Disney Lies

Best

• The Incredibles: Particularly the incredible fight scene between Mr. Incredible and Syndrome (it’s a blow-by-blow tribute to the fight scene in John Carpenter’s They Live, by the way).
• The Bear and the Bow: It hasn’t been released yet, but just the idea of Koda from Brother Bear learning to fight and striking back has us all excited.
• Finding Nemo: Based on Verne’s Mysterious Island.
• Ratatouille: Possibly the best film ever in which the title character is eaten.
• Cars: The Gary Numan soundtrack is awesome!
• Monsters, Inc.: Everyone cries when Mike’s mother is killed by “man.”

Worst

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Best

• Actually, we find that it’s best if you leave the park uninjured.

Worst

• Bruised ankles from a) standing in line in front of some nearsighted guy with a stroller, or b) psychotic duck attacks.
• Black lung from riding on the Haunted Mansion and accidentally inhaling some former guest’s cremains.
• Pin-trading punctures (commonly from forgetting that you aren’t wearing a lanyard).
• “small world” headache.
• Jungle Cruise pun overexposure.
• Battered wallet.
• Horrible bowel problems, massive weight loss, and eventual death after accidentally ingesting water from the Rivers of America.

Best

• Adventure Thru Inner Space: A perfect example of how you can fit a major attraction in a very, very small space.
• Mine Train Through Nature’s Wonderland: Who can forget the rainbow-flavored cavern or the Fess-Parker-shaped cactus?
• The Flying Saucers: Novel and thrilling! (Too bad they caused cancer.)
• Carousel of Progress: This massive animatronic presentation taught the science of electricity to a whole generation of kids. It was replaced by the (sadly short lived) Carousel of the Feynman Lectures in Physics.

Worst

• Rocket Rods: It turns out that a vehicle powered by army-surplus rockets just won’t stay on the old PeopleMover track.
• Mike Fink Keel Boats: So named for their tendency to “keel over.”
• Skyway to the Parking Lot: Unless you parked right next to it, really not all that convenient.

Best

• “Yo Ho (A Pirate’s Life for Me)”: Few people realize that the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction was originally sponsored by Life cereal.
• “Baroque Hoedown”: The Main Street Electrical Parade’s familiar theme is probably the best thing Kraftwerk ever did.
• “it’s a small world”: Banned in more countries than any other Disney song, but still a classic.
• “Swisskapolka”: Lively, toe-tapping, and far superior to Epcot’s “Norwegiankapolka.”
• “Grim Grinning Ghosts”: Here’s a hair-raising bit of trivia — when the Ohio Players were recording this song, a woman was murdered in the next room and her screams were kept on the soundtrack!!!

Worst

• “There’s a Great Big Beautiful Monsanto”: Easily Disney’s biggest musical sell out.
• “The Rikki-Tikki-Tavi Room”: This Tiki Room overlay didn’t last two months.
• “The Ballad of Davy Jones”: It was a horrible mistake to make Pirates of the Caribbean 3 a musical.
• “Stitch’s Great Escape Medley”: Mostly autotuned slobbering noises, this song somehow musically conjures the smell of bad chili.
• “If You Think We’re Sexy”: Not the Dapper Dans’ finest moment.

Special Mention

• “Welcome to the Jungle (Cruise)“: By the band Edison Square. It’s not an official Disney song, but it kicks bootie!

Best

• “A Whole New Part of Your World: From The Little Aladdin (also notable, “Prince Ali, Under the Sea.”)
• “It’s Not Easy, Lovin’ Green”: From The Muppet Princess and the Frog (also notable, “Dig a Little Mah Nà Mah Nà.”)
• “Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Pooh”: From The Many Adventures of Cinderellapooh (also notable, “A Dream is a Wish Your Heffalump Makes.”)
• “Zip-a-califragilisticexpialidocious”: From the live-action-plus-animation classic, Song of the Poppins (also notable, “Chim Chim-a-Dee-Doo-Dah.”)

Worst

• “A Whole New World”: From Treasure Planet. Okay, it’s another planet — we get it.
• “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” and “A Girl Worth Fighting For”: From Peter Pan. Peter and Wendy’s relationship is just too complicated.
• “Go the Distance”: From The Little Mermaid. They should have stopped at “Kiss the Girl.”
• “The Siamese Cat Song”: From Mulan. These days, it just comes across as racially insensitive.
• “Pink Elephants on Parade”: From The Jungle Book. Mowgli is way too young to be drinking this much.
• “A Very Merry Un-birthday:” From Bambi. Seriously, this is the wrong way to try and cheer up someone whose mom just died. Bambi singing “I Just Can’t Wait to be Prince” is a close second in insensitivity.