg, No popcorn tub,
They’re not what I want, so
Please don’t make me beg.

They should give the things away,
They should give the things away,
But that’s not,
But that’s not,
But that’s not the Disney way.

Without a churro,
Without a churro,
I can’t live,
Without a churro.

(Various cries of churroless suffering)

Without a churro,
Without a churro,
Oh, I can’t live,
Without a churro,
Without a churro.

Carrousel renaming

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

It has just been announced that WDW’s Magic Kingdom’s Cinderella’s Golden Carrousel is, effective June 1, being renamed Prince Charming Regal Carrousel. There was no indication of the status of other property distributed as part of the divorce settlement.

Towel Day!

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

Happy Towel Day, everyone! As per park tradition, anyone who jumps into Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom’s or Disneyland’s Rivers of America and goes in over their head at any time during normal park daylight operating hours today will receive a free commemorative towel to wear as they are escorted from the park. (Those who jump in after dark may receive their towel posthumously.)

Enjoy!

World of Color Blogger Protests!

Monday, May 24th, 2010

Our close, personal, online semi-acquaintances over at Theme Park Adventure have gone public with a blog post in which they make exactly, precisely clear why they will not be attending the Disney press event for the opening of World of Color at Disney’s California Adventure. It is an impassioned, gut-wrenching, tale of intrigue, betrayal, and abandonment revolving around Disney’s miserly withholding of all but one ticket to this press event. To quote from an imaginary but thematically related blog post, “Bleh!”

After due consideration, we at DisneyLies.com have decided to join Theme Park Adventure in not going to the premier of this new entertainment, not just because we feel that Disney should have more important considerations that cost and capacity when planning these events, but also because they even went so far as to never send us an invitation in the first place. Some might ask why a site such as DisneyLies that prefers to stay completely off Disneyland’s radar (in order to maintain our journalistic “integrity”) would even want an invitation, but there’s a big difference between desiring not to be sued into oblivion and not wanting to accept cool free stuff! In fact, if Disney would spend more time sending us awesome things we don’t need but can brag about out sell on eBay, perhaps we wouldn’t have felt the need to publish such articles as our recent “Robert Iger, Secret Zombie?” and “The Ducks of Disneyland: Their Diseases, Mutations, and Homicidal Urges.”

And we’re not the only ones joining in this protest. DisneyLies contacted (though secret means known only to professional bloggers) other prominent online content developers and asked if they would be attending this premier if offered only a single ticket. The response was incredible, ranging from “You’re aware that I live in Florida, right?” to “Why are you even writing to me?” to “554 permanent problems with the remote server.” Truly the online community has spoken!

We received one particularly impassioned reply from Peter “the Pan” Poultry at the Attraction Watchdog in Mom’s Basement Report: “There was a time when Disney would invite media from all over the country to fly down to Disneyland at their expense to attend grand parties for events as minor as the unveiling of a new Main Street trash-can paint scheme. They’d provide catered meals to us and as many guests as we could cram in a hotel suite, showing us an awesome time in return for a few choice ‘unbiased’ words on our blog. But now that the cheapskates have take over at Disney — quoting excuses about ‘shareholder value’ and ‘the economy,’ whatever that is — you’re lucky to get so much as a free jacket or tote bag to go along with your invitation. And the press events are toned down to the point that they hardly even have open bars any more, and how are you supposed to report on this kind of thing when you are sober? And just one invitation is just stupid. I need two assistants just to manage my luggage and churros. I’ll bet that if someone at ABC News wanted more than one pass they’d get it. It’s like those guys have some kind of secret ‘in’ with Disney or something.”

Now, some of you will say that Disney has every right to manage its press events as it pleases, or point out that even though original estimates for World of Color’s capacity were estimated at 9,000, they turned out to be more like 6,000 with viewing spots that have perfect conditions numbering in the dozens and this means that ideally only a limited number of press should attend. But what about history? What about loyalty? Theme Park Adventure has been reporting on Disney for almost-16 years, and DisneyLies.com has been at it for 7 (14 in dog years). But that’s nothing compared to some of the people that Disney snubbed on this occasion.

Let’s look at the grassroots Disney fan who I’m sure we can all agree is most deserving of an invitation to this grand event. Helena VanDerMcVonO’Donalley has been President of the Northern Arizona Mickey Mouse Club Fan Club from its inception back in 1955. Since that time, she has delivered the venerable “NAMMC FaCluNe: The Northern Arizona Mickey Mouse Club Fan Club Newsletter,” in hand-typed form to everyone on her dwindling list of fan-club members almost without fail whenever time and health permits. But did she receive an invitation to the World of Color premier? No. Although Helena was unable to comment on the situation (do to a persistent vegetative coma that overtook her in 2003), she is certainly disappointed. And even if she had been invited, would Disney have insisted that she be content with a single pass? Couldn’t she bring her nurse? Or her husband’s remains? Or someone to push her hospital bed around for her? And what if she had wanted to attend with her sons, Mickey and Donald, or her daughters, Minnie, Pluto, and Goofy, two of whom are not on speaking terms with her for reasons the family says should be obvious but who might have wanted to finally end their silly feud and allow Helen’s final days to be lived in familial unity if World of Color premier tickets were in the offering? But no, Disney would rather leave Helen and those like her to their misery rather than make the DCA lake a little bigger to accommodate everyone that really deserves to be included at this historic event.

So, in closing, good for you, Theme Park Adventure for sticking to your guns and rejecting an invitation that is really nothing more than a backhandedly flattering, highly desirable insult. We at DisneyLies will proudly not attend the event with you.

(Unless we’re invited, of course.)

Disney makes Marvel movies!

Thursday, May 20th, 2010

The success of Iron Man 2 means big money for Disney, but the company is not thrilled that distribution fees for the film are going to Paramount. And to make matters worse, contracts are in place that put distribution in non-Disney hands for upcoming Spider-Man, Thor, Captain America, The Avengers, Hulk, X-Men, Wolverine, Fantastic Four, Punisher, Ghost Rider, Ant-Man, Deadpool, Sgt. Fury, S.H.I.E.L.D., and Daredevil films, among others.

“We’re not out of the running, though,” said Stanly “Stan” Leeman, Disney’s supposed Marvel Productions press liaison. “Far from it. There are still plenty of properties in the Marvel universe ripe for film making, and Disney will concentrate on those until the contracts run out with those other distributors and our characters can finally come home to rest.

Marvel comics films currently in production by Disney include:

  • Starbrand
  • Luke Cage and The Falcon
  • Howard the Duck Returns
  • Power Pack 2099
  • Watching the Watcher (iMax 3D only)
  • Ocean Raves featuring The Little Mermaid, Nemo, and The Sub-Mariner (musical)
  • Ultimate Forbush Man

Lost peition lost

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

The Around Disney blog has an article looking at the recent online petition to have Disneyland’s Frontierland converted into “Lostland” as a tribute to the soon-to-be-defunct television show. Quoting (very) loosely from the post, “The petition gained a lot of signatures, but ultimately went nowhere. It broke up while in the air, never to be seen again, possibly eaten by a smog monster or polar bear or something.”

A Disneyland spokesperson speaking on condition of antimony tells us that the petition lacked the broad appeal necessary to convince Disneyland that it was worth more than the paper it wasn’t printed on. “That didn’t have to be the case,” said the spokesperson. “We’ve listened to online fans in the past, such as when we canceled plans for the ‘Rapping Abe Lincoln’ overlay on Main Street. And we’re still listening. There’s a current online petition demanding a course of action that we are in fact moving forward with (I’ll give you a hint — the oldest attraction in the park may soon be Betty White).”