- Pirate’s Lair on Tom Sawyer Island: Listen for tourists calling it “Tom Sawyer’s Island” and make fun of them. Then find some smug annual passholders and try to convince them it’s properly called “Pirate Lair”.
- Big Thunder Ranch: Because it’s the only place in Disneyland named for a salad dressing.
- Sailing Ship Columbia: Go below decks and make yourself a snack in the working galley!
- Billy Hill and the Hillbillies: Sure they play music well, but we’re very, very skeptical about them all being named William.
- The wooden Indian: He looks suspiciously identical to the one on Main Street. Don’t trust him.
- Hoofprints: Some moron let a horse walk all over the cement before it was completely dry. Talk about inattention to detail!
- Frontier Land Shootin’ Exposition: “Our guns shoot straight” my eye. And they’ve got that tube attached, so you can’t take them off and terrorize your little brother.